Unusual Arrangements
by mrawgirl09
Summary: Just another HPFMA. Okay, so Al has his body back. So people think Ed's a girl. So there's a hint of developping Boylove here and there. So Roy's a pyromaniac. So Al's a psychotic. So Ed's sexually confusing people. So what?
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

**Well, here goes nothing.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

* * *

Dear _stupid_ Diary,

Damn this stupid magic, school and all.

Damn Mustang for making me and Al go to stupid magic schools for a stupid mission for a stupid lead on a stupid _magical_ murderer.

Damn that stupid magic school not making me an exception to their stupid school uniform.

Damn the magical world for having this stupid Triwizard contest.

Damn the school for having to participate in the stupid contest.

Damn the school's headmaster for making me do the contest as well.

Damn that Dumbley-door or what's-his-name for _making_ me compete even though I'm only half-official student and half-official ambassador from a _military_ of Amestris.

Damn that Potter guy for being such a nuisance and somehow managing to get into competition.

Damn all three headmasters for agreeing that since Hogwarts got two competitors that it was fair to have one more from each school AGAIN.

DAMN that wooden cup for choosing _me_ as the second competitor for Beaubaton (Who put _my_ name in, anyways?! I put in a blank paper!).

DAMN this rule that says you can't refuse.

…

By the way;

D-A-M-N that-that _guy_ for _hitting_ on me. He only got a broken nose for that.

-Which reminds me.

D.A.M.N. that Bastard Colonel again for making me go to an ALL GIRL'S SCHOOL.

DAMN. THIS. ALL.

* * *

**I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm writing this. I can't believe I'm-**

**I can't believe I'm writing a humor fic. **

**Mrawgirl09**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own FMA or HP characters or plotline.**

**I thank narutolovesme2 for the help on reading and finding lines from the fourth book of Harry Potter. There might be some discrepancies but please ignore them for the sake of the book.**

**Well, here goes nothing.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**

* * *

**

chris3169512 - The diary entry is rather during the middle of the school year, so it's not really in the all-girls school, if you know what I mean.

**kame-the-turtle - Yes, you got it, and yes, I read that it's not actually an all-girl's school in the book. I tweaked the story just a little bit, as you may see in this chapter.**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!

* * *

Edward slapped the manila folder onto Mustang's desk, his files halfway out, growling ferociously.

"What the fuck is this?"

"Brother, watch your language," scolded Alphonse, nudging Edward on his side.

"Okay, what the sexual intercourse is this?"

"ED!"

"This, Fullmetal, is your mission," replied Roy Mustang simply, interlocking his fingers atop the armrest, over his lap.

"Wrong. Our mission is to get the murderer of Bertha Jorkins," deadpanned Edward.

"And the clues led to the magical world," replied Mustang.

"I am not – _we_ are _not_ going to a magic school."

"You don't have a choice in the matter, actually. The only ones qualified to 'go' to these schools are you and your brother."

Ed let out another growl, snatched the manila folder and flipped out a file. He read, "'Young, athletic, smart, _pretty_?!'"

"I don't have that," said Alphonse, flipping through his set of files.

"What?" asked Edward, and turned to Mustang with a new viciousness, "Okay, spill."

Mustang shrugged, "I just thought, objectively, and out of votes of the whole office, that you, Fullmetal, were, per say, '_prettier'_" he quoted with his fingers, "than your brother, Redstone."

"Oh, I see, I guess that makes sense," said Al, much to the shock of his brother.

Ever since the brothers managed to bring Al's body back from the gate, by combining the Alchemy of Amestris and the Rentan jutsu from Xing, Alphonse kept on being rather teasing – rebellious (?) towards Edward. It was perhaps because after that Edward refused to research further to get his limbs back.

"What do you mean, you _see?!_"

"You two will be going to two different schools," continued Mustang, ignoring the fuming Edward, "you, Edward Elric, to Beauxbatons Academy with Madame Maxime," he handed Ed back the manila folder, "and you, Alphonse Elric, to Durmstrang Institute with Mr. Karkaroff.

"You will not be forced to attend classes, and you will be throughoutly ignored when or if you enter a class. Gather as much information, about anything at all, whether you find it relevant or not, but mostly about the recent _morsemordre_ and its culprit as you can, and report back to me regularly. Don't make any … massive… trouble, _Fullmetal_," he emphasized the last word, looking pointedly at Edward,

"Do not trust anyone of anything,"

"Do not hide but do not show off, _Full-Metal-_"

"Don't be too proud to ask for help sometimes, _Elrics_," finished Mustang, ending with a semi-formal salute.

"Dismissed."

Just as the brothers were about to turn away, Mustang called out, "Oh, and by the way, pick up your uniforms on your way out," he said, gesturing Hawkeye to distribute the packets to each of the brothers. "It won't do if you two stood out right away amongst the crowd."

The brothers immediately opened the packages, where they were greeted with a furred red coat for Alphonse, and a blue-silk cape for Edward.

"… What are these-" Edward didn't get to finish his sentence when he pulled the cape up, revealing…

"Oh geez…"

… a swirly, blue velvet hat atop what looked like a vest-mini dress.

* * *

"You never told me it was an _ALL GIRL_ school!!" yelled Ed, digging his sky blue heels into the ground in resistance as Mustang pushed the boy towards the front gate of Central HQ. Edward was currently dressed up in his 'uniform', consisting a long vest that came down to his mid-thighs, full-length pants, a swirly hat atop his neatly pony-tailed hair, and a cape to hide his girl-ish clothes (or so Ed would call it) away from public eye, all shining like blue silk it was.

"It isn't," Mustang grit out as the stubborn boy grabbed at the frame of the gate, forbidding him to push him out any longer.

So he started pulling.

"It just has more girls than boys," he said, trying to coax Ed into letting go, "_much_ more girls than boys."

"SAME DAMN DIFFERENCE!!!"

Ed's automail didn't let go, but the wall did. With a violent crack, the cement cracked, coming out in a big chunk in Edward's gloved hand. Of course, with the force he was pulling at Ed, the boy was snapped into his arms, trapping him. Mustang picked the struggling boy up and threw him outside the headquarters.  
"Suck it up and just _go_, Elric. I have my own work to do; I don't have time to cuddle your childish antics."

"I am _not_ so short that I need a step-stool to reach the sink to wash my hands!!" Edward yelled. And he would have said much more if not for a huge hand on his shoulder. Slowly, he turned around, his eyes trailing upwards to look at the face of a humongous – _person – _staring back down at him.

"You are Edward Eleec?" said the huge woman.

"Yeah…" replied Ed, already somewhat intimidated by he huge difference in height, though he may never admit it.

"Yes," she said.

"What?"

"You say 'yes', I do not wish anyone under my protection to 'ave anee-sing under zan perfect Eenglish." Ed's intimidation immediately flared into irritation.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Yes, _Madame Maxime_."

"… You're kidding."

"Yes, Madame Maxime."

"…" Ed wasn't going to say it. Not only it was degrading, but it would mean submitting himself under authority, something he _never_ did. _Ever_.

"Yes, Madame Maxime," the woman, Maxime, repeated. "I will say zis until you say eet after mee."

"_Yes, Madame Maxime._" Edward gritted out, glaring heatedly along with the creak of his teeth to show that he was only doing it because he had no choice. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to have an effect on Maxime.

"Good," was all she said.

She took out a watch from her pockets and looked at the time. Maxime then took out a teacup, handing it to Edward. When he accepted it with a confused frown, his suitcase in his other hand, she ignored the curious glare from him and placed one finger on top of he cup, still looking at the watch.

He had to say, he _hated_ magical transportation.

* * *

_**The moon is filling up**_

_**Let's go**_

_**Woooooooooooooo~~~**_

_**Woooooooooooooo~~~**_

**Mrawgirl09**


	3. Chapter 3

**WOW. That sure was a LOT of reviews. Thanks everyone!! I'm going to be replying to reviews by stories cause with my mom watching I can't really reply to each of them one by one. lol at least mom thinks I'm doing homework.**

**Well, here goes nothing.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

Taranova – I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am! I actually wanted to design Ed's uniform the same as the one in the film, but I suddenly grew conscience. Bleh.

**Kame-the-turtle – lol. That was my favorite part as well.**

**chris – I hate childish antics. But when Ed's the one doing it… well, I can make exceptions.**

**WamprickNyx – lol. I read that it isn't really an all-girls' school in the book. There are references of boys, so I tweaked a bit so that it has only few boys compared to the mass of girls.**

**TristaDin – He's not really female, and he's not really posing as one. It's just the world that sees him as one. Poor Ed.**

* * *

**R and R, I don't own, warning of made-up terms, and Enjoy!**

* * *

"Remind me why exactly we are going to England, of all places, and not to France, like I thought we were supposed to?" asked Edward, sitting across Maxime in the sitting quarters of the flying carriage. It at first surprised Edward, of course, that the carriage carried so much – six huge bedrooms, five dorms shared by the students and one for Madame Maxime herself, a temporary dining hall with a small kitchen for students, a big library, three class rooms and a sitting quarters – and he still didn't believe it completely, but soon after spending about a week in it, he learnt to live with it, even ignore it somehow.

"Ze Triwizard Tournament will begin in ze next two monse, and Beauxbatons eez one of ze school zat will participate in zat tournament." Maxime replied, sipping from her flute of champagne.

"Let me rephrase that," sighed Edward, as the woman was again trying his already lacking patience, "why am _I_, almost an Amestrian _ambassador _and _not_ a student, going?"

"I obviously cannot leave my protégé alone when I promeesed to take care of 'eem, can I?" she replied, her voice and face still cool. "Besides, you are not ze only boy 'oo will be going, izen't it?" she asked, glancing momentarily at the boy in front of her.

"… yeah, out of the five you're bringing along with a dozen of the girls," replied Edward, fiddling with his gloves. The woman's attitude, although irritating, so far had made him embarrassingly uneasy.

"Then what of my mission?"

"I 'ave 'eard zat ze victime of ze previous murder was from Eengland, who was she um…"

"Bertha Jorkins," Ed supplied, "and she has to do with me… what?"

At Mme Maxime's inquiring eyebrow he amended his question, "I mean, apart from that she's the victim whose murderer I-we are looking for?"

"She was mainly concerned with Monsieur Bartemius Crouch Senior about ze Triwizard Tournament," she said flippantly, taking another sip of her champagne and ignoring the surprised look from Edward. "And additionally," she added with a smirk that sent a shiver down Ed's spine, "Monsieur Crouch will be coming to see eet as well."

With that, the woman closed her eyes, silently sipping at her flute of champagne as an indication that the conversation was over.

Edward couldn't feel comfortable with the fact that Maxime seemed to know more than he did about the case, and couldn't _help_ but feel that he was being led around with clues and praises into the right conclusion like a trained puppy.

Ed sighed. What had become of the great Hero of the People, managing to get manipulated to such a low degree of being compared to a puppy?

Edward sighed again.

* * *

"Mes Enfants," said Madame Maxime, glaring down at the students with her humongous prescence, "vous saviez vos parties par cœur?"

"Bon, pour une dernière fois, un, deux, trois, quatre-" the girls started their routine all over again from the start, assuming the length of their dining hall similar as the one of Hogwarts, tottering along the way as they had practiced.

"You can _not_ make me do that," Edward deadpanned, shaking his head, "I am _not_ doing that." He was ready to do anything, _anything_ to prevent the headmaster from degrading him any further. He would go against her physically if he had to, and he would _not_, once again, be prey of her manipulative skills. He was not-

"You will not," she said simply.

"I am nuh-what ? "

"Alzough your posture has been eemproved dramatically over ze week, eet will be a disgrace for Beauxbatons if you ran out in ze center of ze beauté, stomping around like a éléphant."

"… Oh."

With that, Maxime chided some of the students doing summersault of being too stiff.

* * *

"-and let us welcome the Beauxbatons!!"

"Remember, girls, _poise_."

The doors opened, and the girls of Beauxbatons filed inside, their steps light and confident. The boys, being only four, were divided into two groups, two striding in the front, leading the girls to the front of the room, and two walking behind everyone.

"I'll just stay back and go in with the rest of the boys-" Edward was pulled away, into the staring eyes of Hogwarts students', barely managing to stride along with the Headmistress and not shuffle like he would like to.

All the more, he was hearing people talking about him from every direction, even with the clacks of his 'peers' heels in front of him.

"Why does that girl enter with the Headmaster?"

Here we go again.

"Why is she the only one to have a pair of pants and a coat? Is she special or something-?"

… ignore them, Edward-

"Oh she looks special alright-"

WHAT?!

"The two's at front and the back have the same thing-"

FINALLY! Someone who actually SEES things-

"Maybe it's a boy-"

Thank you-

"She looks like a boy-"

THANK YOU-

"Idiot, of course she's a girl-!"

… and so says the idiot.

"Yeah, why would a boy be at an all-girl's school?"

Now what gave off _that_ idea?

"But there are boys-"

Yes!

"They probably have different types of uniforms-"

No, Damn it!!

"I hear that that girl, over there," said another girl, pointing at the girl Ed knew as Fleur Delacour, "is part Veela,"

"That makes sense," said another, rather bushy-haired one, glaring at the boys.

"I bet she's a Veela too," drooled one redhead as he pointed at Ed-wait, WHAT?!

"Boys," said the bushy-haired girl again.

Edward mentally sighed. _This_ was what he _hated_ about big crowds of people, especially students. Even with his limited experience with school since his few years of primary education, he was well aware of the difference between the military and school. At least in the military people _tried_ to be quiet about what they talked about.

They were introduced to their seats, and Edward kept on grumbling through the male Hogwartians' affectionate attention and the Beauxbatonsies' silent teases.

His mood only lightened a bit when Dumbley-guy announced the Durmstrang Institute.

* * *

**Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

**… there's this smudge on the letter h that won't come off.**

**Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

* * *

****

Mrawgirl09


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone for your reviews!! XD**

**I'm sorry I didn't update sooner – the site didn't let me upload… so… blah. I dunno if I could tomorrow. . . Oh well.**

**Well, here goes nothing.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

****

Arivoctix – Ed IS a VERY good source of amusement, he is.

**Taranova – Yes, that was. Hermione wasn't all too happy.**

**World of Famine – I'm glad you find it amusing. To be somewhat a spoiler, he's been good.**

**Yays4pie – I noticed. But that's what I get for trying to rub it off.**

**Trista – lol. Ron, dead? Nah… it's the other boys who are NOT main characters who need to be careful. Extras can always be replaced, you know? (*evil smirk*)**

**Lolmaster27 – I don't, though. I mean, I DID replace the skirt into pants. lol**

**

* * *

**

Hum... before you enjoy this chapter, this one is a bit boring, mainly cause it's a transition chapter... Still, enjoy, though I don't own the characters or the main plot, and please, please please, Review!

* * *

"Alphonse!" Edward yelled, running towards his brother through the halls. "Hey Al!"

"Brother?" Alphonse turned back, looking at the blue-clad golden teen running towards him. "You look… different," said Al, eyeing how … _decorative_ Ed's outfit was, and how well it showed his brother's body off.

"Don't remind me," Ed growled, tugging at his jacket, "I look ridiculous."

"No, you look actually good," reassured Alphonse, slowly turning around his brother, "but yeah, considering … you do look kinda funny."

"Shut up."

Alphonse frowned.

"You should do something about your voice, too, if you really wanted to 'blend in'."

"I know it's lower than my real voice," Edward growled out, "because I'm _trying_ to have it low, or else people actually think I'm a girl."

"I thought that was the point," asked Alphonse, his nose scrunching up in confusion.

"No it's _not_ and I _refuse_ to be confused for a _girl_ for _whatever reason._"

Edward huffed for a few more moments before sighing and redressing himself. He looked at Alphonse sheepishly.

"How'd you live for the past few months, anyways?"

"Oh, I've been well," smiled Alphonse, "this person called Viktor Krum was kind enough to show me the way around," he didn't mention to Edward that Krum was the youngest and the most famous quidditch player, mostly because it didn't mean anything to the brothers, "we spar sometimes, hunt together … he's a good person, even if he doesn't show it well."

"Do you trust him?" Edward asked him, his tone reminding Alphonse of Mustang.

"I think I trust him more than most," he said, "but I know those kindness can be turned around in whatever betrayal to fool me," he smiled disarmingly, "so don't worry; I'm not going to trust him with my life or anything."

"I'm the elder, I worry about things."

"No you don't , it's usually me who worry my pants off for you, even if you're right in front of me," Alphonse chastised. His eye flickered towards a group of girls who started giggling and murmuring amongst themselves. Ignoring the suspicious behavior, Al inconspicuously directed the two of them away from the girls.

They walked towards the lake, now occupied with a huge ship, in a comfortable silence.

"So… you guys are staying at your … boat?" asked Edward.

"No, actually, we're staying at the Slytherin house, which Mr. Dumbledore already said," replied Al, glaring exasperatedly at Edward as the other teen shrugged, "they're all very respectful, especially Mr. Malfoy; they're all probably some kids from good/proud family lines."

"Lucky you, we get to sleep in the pumpkin carriage all squished up."

"You sleep with girls?"

"No, they have a separate room for the boys," Ed shrugged, "the carriage is actually bigger than it looks."

"When do you have free time?" Alphonse asked, trying not to notice the stares from the Hogwarts students staring down at the brothers. This time there were males as well. Quite unnerving.

"Whenever, I guess," Ed shrugged, "I mean, it's not like we're going to have classes in a foreign school."

"I'm pretty sure we're totally free, at least until that Tri- something starts."

"Triwizard," Alphonse corrected his brother, stopping himself from sighing exasperatedly. Edward, if it weren't something that interested him, wouldn't even remember the correct term, much to Alphonse's annoyance.

"Whatever," Ed shrugged, and slapped Al on his back.

"It's been a while since we sparred together, what do you say?"

"I don't think it'd be wise for you to spar with me right in the middle of the yard, I mean, won't people … say… things about … us …?" Alphonse asked, his hands fidgeting as he tried to keep his mind off the glares from everywhere. Edward, however, didn't seem to notice the attention.

"Just what are you implying?" Ed growled out.

"Umm … never mind …"

Ed glared suspiciously at Alphonse, but decided to drop the subject. If his brother didn't want to talk about it … … well, he didn't really want to find out, even if Ed could guess what Al meant to say.

"… Well, we could always ask the house elves of the school for a big enough spare room."

"The what?"

"The house elves," said Ed, "those little creatures that look like a badly made chimera, and they make your bed, your food, whatever the Wizard needs and wants," Ed shrugged, and seeing the disturbed face Alphonse was making, hastily added, "those are little masochists, those."

Al still reacted in the way Ed guessed and was dreading.

"You mean we're enslaving talking chimeras of sorts for our own comfort?! That's horrible!!"

"They _like_ it that way," Edward sighed.

"I tried convincing the ones that I find in some empty classes to at least get a wage or something and now most just pop away when they see me."

"Still…"

"I'm just going to find the kitchen and ask them those little rag dolls, okay? Go find something to do if you don't think you'll like seeing them like that"

Alphonse shook his head.

"It's okay… I… I'll come with you."

* * *

**Sarcastic Snort is still a laugh.**

**- author of Twisted Tales -**

**Mrawgirl09**

* * *

Huitt1989 – I'm glad I made up above your expectations. (YES!)


	5. Chapter 5

**... This is weird, but I'm getting reviews for chapter five, which I've deleted.... ... so I'm re-uploading it. It's confusing me... and I'm sorry if it confused you too. and is it only me, or does the reviews number say that there's 20? cause the last time I've counted was 15... well, now it's 17 but...**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**Anyways...**

* * *

**MoonSpirit - GASP How did you know?!**

**Lolmaster - Huh, I guess they DO look alike... lol.**

**

* * *

**

**Well, I don't own FMA or HP, but I do own this HPFMA fic! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Just what the hell _is_ this place?!"

Edward and Alphonse were standing in an empty hallway, somewhere around the west or north wing of Hogwarts, on either the third or the sixth floor.

Or maybe the south of the fifth.

Or east at second.

Alphonse turned around, looking unnervingly at the moving portraits that seemed to be laughing at the brothers. "Isn't here where we were five minutes ago?"

"Argh!!" Ed threw both of his hands to the air in frustration, and turned to a wall, ready to clap-

"Uhm… hello?"

Ed literally snarled like a wildcat when he was interrupted in his irritated stupor. "What?!"

Alphonse, ever the polite one, nudged his brother in the side, before turning to the red redhead fidgeting from Ed's outburst. "Is there anything we could do for you?"

The boy fidgeted again, he was a Hogwarts student, judging by the uniform, and was _quite_ tall, much to Ed's displeasure. The redhead seemed to be blushing to his ears as he spoke up, only to whisper down again. "I was wandering if I could talk to …"

"Who-? OH," Alphonse, unlike Edward, saw what the redhead wanted to say. He looked at the boy in front of them, then at Ed, who looked back in confusion, then back at the boy, and smirked.

He suddenly turned around and ran for the stairs.

"Ed, I'm going to go look for Krum," shouted Al, waving his hand back to a dumbfounded Ed and Redhead, his smile creeping into a smirk he couldn't help but make, "see you tomorrow! Have Fun!!"

"What?" Edward, needless to say, was confused. "Hey! I thought we were going to look for-"

"Tomorrow! Promise!!"

Alphonse was already merely a speck down the moving staircases, jumping over the trick stairs and almost literally flying down and out the castle.

An uncomfortable silence settled between Ed and the Redhead.

"So… what do you want?"

"Uhm, well, I just wanted to say hi, and…"

"Well?" Ed asked, irritated. He wasn't Alphonse, and didn't have much patience.

"I was just going to ask you if you needed a guide through our school ground, seeing as I just heard you inadvertently yelling about in the halls…"

Edward couldn't help but snort. This boy was seriously BAD at acting. 'Inadvertently'? 'Just going to ask'? It was just a way to-

Ed subconsciously knew what his mind would come up with, and automatically shut down and turned on the autopilot-evil rant mode.

"A guide? I don't need a guide to find my way, I just need one to-" –and his mind decided to switch on again- "do you know the way to the kitchens?" After all, he _did _need to find a way to get a large place for sparring with his brother. Why not use this guy for a few moments?

"Uh, yeah!" The boy's face lightened significantly, almost glowing with happiness…… or was that gloating?

"My name's Ron, by the way. Ron Weasley."

"Ed Elric," Ed replied, and seeing the … _tender_ (shudder) look Weasley was giving him, quickly added, "_Edward_ Elric."

Ron stopped. Ed stopped as well.

"You're a guy?!"

"Hence the different uniform-," Ed shrugged, but then the serious surprised tone in Ron's voice hit his mind's I-told-you-so-alarms. "You thought I was a girl, didn't you."

Ron was obviously a bit dense, as he didn't seem to be too worried when fume started coming out of Ed's ears. "Well, yeah! I mean, it's an all girl school, isn't it?!"

"It has _male_ students in it, as well." Ed grit out, trying the best he could to not to punch the guy in the groin. He turned away and stomped through the halls, leaving the dazed Ron behind.

He didn't get to go far, however, before another, this time a tall, dark, "handsome" guy blocked Ed's path.

"Hey babe," he said. Ed's left eye twitched. "Watcha doin' here in the dark halls all alone? There's Peeves going around with water bombs," Ed's eye twitched again at the suggestive tone of the guy's words. "C'mon, I'll escort you to that carriage of yours-"

The other guy didn't get a chance to finish another annoying sentence, because Edward's right knuckles were saying hello to the other guy's teeth and nose.

"I am _not_ a girl," hissed Ed as the boy fell with a thump, "so _piss off,_ before I decide to break the rest of your face."

Edward hopped over the twitching body, growling at everything as he walked away.

"Damn everything," he mumbled. "I bet that bastard is laughing his ass off-" Ed's eyes suddenly became wide as he finally, _finally_ registered in his brain what his brother had just said.

"ALPHONSE!!!"

* * *

"That _hurt_," whined Alphonse, rubbing his arm where he was tackled by Ed in anger.

They were currently walking down another path down the edge of the 'Forbidden Forest' with another individual who kept silent.

Al then smirked and asked his red-faced brother, "so, how did the date go?"

Edward flushed a deeper angry red, and attempted to strangle his brother again. "You left me to those- those-"

"Wolves?" Al smirked as Ed's red face turned amusingly from anger to embarrassment to anger and back to embarrassment again.

"What did they try to do to you, brother?!" Shouted Alphonse dramatically, adding to Ed's embarrassment.

"You shut up before I do it for you," said Ed, punching Al again on his side.

Alphonse merely laughed.

"Where did you go, anyways?" asked Ed, eyeing the person next to his brother who was staring at him.

"I told you, to find Krum," Al smiled, moving back to let Ed see Viktor Krum face to face. "Viktor, Edward. Edward, Viktor Krum."

They shook hands, and Ed was for once glad that the people meeting him didn't immediately say that he was sh-

Viktor's voice interrupted his thoughts. "They vere telling the truth," he said in a unsurprisingly monotonic, low voice, "you do look like a girl."

Edward tensed, trying to stop himself from transmuting the person in front of him into a pile of dust.

Ed sent a glare at Al, who was biting his lip to try to stop his laugh and was formidably failing. "Shut. _Up._"

Viktor didn't seem to mind Ed's glaring and growling. In fact, Viktor _smirked_ as he continued: "Do the boys' uniforms include dresses as vell?"

"Of course not-," spat Ed, his anger overpowering his sane mind. Alphonse, seeing the danger signs, moved to grab his brother just in time as Ed asked the question that just _begged_ to be teased at: "Just _what_ are you implying?"

"I haven't seen other boys' uniforms yet, but I don't think their vests come down to the tip of their fingers and to the middle of their thighs-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE COULD GET SMOTHERED TO DEATH IN THE LAYERS OF THE THINNEST FABRIC OF A SMALLEST VEST IN THE WORLD?!"

* * *

**Next chapter's (useless) preview...**

"And you are..?"

**Mrawgirl09**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for the reviews and faves and alerts and all!!**

**It seems there has been some confusion because of the disappearing chapters. I didn't know if they were updated or not cause my stupid computer did stupid things to the stupid internet and I 'accidentally' deleted the two chapters. They're back up now...**

**Oh, and mom lifted the ban!! XD I still will have to moderate reading, but she didn't say anything about writing!! I think the updates will still be sporadic, which means I can be updating like 5 chapters one day and be missing for a month. lol. I hope it doesn't come down to that.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**Anyways. **

* * *

**emuroo - I'm following the book. It _would _be funny, though. I mean, it _was _the starting idea... Only... I accidentally grew conscience.**

**Lolmaster - It was, and I deleted it, and now it's up again! And Roy's appearance will come soon!! Like, Right Now Soon!**

**Ivory Jade 6669 - I'm glad to know that begging actually works!! XD Al? Join SPEW? Well................ . . . . .**

**Taranova - Alright, I'll have people blame/thank you for delaying one of the main chapters cause you just made me write a whole chapter worth (2 Word Doc pages) of side story!**

**Huitt - lol, you make me think I've let the guys off too easily.**

**Sapphia - I said that Ed transmuted people into sands? Where?! ... OH. Hahah, that's just Ed being irrational because he's just been called a girl.**

**kame turtle - I think the Beauxbatons know Ed's a boy... and the teachers know ... Ed's a boy... so I guess it's only the students. I did make them a bit dense, didn't I?**

**World Famine - lol. Why don't I feel the same? *evil cackle***

**Trust Deceit - You changed your name already? I guess we DO find our amusement from someone else's distress....... namely Ed... lol.**

* * *

**Enjoy! I don't own!**

* * *

"This is outrageous!! Scandalous!!"

Harry Potter cringed at the harsh yell from the other headmasters as they objected fiercely at Harry's participation in the Triwizard Tournament. But it wasn't like he wanted to be in the tournament.

Maxime's face was red and about to burst as she fumed at the 'unfaireness' in front of her.

"We demand zat anoder competiteur iz chosen from each of ze schools, again!"

Karkaroff was also very indignant, obviously, if his shaking fingers were any indication.

"We refuse to be bested by this-this _boy_ who got used to fame and attention!"

"What?!" Harry yelled, finally having had enough of the untrue notions that were keep popping up. "I keep telling you, I didn't put my name in that-"

"Please, please," interrupted Dumbledore, not meeting Harry's eyes, "everyone calm down. We will put up the cup again for the second participants from your schools, but we should still try to at least get to the bottom of how Mr. Potter managed to get his name picked out from the goblet," Dumbledore turned to Harry, his almost transparent-blue eyes poring into Harry's very soul, "well?"

"I honestly have no idea at all, professor," said Harry, his eyes transfixed on Dumbledore's trying to show in his expression that he was innocent, "I didn't even go near the goblet, since I knew that you have to be at least 17 to participate," he turned to look at the other headmasters, who only glared back in mistrust, "I didn't get any aging potions, either – I saw what happened to Fred and George," he shrugged.

"I swear, Professor Dumbledore, I didn't put my name in that goblet."

And again began the shouting match.

"Lies!"

"Who wouldn't want zat _honor!!_"

"And 1000 galleons!" Karkaroff threw his hands in the air. "It's worth to wager one's life for!"

Money? Fame? Did they really think he wanted to be in for that? "But I don't want all that!" Harry shouted at the top of his voice.

"What if Mr. Potter wasn't the one who put in that name?" A new voice questioned.

Everyone turned to see Alastor Moody, staggering towards the group of people limping with his wooden leg.

"Professor Moody-"

"It would take someone with enough black magic to confound the Goblet of Fire to think that there are _four_ participants in the contest," the professor continued, "and who would put in dear Harry Potter's name, the Boy Who Lived, into the competition where it is widely known to be critically dangerous?"

Karkarot sneered at the battered professor. "Why, of course because -"

"- they wanted Harry Potter dead," said Moody, cutting into the other Headmaster's sentence.

The room fell into an icy cold silence, the concerned boy fidgeting uncomfortably at the many different stares of disgust, worry, all utterly serious, from the people around him.

Dumbledore spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Any how, we have agreed to wake the Goblet of Fire once again, and change its magic temporarily to choose from two students from your schools, both of them younger than seventeen, as is Harry."

Maxime frowned. "We don't 'ave any students 'oo are younger zan seventeen; we dident bring zem as we saw unnecessary-"

She was interrupted by Karkaroff, who continued from her sentence, "-Unless you count the Brothers Elrics, who are fourteen and fifteen, but they are from another country, only temporarily under our wings. We would have to get permission from their guardian from Amestris, and contacting them through letters will be too time-consuming."

"Then it will be better to just tell me in my face," said a new voice in the room, "because I am their guardian."

Everyone turned around to face the newcomer. He had a oriental face, eyes sharp and face carved, his short black hair falling down, accentuating his blue-black eyes. His mouth was pressed into a serious line, but the slight twist of his mouth showed a hint of a smirk hanging.

His body was wrapped with a form-fitting dark blue robe, where a white-gloved hand protruded at one side holding his suitcase, showing the red sigil on the surface of its pristine white cotton.

"It seems that they get into trouble no matter the situation," sighed the stranger, "it almost seems like the situation adapts itself to get them into one."

Mc Gonagall, out of all of the dumbfounded professors and student in the room, chose then to speak up.

"And you are..?"

"Roy Mustang, Miss Sprout's temporary assistant for this year," said he, readjusting his gloves with the red sigil. "I'm sorry I'm quite late; not only was I forced to complete my paperwork before coming here, but a giant tree tried to mash me to a pulp- I hope you don't mind it a bit … sootier than it used to be."

The room fell silent once again, having been caught unawares of the sudden arrival. The newcomer frowned, but didn't do anything else to show his confusion. Mustang bowed, turned around and strode out of the side room, ignoring the murmur of the other teachers, in search for the Elric brothers to relay the… disagreeable news.

* * *

**"OBJECTIONNNN!!!!" *pointpointpoint***

**"Foolishly foolish fool!! Foolishly die a foolish fool's death foolishly like a foolishly foolish fool you foolishly are!!!"**

**_WHIPPP!!_**

**"The PAIN!!" *faints***

**Mrawgirl09**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and alerted and faved!! XD**

**I can't manage to find enough universities I want to go to... I suck at life right now... and my 'zone' right now is at FFnet... *sigh* I'll be glad once all this College Application things are over... D; **

**ANYWAYS. AWAY FROM DEPRESSING MATTERS.**

**I don't own. (Depressed x 1200)**

**R and R, please! :D**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. Humor. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

* * *

**Moon Spirit - Oh yes, Ed is going to _love_ this _very much_.**

**TristaDin - aww, thanks! Though, you haven't seen the REAL evil Al yet. lol. I blame/thank Taranova.**

**Lolmaster - YAY ROY!! XD Yes, they are.**

**WamprickNyx - thanks, really. I'd really like some advice on how to write better, cause my style is quite limited, and I tend to repeat a lot. BORING. Thanks again! *bows back* Oh, and THANK YOU VERY MUCH about the name correction. I laughed so hard remembering Karkarot from Dragonball Z... OTL**

**Taranova - Ooh, he does? I didn't know. He does? XD That would be AWESOME. lol**

**YOUTHFULwolfie5122 - Thank you! I will... In fact, I did!**

**Huitt - lol. I'd say more like piles of ashes. He went easy on the Willow, I think.**

* * *

Roy Mustang, the new Herbology assistant, walked down the halls, darkly muttering about going insane. It had been a few hours since he'd searched through these halls, and ever since the start of his search he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was being watched. The only reason he didn't look around for the culprit was the feeling that came from every direction.

Shaking his head, Mustang skimmed yet another identical-looking hallway for the two subordinates. Finding nothing, he sighed and turned around, when a voice stopped him.

"Colonel Mustang?!"

He looked up, startled by the sudden find, to see Alphonse looking at him in surprise over (snicker) a blonde head that Mustang assumed was Edward. He smirked, changing his direction towards the two teens as the smaller teen jumped around and scowled at him.

"Mustang?!"

"What are you doing here?"

Before Mustang could answer, Edward suddenly appeared in front of him, knee deep in his guts.

"You _bastard!!_"

"_Augh!!_" He keeled in pain, Edward fuming above him and Alphonse running towards them in surprise. Ed pulled back his right hand, ready to punch again, before Al pulled him back just in time.

"Ed!"

"You planned all this, somehow!!" Shouted Ed, his face red with anger and embarrassment. "Because of you, I got two school load of people calling me a _girl!!_"

Mustang momentarily scoffed, half surprised and half annoyed that Edward would actually use force because of a reason like _that_.

But then again, it _was_ Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Shrimp.

He forced his aching insides to settle down, before flashing a smirk at the red shrimp.

"I didn't think it would get to you as a surprise, seeing as you are as short as a g-"

"_I AM NOT SHORT!!_" Yelled Edward, his voice echoing through the empty halls, drowning Mustang's last few words.

"Back off, Fullmetal," growled Mustang, his patience growing thin. He'd walked through the halls of the school for four and a half hours straight looking for the two diminutive (yes, though Alphonse was taller than Edward by a good five inches, he was still shorter than most) teens, his legs were numb, his mind was getting paranoid, and overall he was feeling like he was about to set something on fire.

"I'm only here doing my own job of gathering information as the new Herbology assistant – don't you dare laugh, Fullmetal, Redstone-" he scowled at the two boys as they snickered on the irony "-and on my first day arriving to Hogwarts, I hear you two have already been dragged into trouble."

Alphonse stopped grinning, his face paling in shock. "Whatever it is, we didn't do it!"

"I know," said Mustang, waving his hand assuringly, "You do remember Potter being called by the cup," "that makes it two contestants for Hogwarts, which is inconvenient for the other two schools you're attending."

Edward scowled. "So? What does it have to do with us?"

The elder man continued to explain, ignoring the blonde. "The three schools and the British Ministry of Magic decided that the three schools have a Double-Triwizard tournament."

He sighed, prepared his ears for yet another harsh treatment, and blurted out, "You two are to represent your schools in the contest."

"WHAT?!" … was the predicted response. From both brothers.

"Why?" asked Alphonse.

Edward didn't wait for an answer, as always.

"We _aren't_ students of either of those schools, Mustang! We came here to find information on-"

"I _know_, Fullmetal, but neither you nor I have a choice," snapped Mustang, "you two are the only students in either of the schools who are around the same age as Potter, and I don't, for once, have any excuse to bail you two out of it."

"Blame Potter if you want," he said, pushing his way through the two, "though it seems the school is doing sufficiently already."

He turned around, facing his subordinates and re-adjusted his robe.

"Now if you don't mind, I have a class to attend to."

He let his ears ignore the indignant squawk from Edward ("But I put in a blank paper!! They shouldn't know that I'm _here_ in the first place!!"), and the automatic reprimand from Alphonse ("Brother!! That's lying!"), with a smirk.

He turned around on his heels and marched towards… somewhere in the direction of the greenhouses. Hopefully.

* * *

The class was _boring_.

"Now, does everyone have their earmuffs?"

Mustang half-ignored the sound from the class, trying to keep his yawning in check. He managed to look somewhat professionally interested, getting infatuated sighs from the girls in the class. He was just _that_ good. Too bad they were about 18 years younger than he. Mustang could practically be their father-bad thought, _bad thought._

"Make sure you are covering all of your ears," Professor Sprout picked up the discarded pink fluffy earmuff, "and only pull them off when I signal you so."

Mustang _was_ curious as to why they were required to wear earmuffs to move plants, and half-imagined a plant shaped like a speaker. It _was_ a magic class, after all. However nothing, _nothing_ prepared him to expect a wooden baby, screaming its head off, be pulled out from the earth.

Barely catching his jaw from falling to the ground, he stared wide-eyed at the screaming … thing.

Until a student fell unconscious.

"Oh my!" mouthed Sprout, mostly to herself, "This is what happens when they don't have the earmuffs fully coving their ears!" She ran towards the student, then realizing something, ran back to Mustang.

"Mr. Mustang, please hold this mandrake for me," she said to the man, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't hear.

Before Mustang had a chance to object, the professor dumped the screaming into his arms. He was confused, at the least, and fumbled with the plant to hold it the way he had seen the professor hold it… and then it _bit_ him.

"OW! Shit!"

It was, honestly, on reflex.

_Snap._

The class, which was gathered around the unconscious student, jumped when a flash of light flared at the edge of their vision. When they turned around, all they'd found was a pile of ash, and a very meek-looking assistant-professor. Though still no one could hear what he said next, everyone could guess.

"… Sorry?"

* * *

**"A _unique_ name. Something that people nowadays don't even think about."**

**"... How about..." ****"Kim..."**

**"Kim? You mean with a surname? Cool! No one _ever_ gave me surnames!"**

**"...Su..."**

**"Ehh... it's getting pretty normal... something new! Something-"**

**"... Han Mu Turtle And Crane Sam Cheon Gap Sa Dong Bang Sack Chi Chi Ka Po Sari Sari Center Wori wori Sebri Kang Methuselah Cloudie Hurricain Stonewall Seo Saeng Won Rat And Cats Cats And Dogs Dogs Name Is Dol Dol Ee."**

**Mrawgirl09**


	8. Chapter 8

**I decided to paste some exact same lines for every chapters...**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**And Please review! XD**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Lolmaster - The cookie is duly accepted by the Flame Assistant.**

**WamprickNyx - Hmm, I guess it's just a matter of style. I'm glad you didn't get the name, thogh. It would be embarrassing if you did.**

**Taranova - Of COURSE he's cute. XD Especially with a British accent.**

**Moon Spirit - I wonder if at all.**

**YouthfulWolfie - Golden Trio and Ed part two comin' up! ... Soon.**

**Trust Deceit - Yup. not long later, the castle will be aflame.**

**Trista Din - Well... Ed does run into Ron again..... but not exactly. lol**

**Huitt - Of course, I bet he could scorch up an ocean.**

**Kame Turtle - Hahah, have you read the last chapter?**

**Hira Hayami - I'm glad you love it, No, Yes, Thanks, and is mine too! XD**

* * *

**Enjoy!**

The introduction, surprisingly, went smoothly.

Edward seemed to ignore the other girl from his school ("I'm _not_ officially in Beauxbatons!!"), and Alphonse was already in good relations with his school's champion.

They were introduced to the judges, the basic rules, and the overall schedule without much disruption or unwanted attention; especially from Ed.

"You will have to give out your wands for inspection, misters Elrics."

"No."

…Or until the wand inspection, at least.

"Mr. Elric-" said Ollivander, only to be interrupted by a hiss from an irritated teen.

"MISTER."

"Yes, mister," confirmed the old wandmaker, "did I say something wrong?"

Edward blushed. He'd gotten used to people calling him a girl, he'd accidentally snapped at someone who actually _didn't_ see him as one. "Uh… no, sorry," he muttered, but silently basked in joy of having _someone_ who had the right eyes.

"... I need to check your wands to make sure they work properly-"

Edward snapped out of his euphoria to scowl at the other man. Better eyes or not, magic was bull- "We don't need a fu-"

"What he means," smiled Alphonse, slapping one hand on his brother's mouth to stop another string of insults, "is that we're only unofficial students who entered this competition because we were of similar age as Harry Potter."

"We don't use wands, anyways," added Al, before he let go of his brother. Ed glared at his younger sibling, but stayed silent.

"I still need to check your wands, even if you are not going to use it, sirs," said Ollivander patiently.

"But we don't-"

"We didn't bother to buy one, cause it's basically useless to us," said Ed, cutting Alphonse in mid-sentence, leaving him staring at his brother in shock.

"Ed!"

Edward merely shrugged. He wasn't polite, and he knew it, but talking around in circles like Al or Mustang tended to do was outright annoying.

"Alright," said the old wizard, who surprisingly didn't seem annoyed, "may I look over your weapons, then? I still need to check if they are allowed for the challenges."

Alphonse glanced at his brother. "Err… We don't have them with us?"

"We don't need weapons," snapped Edward, earning a painful stab at his side from Alphonse.

"What? The Bastard didn't say we needed to hide it," grumbled Ed.

The younger Elric scowled at his brother. "That doesn't mean we can just-"

"-Then pray tell, _how_ are you going to go through your challenges?" asked a woman, who was standing nearby with a floating quill and a piece of parchment.

She was blonde, and her hair seemed to be stuck stiffly in their position that it would stay even in the strongest of winds. Her green business suit and crocodile handbag, along with her red-painted fingernails and rhinestone glasses, made her look like a hideous caricature of a corrupted business woman.

"Who the hell are _you?_" asked Edward, unconsciously moving forward, shielding his brother from the woman. A man, rather ruffled-dirty looking, suddenly snapped a picture of the brothers, momentarily stunning the two.

Before the woman struck, however, a dark figure suddenly appeared in front of the blurred vision of the Elric Brothers.

"That's for them to know, and you to find out by watching," said Mustang, voice cool and professional. "But then again, I was informed that reporters weren't allowed to make contact with contestants."

The woman sniffed, scrunching her nose up in distaste, and turned around on her heels, and started towards other champions with her photographer, when Roy stepped in front of her and her companion, again.

"Excuse me," he said, flashing a handsome smile at her, and snapped.

"Gah!!"

The photographer's pocket had suddenly caught fire, much to everyone's surprise. The man started jumping around in fright, and the woman produced a wand from her purse, and summoned water onto the jumping man, drenching him and… the film he just threw onto the ground, half-melted.

"I also would like no unauthorized photos of my protégés," said Mustang smartly.

Everyone stared.

The business woman's face turned red, probably with anger, and stepped up to the assistant professor. "The people would want to know what their champions look like-"

"Your chances of photograph were supposed to be after the weighing of the wands, in a group and _then_ individually," snapped the other adult, "and I'm pretty sure you don't need one where the champion is half-naked in the changing room."

Ed blanched. "WHAT?!"

"How-" asked the photographer, but the woman cut in, her eyes glowing.

"Why do you sound so protective? Why are you so intent on _covering_ some information from the public?" She drew her body to her full height, pumping up her chest as she recited: "The public have a _right_-"

"-to know," Mustang drawled, his arms crossed in annoyance, "but our _military_ has a right to protect _stately_ information, even if it only concerns one of our students' right of publicity."

As the woman literally fumed from her ears, Mustang smirked and lifted one eyebrow, daring the person in front of her to _try_to object to him again.

The woman in green grit her teeth, sent another glare at the two teens behind the other man, and stomped away, her photographer scooting along.

The room was silent, rendered so once again by the Amesrtrian teacher, staring at the three foreigners as the famous reporter Rita Skeeter was chased away.

* * *

**Tis the last chapter I update before going on a road trip. Will prolly be on tomorrow, but can't be sure. Mom's yelling at me, so I gotta go. BYE! Oh, and this is only part one - part two coming up shortly!!**

**Mrawgirl09**

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**This is the continuation of the chapter before... **

**I just realized, by the reviews, that people forgot that half-naked Ed meant automail out in the open. lol. I guess that _was_ the point. **

**Also, I'm cutting the pages of my chapters in the length of about two pages ... give or take a few lines... ... ... Except for the OMAKEs. **

**I honestly have no idea where to cut it up... actually they're so long that they can be full chapters instead of OMAKEs. AND they have an effect somewhat on the overall plotline. AND again it's WAY too long for it to be anywhere near the usual chapters... like for example, ... The... uhh... 'meeting' of Draco and Edward... and Alphonse... ... that... uhh.. the dialogues are like two pages and a half or so. **

**So... I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something like I did for chapter 8 and 9, but I'm going to have long chapters in some and label it OMAKE 1 or something like that so you know it's a bit like a side story.**

**hum, hum.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**And Please review! XD**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Sapphia - I'm glad you like it! XD Roy wouldn't flame Rita's hair, it would mean more complaint(read paperwork) for him.**

**Moon Spirit - Go Roy, Go Roy! _Snap_. ___ Thanks!**

**Hirhayami - hahah, my drunk cat typing is worse, dun worry. And I've explained the short chapters above.**

**Mistytail - Yes! Take THAT! POW!**

**Taranova - lol. Is she? I would say more like 'journalistic interest'. ... Oh who am I kidding.**

**Lolmaster - lol. you sound like a pyromaniac yourself. You and Roy will have fun setting fires to everything.**

* * *

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Mustang turned away from the diminishing figures, and glared down at the teens behind him. "You two and I need to have a little _talk_," said Mustang, and turned towards the elder man, who surprisingly didn't seem too stunned by the outburst just before. "Excuse me. They won't need your services; I assure you, their own methods are perfectly safe and assured to work."

Roy nodded briefly in adieu, to which Ollivander nodded back, and led the two out the room and into an empty storage room nearby.

* * *

As soon as they entered it, Roy slammed the door and turned to the boys in a very serious expression.

"Asking you two to stop getting into trouble won't work, will it?"

"I could have handled it myself, Bast- Mustang!" shouted Edward, his voice ringing in the empty room. "And how did you know those guys took a picture at the changing room-"

"Sir, I'm pretty sure that lady was just asking around questions for her work; brother could have chased her away quite easily," said Alphonse, cutting Edward off.

"Wait the changing room-!"

"No he wouldn't have," said Mustang, also ignoring the fuming blonde, "that woman knows how to manipulate people, and she would have known next to everything about the reason as to why we're here."

"Hey, don't ignore me-!!"

"But you said we didn't have to hide!"

"A-HEM-!"

"We don't, but you still have to watch _who_ you're revealing your information to; especially if they have high probability to want to know more than your cover story."

"Oh for fuck's sake-!!!"

"Cover story? What about the headmasters?"

"I have a _right _to know-!!"

The two discussing males turned to Edward and scowled at him, much to the blonde's aggravated surprise.

"Shut up, Full-Edward, you're going to get us unwanted attention – _again._"

"WHAT-"

"Brother, _please_. We're on a _mission_, _remember_?"

"WHA-"

"They know, but those three only," said Roy, talking back over the short blonde.

"ARGH-"

"Your cover story is that the military sent you two alchemy prodigies to get international education-"

"THE HELL WITH THIS-"

"-since you two are the brightest of all of the Central schools' students," finished Roy, "and I am on a business leave, to be close to you two in cases of emergency."

"Our being in the military?"

"Don't mention it, but if one of us makes a mistake, you are in it, but _only_ as State Alchemist early recruits."

"No ranks, got it." Nodded Al, and (finally) turned his head to his brother. "_What_, Ed?" He asked irritatedly; having an older brother who was more immature than he was, sometimes, _very _annoy-

"Ed?"

Both Roy and Al looked for the other diminutive teen, who was nowhere to be found … until they heard a familiar yell from one of the hallways.

"Damn it, Fullmetal," growled Mustang, running with Alphonse towards the hallway where they had heard Ed's voice. "And _he _tells me _I_ never listen to him."

* * *

Edward, having had run out of the empty storage room, was stomping away from it towards the library, grumbling profanities.

"The _nerves_ of those two-ack!!" He didn't get a chance to yell very much, as he was suddenly dragged into a smaller room, which turned out to be a broom closet. In front of him was the ugly woman from before, smiling devilishly at him.

"You!!"

"Yes, me."

She smiled what she might have thought was a sexy smile. "My name is Rita Skeeter, and I'd like to have an interview with you," she said, pulling out her floating quill from her crocodile bag and a piece of parchment.

"Me? Why?" asked Edward, his eyes narrowing down at the acid-green quill that was writing 'a faint blush dusted her'. Rita, noticing Ed's eyes following the quill's writing, quickly ripped that part off the parchment and put it in her bag. Smiling again, she leaned forward, making Edward lean backwards.

"Because I got the other four champions' interviews," said Rita, "it's a necessary procedure for the champions." She flashed a wink and rummaged through her bag once again, missing the shudder that went through the other blonde.

"Um, okay…"

She seemingly draped another, _long_ parchment flatly onto the air, and turned to him with her first question. "So, tell me, Ms. 'Ed' Elric-"

And the interview ended shortly as Edward's voice rang out the broom closet and into the halls, alerting his brother and 'guardian' who only just realized he was gone.

"I AM _NOT_ A GIRL!!!"

* * *

**I probably should stop carving my nails off... Oh, it's bleeding again.**

**...**

**Two more chapters stored until I have to write like mad again.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well... I _do_ have a life out of FFnet. I _need_ my Sundays. **

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**And Please review! XD**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Mistytail - I agree.**

**Hirahayami - Nuh. Deal with it. And it's Dude'tte'.**

**Tristadin - Doesn't it do that to everyone? I think mine is too right now.**

**Lolmaster - Hmm... I think that's about all Roy's going to be burning... unless you suggest me somethings for OMAKE scenes. It will make the story longer, and if I get inspired, it might even be more than two pages!**

**Huitt - Haha, I think Rita's tougher than that.**

**Ivory Jade 6669 - I am!! I am!! I'm glad you likey.**

**Sapphia - I chewed mine off ever since I was four. now I'm above that. I use a tool. get a knife and grate the edge of your nail, from your skin (though I also cut skin off as well) and when white comes up, put the blade underneath, hold the white part, then peel it. I warn you, your nail _will_ get uglier. Mine has dented parts and pointy shaped (cause it got infected) and it bleeds a lot. I told you how to, but that doesn't mean I encouraged you to try.**

**Trustdeceit - Thank you! (laughed = story was funny = compliment = my food)**

**EdwardCullenIsCoolerThanYou - uhm. Yes. And your ID is LONG.**

* * *

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The weeks went by slowly; while everyone was buzzing with excitement for the Triwizard Tournament, the Elric brothers had not been interested any more than they had been for Winry's Automail course.

Edward Elric walked down the darker outer hallways, his eyes idly counting the leaves falling. He had just been with his brother, when Karkaroff entered and hushed Alphonse away. After a while, his brother came back in, and informed him (before he got whisked away by his new Slytherin friends) that the first task was to fight a Dragon.

A Dragon.

A _Dragon_.

Ed sighed. So there were six dragons, and each champions had to fight one to pass. From what he'd read before in Hogwarts' and Beauxbatons' library, Dragons had claws that cut through steel, scales that bounced off most of the magic known (though it didn't really affect the brothers), and usually breathed fire. Now _what_ could the Elric brothers do to get rid of those dragons? Killing it was probably off limits, since most Dragons were protected species, not to mention it would be pretty much impossible.

"Hey! Cedric!" Edward looked away from the 34th leave to fall, to see … Harry Potter, was it, run towards what he presumed was Cedric.

"Wait! Stop!"

The PuffyPuff (or something), according to the color of his scarf, didn't do anything until the other boy came to him.

"What is it, Potter?"

"Dragons," said the gasping boy, and Ed's ears peaked at the very familiar word. Of course, he had heard it from Al who got it from Karkaroff, who probably wanted Alphonse to win for Durmstrang, and Fleur would probably hear it from Maxime, by the way the woman flirted with the gamekeeper. But how did _Harry_, of all people, had seen it?

Edward, always the brazen one, decided to go and see upfront and see what the other boy knew. If not much, it would be better to inform them… both. It would be fairer to start on the same ground.

"… What?" asked Cedric, quirking one eyebrow at the other teen as Ed started to trot towards them.

"The first challenge," Harry gasped again, "they're Dragons. There are four of them… for whatever reason… maybe as a spare…"

"Six, actually, one each," said Ed, flipping up one hand in greeting. The two Hogwarts students snapped their heads to him, startled that someone had been listening to their conversation. "What? It's not like it's news to me," shrugged Edward.

"Why are you … both of you, telling me this?" said Cedric, his eyes going back and forth to the two 'rivals' in distrust. "Isn't it better for me to be ignorant for you to win?"

Harry shrugged. "I saw Madame Maxime see the dragons, so it's probably where she-" he pointed at Ed with his chin.

Ed interrupted with a growl, "_HE._"

The boys momentarily stared at the fuming blonde. Harry blushed, and continued:

"… um, he, heard about them, and-"

"-and no, she didn't tell me yet, but my brother got informed by Karkaroff already," said Ed, cutting Harry's sentence again with an annoyed frown.

"-so you're the only one without a fair chance, and I thought it would be better if we competed on even grounds…" trailed off Harry, the awkward stare from Cedric getting to him.

Cedric looked at Ed, who stared back, and then looked at Harry.

"… Thanks, I guess, Potter, er…" he sputtered, unsettled by the showmanship from two of his supposed 'rivals'.

"Elric. _Edward_ Elric," supplied Ed.

An uncomfortable silence settled into the empty hallway.

"Yeah, well… later," said Harry, breaking the silence, and turned away towards what Ed assumed was Harry's house's dorms.

The two who were left again settled into an uncomfortable silence, where Cedric stared at Ed and Ed stared right back. Edward quickly grew bored and started to count the leaves falling behind the other student in his mind, when Cedric broke the silence with a question.

"… Are you really a boy?"

* * *

**"Brother?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Why is that guy looking at you like that?"**

**"..."**

**"... Is that a black eye?"**

**"... Maybe."**

**Mrawgirl09**


	11. Chapter 11

**Narutolovesme2 is back! I have someone to talk to! XD**

**Oh yeah. Someone suggested me a yaoi and pushing the rating up to M. ... I meant in my comments like ... if the language or the scenes in the story is too explicit for the rating T, and when I get 10 reviews that say it's too sexual/violent for T, THEN I will change it to M. But~ I guess it still counts as one. So. Nine to go.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**And Please review! XD**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Hirahayami - lol, I think it was more disbelief than asking out.**

**Hostile Silence - Uhh... yeah. I explained it in the above, ... but if you still want it, I will consider it. It still counts as one, unless you'd like to cancel it. If it does go through, tho, I will have to change some scenes later on ...**

**Lolmaster - Aww, I like dragons too! Especially the one Ed's going to fight.**

**Sapphia - I dunno, really. I've been doing it since 4, it's like a habit I can't break. And yes, it is. XD**

**Trustdeceit - I know. But, since I made in this fic the male students... well, _quite_ numb, I don't think they'll be able to read it before they hit on Ed.**

**Narutolovesme2 - Yes, but what do you want Roy to blam?**

**Mistytail - "YES DAMNIT!!"**

* * *

**Enjoy! And I actually researched the dragons, and I SWEAR The dragon and brothers pairing was ACCIDENTAL.**

**Ed was chosen to fight RANDOMLY The Antipodean Opaleye.**

**The Antipodean Opaleye is the most beautiful dragon and is one dragon that doesn't really _like_ harming humans... Well, it more or less ignores humans.**

* * *

The brothers shivered as cheers roared outside the tent.

Every time one champion left the tent, the crowds cheered and booed, yelling something or groaning unintelligible things. The Bagman guy's comments from here and there didn't really help the brothers' adrenalin-induced anticipation. The crowd roared once again, louder than ever before, showing that Harry had gotten the egg.

One of the Hogwarts teachers came into the tent and informed Edward that his turn had come, and Ed nodded briefly to Al.

"Good luck, brother," said Alphonse, his smile unwavering.

"This will be nothing Al; it's going to be all cheers you'll be hearing from here," replied Ed, and with a small punch in the air, which Alphonse returned, the golden manes disappeared through the sheets of canvases.

Alphonse stayed on the bench, trying to calm himself from worry for his brother.

**_And here comes Edward Elric!_**

The Crowd cheered again, but it sounded more like out of excited-politeness from the previous, probably awesome show from Harry Potter.

Alphonse started tapping the floor with his feet. The crowd was quiet.

Too quiet.

What was happening? Alphonse started biting his lips.

People were wowing. What was happening? Al shook his head. The Antipodean Opaleye, from what he had been told and read, was near harmless when it came to humans.

It was probably alright.

Probably.

Somebody screamed. Alphonse started to distract himself by looking at the little replicas of dragons. The Hungarian Horntail _really_ looked scary.

There was a grunt, and the crowd sighed. It was a relieving sigh; it was good news.

**_It looks like the Opaleye ignored him! That's going to be an easy win for-_**

And _then_ he heard Ed's voice.

"who … call-… short … overgrown … torch … ?!"

Alphonse nearly ran out when the crowd started screaming.

**_BLOODY HELL SOMEONE GET HIM!!_**

Correct that, Al _did_ run out.

_BAM!!_

When Alphonse arrived at the sidelines where the wizards were climbing out the arena, he saw an immense mass of beautiful pearl-white scales cascading down the beautiful curve of the dragon's front body.

That must have hurt, did anyone see what he used for that explosion?

Trailing his eyes upwards, he momentarily saw a blue mass of silk… correction, his _brother_, falling from the sky. Alphonse looked at him, his heart clenched, his mind screaming along with the crowd, as Edward rolled in the air and landed gracefully onto the long pearly tail.

As he slid down the white tail smoothly, the Dragon bared teeth, which had quite a few missing, and huffed at the small human running-sliding towards her eggs.

**_Bloody Hell!_** shouted Bagman as Ed flipped in mid-slide, effectively evading the dragon's bright red flames. Ed proceeded to run up the curling tail, and jumped off, landing immediately among the pale blue-green eggs and onto the Golden Egg.

**_And he gets it! For the shortest time, even before Harry Potter!_**

Just then, the mother's other breath covered Edward and the eggs.

The crowd gasped.

"ED!!" shouted Alphonse, dashing towards the site, where the beautiful pupil-less opals stared curiously at the approaching human. The younger brother could hear shouts from the crowd and the dragon keepers for him to stay back, but Alphonse didn't take off his eyes from where Ed had been.

Alphonse was about to clap when he saw the familiar electric-blue flash sizzle through the red flames and black smoke.

He barely noticed the wizards at the sideline step in, wands zapping stunning spells at the mother dragon. The smoke started to clear, and the small dome alchemisized back into the rock nest underneath. The eggs were safe, Al noted. Edward looked around, the Golden Egg tucked under his arm and blue silk tattered and singed from the closeness to a dragon's fire.

Alphonse would have cried in relief when Edward finally noticed, grinned, and waved at his brother. Alphonse would have hugged his brother and then scolded him for being thoughtless and worrying him. Alphonse would have punched him for busting that beautiful dragon's teeth.

Edward ran towards Al, his unoccupied hand up in apology (as he could guess what his brother would say by that point). His eyes were sparkling in adrenaline and happiness from success, his boyish smile free from its usual lurking melancholy and maliciousness.

Edward _was_ happy that he managed to beat the dragon _and_ get the best score by two points. Perhaps he was _too_ happy that, running towards his brother, he didn't see the swishing white tail flying towards him, nor did he hear the warning cries from the crowd behind him.

Alphonse was about to hit Edward, when all of a sudden, Edward was gone.

**_Ooh, that had to have hurt!_**

* * *

**_This type of writing is Bagman shouting... if you haven't noticed yet._**

**So Ed gets to fight the most beautiful and the most gentle Antipodean Opaleye, and he manages to get eated.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hellooooo everyone~~~**

**I had something to say. I really did. I just.. don't remember it.**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**And Please review! XD**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Lolmaster - hahah, actually it's a deleted scene; Ed marched in front of the dragon, it sniffed him, and snorted and looked away. Yayze!**

**Nrtlm2 - XD I'll update the side story next time!**

**Trustdeceit - I agree.**

**Sapphia - Haha, no, he got out by bursting the dragon's teeth. He actually got hit by the tail. lol**

**ForeverFalling86 - Yay! You remembered! Actually, he blew up at the dragon, got eaten, and then burst out from its mouth, then after he got the egg, got hit by a stray swish of Opaleye's tail. I'm glad you're enjoying it!**

**Tristadin - Ahahah, you remind me of another fic where FMA characters talk about incostistencies in fanfics. I actually changed his turn after I read that. I'm glad you are, I hope I will keep on satisfying you!!**

**Hirahayami - Aah! Sorry! Sorry! ;A;**

**Hostilesilence - YAY! XD I'm glad it's getting better. This is actually a bit longer than most others... eheheh...;;**

**Wampricknyx - Aheheh, it seems a lot of people are getting confused with that... Yay laughter!! XD And I have an admiring reader!! XD YAYY!!**

**

* * *

**

**I'm so happy right now.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

After about 10 minutes of panicking, Edward was finally admitted into the infirmary tent, where the finished champions were getting treated.

**_Mister Alphonse Elric, if you_** _**please!**_

Looking back once more, seeing his brother somehow moving and sputtering painfully at the Colonel next to him, and stepped out into the 'stage'.

The crowd cheered and he looked around. Nothing

"Right… uhm… Hello? Anyone… any dragon there?" asked Alphonse, as he treaded carefully through unsteady rocky grounds. He felt a bead of sweat roll down his back as his thick uniform became stuffy.

Al took of his robe, only stifling in his inner uniform. The girls squealed, and as Alphonse considered taking off his jacket just before he saw a flicker at the corner of his left eye. He snapped his head to the left, staring at the dark corner of a pile of rocks. The crowd stared with him.

Al's eyes narrowed, gold staring into a spot where he thought he saw two very dark gold eyes staring back.

He felt a drop of sweat fall from his eyelash, and blinked.

The dragon jumped.

**_Aah! That was a surprise attack!_**

Al instinctively jumped back, flipping backwards, avoiding every snap of the dragon's teeth with ease a man with closed eyes cannot perform. He knew by reading and the information Karkaroff gave him, that the Peruvian Vipertooth's fangs were venomous.

Not that he wouldn't have been able to deduce it himself.

Avoiding another swipe, Alphonse ducked and ran for the eggs.

Apparently, no matter how small a dragon was (the Vipertooth was about 15 feet long), it was still faster than humans.

Everybody, even Bagman, screamed when the venomous Dragon appeared in front of Alphonse and bared its fangs, ready to take in its favorite meal.

Human meat.

Alphonse didn't manage to halt.

Instead, he jumped over the dragon, running over the mother atop her eggs. Before the Vipertooth turned and bite him, which it did, Alphonse jumped and rolled away from the dragon.

Running around the nest, Al dodged continually the rocks the dragon was hauling at him, until he found an unusually flat and long rock. Checking back, he saw the Vipertooth running towards him.

"Al!!"

Alphonse instinctively looked at the side, where Edward ran out of the infirmary tent, bandages flailing around him and transmuted automail-blade hanging out from his tattered blue sleeves.

The dragon seemed to notice the uproar around it, and looked back, where a short blonde human was running white-eyed at him with a sword in his hand. Well, more like _on_ his hand.

"Brother!!" Yelled Alphonse in alarm, startling the Vipertooth back to its original object of attention.

"Edward!!" Al saw Mustang run out and thankfully grab onto the injured blonde before Ed got the chance to get within 15 feet from the dragon. Unfortunately, he didn't see the said dragon sneaking up behind him.

Watching the dark-haired man drag Edward back into the tent, a small voice nagged Alphonse from the back of his mind.

"Alphonse!!" Shouted Mustang, his voice dubbed with screams from the crowd.

**_Ouch!_**

Al wasn't all that familiar with pain. Not like his brother. He saw the world go white as his side was crushed by the Vipertooth, tackling into him and knocking him over a couple of chasms of rocks.

The crowd ooh-ed when they saw Alphonse get tossed around, and aah-ed when the champion rolled over and stood up and dashed away from the venomous teeth.

Alphonse swayed a bit, and started running.

**_What is he doing?_**

He jumped over another snap of the dragon's teeth, and threw a reasonably big rock over the flat one he had seen before, tilted upon a smaller boulder.

It looked okay for a cliché-looking trap.

He jumped up and around, gathering more and more rocks to pull and throw on the pile of rocks, almost burying the first boulder on the plate. The crowd seemed to catch on, and started cheering him on.

He set himself on the pile of rocks, looking at the seething Vipertooth that seemed to be only slightly out of breath.

It jumped, and Alphonse ducked. He jumped away from the pile of rocks, over the snapping jaws of the Vipertooth as he landed gracefully near the rocky nest.

He heard the mother dragon screech as the pile of rocks, activated by its own weight, buried her underneath.

**_By golly, it's a trap! But-oof!!_**

Alphonse reached for the egg, but when he grabbed it he was suddenly pulled back, right into the mouth of the Vipertooth.

Not exactly the 'mouth', because her jaw was crushed by a small boulder just before his feet, wrapped around with its tongue, reached the first set of teeth.

However, unfortunately, he still had quite a few boulders and rocks crumbling down from the top, getting bigger as they reached his body.

Al clenched his eyes, and felt his mind fade away as he heard the last comment from Bagman ring out.

**_He has the Egg! And someone get him to the infirmary!_**

**

* * *

**

And next chapter will be a secret chapter that one of the readers asked me.

Mrawgirl09


	13. Chapter 13

**I do NOT believe myself.**

**Not only do I FORGET to update, I DESTROYED one chapter which I have to rewrite, and NOW the internet is failing. ARGH!!!**

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**And Please review! XD**

**Anyways.**

**This story has been suggested by one of the reviewers! Ed vs. Redhead, Part 2!! Feat. Roy Mustang and Golden Trio!!**

* * *

**Foreverfalling - YAY! Suspense transmit, check! XD**

**Lolmaster - WHAT!! Al's gonna DIE?! Meh, I think the dragons will think Roy as a cub or something. What with fire and all.**

**Narutolovesme2 - YAY awesomeness!!**

**Hirahayami - Ah, Al's not bitten; The dragon's jaw was squished by a rock. lol. I dunno about writing short... I just don't want to see the screen for too long... not that I don't already..**

**Taranova - Gary-stu? Interested author is interested in how interested is an interested fangirl is interested in interesting stuff.**

**Hostilesilence - Thou shalt find out in this chapterrrrrrrrr~~**

* * *

**Side Chapter 1**

The crowd cheered on as Edward was hauled into the infirmary tent.

"Bloody _hell_, mate," said Ron, looking back to Harry whom he had just made up with. Harry was also staring at the diminutive blonde, his green eyes mesmerized in the crimson liquid that flowed down the blonde's blue silk-clothed arm. "How the _hell_ did he manage to do _that?_"

Ron peeked outside the tent, looking at the ribbon numbers that just started to disappear.

"He's got better points than you did!" yelped the redhead, his head twisting backwards in a comical fashion.

"I know," said Harry, noting the black-haired assistant professor running in shortly behind the medical team, "she's really something…" he said, then stopped when he saw Ron's face turn ashen then pale.

"Ooh, you better watch your mouth in front of her…" muttered Ron, suddenly blushing. "I mean, him…"

"Him? He's a boy?"

"Yeah, from what he's told me when I tried to ask him out," Ron shrugged, shrugging, "and you know what, I heard Zambini got a broken nose, then Lee's got a 'stomachache', Cedric suddenly got a black eye, Corey's shin bone's cracked, Neville's got slapped, Corner got a few teeth broken, and …" he looked around, then leant into Harry, his voice down to a whisper. "Goyle _cried._"

Goyle? Harry couldn't believe his ears. _Goyle?_ Did he hear his best friend right?

"You mean it's all what that guy's done to them?" gaped Harry, looking back at the unconscious girl-uhh, _boy_ lying in a bed just next to him.

"Who else would have done it?" Ron shrugged, "I bet they'd hit on him."

"Why would she-"

"He."

"He hit the guys … oh. Right." Harry blushed, and then realized something.

His face loosened into a smirk, and to Ron's horror, Harry's eyes _glinted_ as he asked, "But didn't you just tell me you did too?"

Ron's face turned beet red. "Yeah…"

"Why didn't he hit you?"

"I 'unno…" The smirk didn't go away. If anything, one of Harry's eyebrows lifted up.

"Maybe, just _maybe_… he … likes … you?"

Ron's face couldn't get any redder, his eyes looking at anything except Harry's face… until they landed on Ed.

"… You think?" he asked tentatively, earning a snort. Growling, Ron looked up into Harry's face; they may be friends, but there was no right to make fun-

Harry's face, actually, was free from its previous smirk, but had turned pale, eyes wide as a blush of embarrassment dusted over his cheeks.

"A_hem_."

"Bloody hell-" Ron jumped, and twisting back, he saw two black eyes staring down at him. They weren't accusing, but Ron's heart dropped when the black eyes drifted sideways.

Ron snapped to his right and clenched his eyes, exclaiming, "I'm sorry!"

Harry stifled a laugh, and when Ron heard it and opened his eyes, he saw the blonde still unresponsive, eyes closed tight in pain, and blood slowly starting to coagulate.

Ron blushed hard again, but let out a relieved sigh. He _really_ didn't want to get to Ed's bad side. He risked a glance at Edward's face. _Really._

The black haired man smirked at them, and walked around the blonde's bed.

"I didn't know you liked redheads, Edward."

Edward didn't open his eyes, but frowned and moved his trembling fingers into a rude gesture towards Mustang. He groaned as he felt the fingers twist and crack.

Ron paled. Ed _wasn't_ so unconscious after all.

Mustang sighed and pushed down Ed's right hand onto his abdomen.

"Don't move your fingers, Ed, or else they might actually break instead of just cracking."

"Fu…ck… you…"

"Where, when, how?" replied Mustang, smirking as Ron and Harry turned a deep shade of red. "… Or so I would say usually. Just shut up and stay put. Poppy!"

The foursome stayed motionless in an awkward silence as Mustang held Edward's hand down (so he wouldn't try to break them again) and waited for Madam Pomfrey to come and treat Ed.

"Harry-oh! Sorry." Hermione, who had just jumped into the tent, had her eyes go wide as she saw the battered blonde on the bed next to Harry. "Is she going to be alright?"

Ron's face turned pale again, Harry's red, and Mustang burst into laughter.

"That's no girl, Hermione!" Ron hissed, praying that Edward had fallen unconscious again. "He's male!"

"Ron!" Hermione snapped at him, "it's rude to call girls a boy! Just because she knows how to do martial arts doesn't mean it's right to call her a man!"

_Crackle-wham!_

"Eeek!"

A huge stone-earth spike had formed from the ground, ripping a giant hole in Hermione's robe.

"… _not_ … a … girl … stupid …" said a murmur, and Roy Mustang sighed.

"Edward, control yourself," he muttered, as he leant over the broken body and recovered the other hand from the floor where it had dropped to.

Hermione looked at Ron with wide eyes, who shrugged helplessly.

"I _told_ you so," said Ron.

"How did she do that?" asked Harry, his eyes wide in surprise towards the diminutive blond.

Edward pried open his eyes, and glared at the Boy Who Lived. "I… am … _not_ … a … _fucking_ … _girl_ … you … _fucking_ … _idiot_ …" he said, breathing heavily with each word.

"Shut up Full… body-cast Edward, you'll break your neck again." Just in time, Ed convulsed, and spewed out a good amount of blood. "_Ms. Pomfrey_!!" Mustang called urgently.

"Coming, coming!"

"Oh my-" Pomfrey said as soon as she arrived. She flipped her wand twice, fixing Ed's neck and fitting it with a neck brace. Then she started probing down Ed's body, looking for leaks, breaks, and other pains. "Don't worry, broken bones can be fixed up in no time! Though, the internal bleeding will take some … and it seems like the colon burst."

"I'll be … fine…" muttered Edward, blurting another liter of blood.

"Of course you'll be fine! _I_ am treating you with the best of my abilities!" snapped Pomfrey, misunderstanding his words. A moment later, she straightened her back, and turned towards Mustang. "Now you just make sure he gets his rest for the next two weeks at _least_."

Mustang looked like he wanted to burn something.

"What? You are a capable adult, aren't you?" asked Pomfrey flippantly, as she started looking at Harry once again before releasing him.

"I can't believe – you don't know – do you have any idea how – " Mustang palmed his face. He redressed, and almost begged, "It is _impossible_ to keep an Elric, especially it said Elric is Edward, in bed, awake, for more than 3… 2… half a minute."

Harry would have smiled if the professor didn't seem so _genuine_.

"Surely you're joking about that, sir?" asked Hermione, her eyes tentative.

"Why don't _you_ try to keep him in bed, then; see how _you_ can control him," muttered Mustang, his eyes dark as he glared at Edward, who had his eyes closed again.

"It's impossible," Mustang shook his head.

Pomfrey scowled, and slapped the man on his back. "He shouldn't even be able to stand for the next five days, you'll be fine."

"But-"

"You'll be _fine_."

Just as Pomfrey said the sentence, however, a scream erupted from the crowd outside. Alphonse seemed to have some problems with the dragon.

"Alphonse!"

Everybody jumped, and only had a chance to glance at the empty bed and turn to the entrance of the tent as a golden flash zipped past the canvas.

"Al!!"

"Damn it, Fullmetal!!" Yelled the Assistant Professor, running behind the battered Beauxbatons student as he scampered outside, his arm already transmuted into a sword (which surprisingly nobody noticed it being alchemisized).

Harry, Ron, and Hermione only looked on in disbelief as a beetle flew away from amidst Harry's hair.

* * *

**My eye hurts... Ow.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	14. Chapter 14

**Wow. 99 reviews. I just realised, I could have launched some kind of an event for the 100th review or something. Like, at around 80's... **

**I wonder...**

**The first review I will get for this chapter will be my first 100th. I ... would ... write a story for them, either from my list in my profile, or something they suggest to me. **

**But- even if the review number is over 100, please,_ please_ review? Please?**

**There are quite a few points I'm thinking of right now... **

**Oay, uhh. I'm... actually thinking of putting in a slight... ... one sided RonEd here. I'm not really sure about it, and I would REALLY like to hear what the readers would have to say. I'm actually thinking of putting mostxEd until at some point either Ed or Al cracks. So... if you no like, please, PLEASE tell me... I am still not going to put any pairing.... ... .. . but right now I'm unsure. Convince me to or not. please?**

**So... right now I'm playing around with ... RoyEd, an outward suspicion of Elricest(you know how protective they are), Al/Hermione/Viktor, MAYBE RonEd, and PERHAPS, just MAYBE HarryEd, a DracoEd where Draco doesn't know Ed's a boy (ahemTaranovahumhum)**

**Also, I'm in the process of rewriting an OPFMA (One Piece and Full Metal Crossover), because the one when I first wrote it down... it is BEYOND suckish. Therefore, I might be later in my updates (I used up all of my spare chapters - I really have to WRITE now). To whomever interested, I might warn you that it isn't as funny as this one... I wrote it more for ... _dark ... sadness-angst_, rather than humor. If you're going to read the first one... called The Short Encounter, I'm not stopping you, but I _swear _to myself that it SUCKS.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**

* * *

**

Nrtlm2 - Ahahah! I wonder what? (No seriously, I have no idea)

Sapphia - Don't get used to it, please! But I'm glad you like!

ForverFallin - Sorry about the short name... I am QUITE lazy about everything at the moment... I'm glad you like it, I just _had_ to put that Goyle in.

Mistytail - Thanks!

Lolmaster - I made them QUITE ignorant... I feel stupid... I think this will probably continue until the Yule Ball. Oops... damn.

Youthflwlfie - Sorry for the short name, I'm too lazy to write down everything... your name IS quite long... Aw... ;A; it wasn't? Now they would... I think. At least in the next chapter the would.

Riley Carbine - My, my! Is that a suggestion for a RoyEd? *wink wink*

Hirahayami - I should shorten this name up as well... uhh, yeah it was long, but I don't know if I can keep it up. ... well, I doubt I'll keep it up. Please still like it, though!

**Hostilesilence - I should shorten yours too, really. You made the 99th!! WHO will be the 100th?! XD Of COURSE Ed doesn't mind broken bones for Al!! When I update, not only Goyle will cry, but Crabbe will... will... Crabbe will _sulk!!! For days!!_**

_**

* * *

**_

**I enjoyed so much reading your reviews.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did!!**

* * *

Alphonse woke up staring at two golden orbs staring back down in worry.

"Uuuugh… what happened?" he asked, trying to get up. _Trying_.

"You came out last, with 17 points," said Edward, pushing his brother back down. "They cut loads of your points for destroying all of the other eggs," Ed shrugged, and smiled.

Alphonse's eyes rolled about, taking in the surrounding environment. There was nobody, except for the brothers, and he assumed either they were in a special room in the tent or the rest had already been treated and left.

"So I wasn't dreaming of being flattened to a crepe…" Al's eyes settled on Edward, who smiled.

Ed had a bandage around his head, a neck brace, a sling and more bandages underneath his clothes, by the looks of it.

"You?" asked Alphonse.

"I got the highest, 2 points higher than Harry Potter," grinned Edward, showing one smaller canine tooth which Alphonse assumed was magically re-growing after being popped out.

"And I swear, Alphonse Elric, that if you dare do it ever again," Ed smiled as he grabbed onto Al's fixed wrist, "I will personally leave you at the Gate," he squeezed, "somehow."

"Ugh, whatever," replied Alphonse, struggling weakly to get his hand out of Ed's vice-automail grip, "so I'm last? At least I'm not dead."

"Yes, but you get less time to prepare for the next task, being injured like that, where we're supposed to figure out what it is with the Eggs."

Al's eyes went wide. "The Eggs…. Damn the Gate!! The Egg-!!"

"It didn't break, if that's what you're worried about, I brought here so we could figure it out together. This is yours," replied Edward, tossing the Golden Egg on Al's chest.

Alphonse sat up, with Ed's help, and tossed the Egg around in his hands before opening it.

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_

Ed snapped close the Shrieking Egg.

"GuHUGH!! What the … fuck… was that?"

"I have… no… idea…" said Al, his eyes blank as he tried to get rid of the ringing in his ears. He shook his head, looked at Edward with a grin, and said, "Let's try that again!"

* * *

Alphonse was re-tying his shoelaces when he had heard the voice.

"Excuse me, young man."

"Yes-oh." Al's face quickly dulled to a nervous frown. Rita Skeeter. "Um, I need to go-"

"I only need a few words from you," said Skeeter, smiling sweetly as he sat Alphonse back down onto the bed. "I only didn't get an interview from you out of all of the champions."

"Brother didn't say anything about having an interview-" oh _why_ did he send Edward off first to the library?!

"He just might have forgotten it, I assure you." Rita smiled, the floating quill next to her quivering slightly as it jotted down, seemingly, everything.

"I guess…" Al sighed. He let his eye trail towards the parchment, to make sure he didn't say anything that could be twisted to … "Why is that quill saying that my 'eyes clouded over with concealed love for his sis-'"

Al blanched.

"W-wait, E-Ed's not a-"

"Oh, just ignore the quill, please, do continue." Said Rita, smiling uneasily as she ripped the parchment off and stuffed it in her crocodile bag.

"Wait, what-" Alphonse shook his head. He _didn't_ want to know. "Uhh, sorry, but I gotta go-"

Before he got up, he was grabbed by the reporter (read Evil Woman) and sat back down.

"Oh come on, it's only an interview-"

"Ed!!" he yelled, seeing his brother come back towards the tent.

Thankfully, Ed saw him, and the reporter, and started running.

"Al?" asked he, coming into the tent, and scowled at the green-clad woman. "You again?!"

Rita only managed to push her quill into her bag when Edward grabbed it, with Rita still hanging onto it, and shoved it through the back of the tent, before grabbing Alphonse and stomping out the front.

"Come on!!"

Ed glanced back as they reached the castle. "What did she _do_ this time?"

"She wanted an interview… thank you _so_ much for getting me outta there," smiled Al.

"Hey, no prob," Ed smiled back and let go of his hand. His face then turned dark, "she tried it with me, too. Stupid floating quill started writing me as a she…"

"Um… yeah." Al couldn't help himself but blush, thinking back to what the quill was writing in the tent. Thankfully, Ed wasn't looking back.

Alphonse remained quiet until they reached the library.

* * *

**To do is to be,**

**To be is to do;**

**Beedoobeedoobeedoo.**

**... or was it the other way around?**

**Mrawgirl09**


	15. Chapter 15

**Alright!! XD I've got so many reviews!! XD I'm so very happeh. Congratulations to Spirit Alchemist for winning the 100th reviewer prize!!! I am currently writing three fics at the same time, yours, HPFMA, and OPFMA. Fun, but not so much when I confuse the files.**

**Alright, so since two people said anything about pairings or half(crush)-pairings, I am going to say:**

**There will be no complete pairings, where one likes another, and the other returns the feeling. **

**There _will _be crushes like Ron, Draco, and some other poor soul having a crush on Ed. Ron knows, he may either be in denial or just in a phase. Draco will not. Any other, you may suggest. RoyEd and Elricest will not be applicable, cause it's how the others in the fic will be looking at them... it's part of the plot that they are not ... implicitly and explicitly _together_. **

**Anyways.**

* * *

******I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

* * *

**The Spirit Alchemist - Elricest kills me too. Thank you and Congrats again!! I'll work fast to write the fic up!**

**Rileycarbine - Oh yeah. The second task. Trying to work that out was _tough_. I can't believe I'm being mind-read!! You're too good for this story!! Thank you!!**

**Sphia - lawl. Before Ed kills Rita, he'd have to save Al from Charlie for breaking all those eggs.**

**Frvrflln - Who says I'll write an article? They're too hard to write... for me. But, Rita won't only be there. Watch out for Rita, everyone!!**

**Hirhymi - sorry about the short name. I just want to sleep. Thanks!! Like I said, the main chapters will prolly be short, while the secret side chapters have a chance of being long.**

**Kametrtl - Aheheh, I'm trying to shorten people's IDs... Yeah, I was thinking of Al's second name, then I got lazy. I'd love to read Harry Potter the fourth book all over again if it means Ed, Al and Roy will be there. Ahahah, you would like that, wouldn't you? =u=++**

**Youthflwlfie - I say too that it is time. . . for SPEW. (Dun Dun DUNNNN)**

**Lolmster - "Everyone!! Join me in my conquest in killing Rita!!!" (Ed Al Hermione Hagrid pick up pitchforks - Dumbledore picks up a wand)**

**Hostlslnce - Ooh~ I likey that you likes that much~~~**

**

* * *

**

**Well, Everyone, Enjoy the first part of Al's first meeting with Hermione's SPEW group!!**

* * *

"I don't want to be a part of some organization that's named after retching!" yelled Ron, his voice ringing in the hallways.

"It's not!!! S.P.E.W is the Society for the Promotion of the- oh whatever." Hermione sighed.

"Alphonse would probably understand me, or Viktor," she looked around, as if looking for said boys.

Hermione and Viktor hit off quite well, and after Viktor had introduced Alphonse to her, the three had almost created yet another Golden Trio.

Edward however, didn't seem to like Hermione all that much. Too much of a prick, Ed had said once. Ron would have objected if he didn't know he had the same attitude once long ago. Harry... well, Harry developped a nasty habit of watching people fight things out.

"Oh! There goes Alphonse!" Hermione's face brightened, and skipped over at the teen.

"Yeah right, because they don't know what spewing is," grumbled Ron, ignoring Harry's snicker, and trudged behind the happy girl.

"Alphonse! Alphonse Elric!" She exclaimed happily, waving her hands. She had gotten within less than ten feet when she finally noticed another blonde head, hidden next to Alphonse. Hermione's face dimmed down to a near scowl, as Ron's brightened up into crimson red. "… and … Edward… Elric."

"Hello, Ms Granger!" Answered Alphonse brightly, waving one hand in greeting.

Edward, however, scowled in distaste as he stopped beside his brother.

"What do _you_ want, Granger," asked Edward, making it sound more a statement than an actual question. Ed ignored the jab at his side.

"H-h-hello, E-Elrics," said Harry, trying to stop himself from smirking as Ron and Hermione turned redder by the minute.

It was just hilarious, really. Hermione seemed to be swaying from Viktor and Alphonse, both being very handsome, intelligent, and athletic. Edward didn't seem to like that very much. When Harry had asked passively, Edward had muttered something that Al had won years ago, and that he didn't like the way Hermione was going back and forth. Harry didn't understand most of it, but it was clear that Ed didn't like Hermione very much. There was also the fact that Ed had once 'attacked' Hermione, as she had put it, but it was again because she had called Ed a girl.

Ron, on the other hand… he was in good terms with Alphonse, or trying to be; he either was _really_ embarrassed with himself of that first time he'd met Ed, or Ron was actually, _for real_, _attracted _to _Edward_.

It was weird, so to say the least, but it was fun to watch.

After all, it wasn't possible that Ron, who as so far was interested in the prime example of a beautiful girl, Fleur, was suddenly interested in _Edward, _right?

"Che," muttered Edward, his eyes averting to the side.

Alphonse sighed, and nodded slightly in apology. "Sorry about him, he has no manners."

"I noticed," sniffed Hermione, scooting sideways away from Edward. "Anyway, what do you think about slavery, Alphonse?"

"Ugh," Ed groaned, "so _obviously_ rhetorical."

Alphonse frowned, looking at Hermione confusedly. "Um… it's bad?"

Harry snorted, and Ed scoffed.

"Exactly!!" Hermione clapped her hands, and talked even more animatedly. "And guess what, the human rights law only applies to human beings, and not on animals, or other poor creatures!!"

"No! Really?"

Ron started to snicker behind Hermione at Ed's sarcastic jabs, but Hermione seemed to not notice them.

"And that's why I recommend S.P.E.W!"

"You sound like you're selling an illegal product," muttered Edward, crossing his arms. Harry couldn't help but smirk. Ed glared at him, growling something suspiciously similar to 'arrogant bastard look-alike'.

"Spew?" Asked Alphonse, uneasily eyeing the redhead act-throwing up behind Hermione.

"It's the Society for the Promotion of the Elfish Welfare!" The girl's eyes were sparkling with delight; she obviously was _very_ enthusiastic about this. "The house elves so far has been abused by many, by ordering them around, bewitching them to stay when they're too scared, or to do, obey and be scared, with lots of training of self-hurting and-"

Alphonse's face became increasingly pale as he listened to the points, his jaw dropping slowly as he imagined all the horrible things the wizards were making house elves do.

"That's horrible-!!"

Ed couldn't just wait and make sarcastic remarks anymore. Alphonse was on the verge of doing something he'd regret.

"Wait, wait, wait- Are you sure that's how the elves are like?"

Hermione was startled for a second. Ed actually _participated_ in her and Al's discussion? "Of course!! We even have Dobby the house elf with us!"

"And that makes you how many?" The girl instantly sobered up; it was obviously a small one, which meant it had only just begun.

"Seven … if you signed up," she said, suggestively raising her tone and a badge with the words SPEW on it, "and it's three sickles for the badge."

"So it's five." Ed deadpanned. "Sorry, but no. Not me, or my brother."

"But Ed-"

Hermione looked scandalized. "Why do you decide for Alphonse? He's not your property or anything!! You act like those people who decide for the house elves!!"

As Hermione and Edward started to actually meet each other's eyes and stand directly in front, Alphonse tried his best to subdue either one of them. "Miss Hermione-"

He sent a glance to the other two who were watching, but only saw Harry smirking and starting a bet with Ron, who was cheering Ed on.

"I'm doing it for him because I know he's too kind to say no to people like you," Ed snapped. He almost literally threw Alphonse behind him, where he tried pulling Ed away, and continued, his golden eyes flashing.

* * *

**Ed's getting excited. Nothing better than a good arguement, Ed'd say. Except it wouldn't be so for Hermione. Stay tuned for the part two of this chapter.... in the form of chapter 16.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	16. Chapter 16

**Many many Many reviews!! Mraw-mraw happy!!**

**I know I don't update on Sundays, my day off and all, but I got carried away with writing that I finished off until the Yule Ball! so... I update now.**

**I'm writing right now Merged, a fanfic for Spirit Alchemist, who is this story's 100th reviewer! People who would like to see some Pride!Al.... or more specifically Manga!Pride!Al, and even more specifically Al!Manga!Pride, look it up either in my profile or on the newly updated list! :D**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**SprtAlcmst - No, she doesn't. (looks away and smirks)**

**Sphia - Argueing _is_ fun! But getting yours run over isn't. lol**

**Kame - THANK YOU. I'm hoping this one is even more amusing for you to read; Woot Woot! 6 pages long is good! Long chapters are good! I just think funny ones are better if they're cut short... but not too short. Like, if it's too long, you just stop laughing, you know? Unless the joke is _really_ good and it goes on longer than 6 pages and you're still laughing... but I don't have that courage or capability to write _that_ good of a joke.**

**HrHymi - Uhuh, and here comes more!**

**Nrtlm2 - You want Ed to hit rats? :D kidding.**

**TrstDn - Oh no, I think it makes me sadistic of wanting a deadEd. Though, there won't be any in this story. (sigh)**

**RlyCrbn - Ahahah, thanks for all your comments!! XD I don't love Harry Potter, but I don't think Harry's either a hero-complex prick, or an overly sensitive teen boy, so I put him in as laid back, especially since he'd gotten back with Ron!! (This sounds weird)**

**Sakura Lisel - New person!! = Full name. Expect name shortening next time - lol, I think Viktor did that on purpose (points at smirk). Go to the bathroom before you pee in your pants!! Cause Ed doesn't. It's all one-sided. it's all one sided. it'sallonesided...**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!

* * *

Alphonse was on the verge of panic.

If Edward was this 'enthusiastic' about a discussion it would not end well… the only people who could deal with his jabs were he and Mustang. Yes, not even Izumi could deal with Edward when he was in one of his 'talking' moods; she would thus beat him up.

"First of all, I know Dobby from meeting him a few times, other than that he's not like the other elves, he isn't an elf that would do all those things without provocation," Ed started counting off, and Hermione butt in.

"Exactly proves my point! The poor little creatures are so suppressed-"

"And yet they feel it's happy in their minds-"

"That's because they've been brainwashed for so long-"

"Don't you think I've tried?" Edward exploded, and Alphonse let go then. It was too late to stop him now. Might as well participate in the bets. "They do _not_ like freedom because they've had experience with it!! They are creatures that are guilt-ridden by element, by nature! The tortures they do upon themselves are self-inflicted, not trained!!"

"Or you would like to believe it-!!" Oh the girl was good, Al would give her that, even as he took a bet against her.

"Did you _ask_ how their life was, before you _thought_ and _decided _that their life must be miserable?!" Ed was just better. "Did _they_ ask you to stand up for them because they didn't have enough force?!"

"But they were-"

"Are you sure?" Ed asked, leaning into her, sharp gold boring into her soft brown eyes. Hermione shut up. Alphonse and Ron collected their share from a scowling Harry. "Ask yourself of every one of your claims, and think whether or not you're brainwashing yourself and the poor souls who believed you,"

"I…" Hermione was officially baffled, dumbstruck, silenced.

Ron silently wondered if that would stop her badgering him about spewing.

Edward sniffed, grabbed Al's wrist, and stomped away from the Golden Trio, narrowly missing a beetle as his automail foot searched for something to crush.

They had arrived at the Main Hall when Edward finally calmed down. "… Brother…" sighed Alphonse.

"What?"

"That was mean…"

"She got what she had coming," Ed crossed his arms and stood stubbornly. "She would have started a revolution, maybe, one that she'd have to force people to agree with her, and that would demolish the first point of having a revolution."

With that, Edward turned away from Alphonse and stomped towards the Main Entrance, only to slam into someone and fall down on his behind.

"What the-!!"

"Mr- Professor Dumbledore!"

Edward snapped his head up, and was met with a wrinkled old hand.

"Ah, what a convenient coincidence," laughed the Professor, as he hoisted Edward up. "Misters Elrics, if I may have a word with you?"

* * *

"WHAT?!" Edward's voice rang throughout the empty halls of Hogwarts, inducing a couple of teachers to poke their head out of their classrooms.

They were ignored.

"NO!! I'm _not_ going to any Yule _Ball_!!!"

"I'm afraid you must, Mr. Elric, it is not a choice for the Champions to do the first dance for Yule Ball," said Dumbledore, his eyes sparkling and his feet bouncing on his heels. The man seemed to be throughoutly enjoying the conversation.

"I don't even have a suit!!"

"You'll have to talk with your guardian of that," Dumbledore smiled, though to the brothers, it very uncomfortably came close to a smirk. "The Yule ball is in a few weeks, please, both of you need a partner for the first dance. No Exceptions."

As Dumbledore glided away from them, Alphonse nervously glanced at Edward, who had his jaw on the floor and eyes as wide as plates.

"Oh Come on!!"

* * *

Alphonse had to drag a bleeding Edward to the infirmary.

Stupid overreacting brothers.

Even stupider overreacting elder brothers who learn how to deal things… house elf wise.

* * *

**Here comes my fav part...**

**Soon. **

**Mrawgirl09**


	17. Chapter 17

**Ah! Ah! My fav part!! Just at the last line!! XD Here it comes!! Here it comes!!**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

******Ythflwlf - Ack!! Don't drool over the story!! You'll smudge the picture where Roy will lean into Ed!! *gets a mop* Ed _is _going to get _really_ cold... I'm not going to give him frostbite, though!**Lolmstr - Go Ed!! Go Ed!! Gogogo!! Because beating Hermione in a mind game means that they're just _that_ good.

**Kame - Is that a suggestion? *u* wait, WHAT. Are you reading my mind, or something?! Am I _that_ obvious?! D;**

**Nrtlm2 - lol. I couldn't wait to update.**

**Thsprtlchmst - I need to find a shorter name. I love this fic too!! Thank you, I'll try!!**

**TrstDn - Never seen it, but sounds fun. Someone else suggested this to me, too. Hmm. As much as I love DeadEd, there won't be any in this fic... (aww)**

**Hrhym - Haha, what, _more_ ?! But what about Draco bashing? D8**

**Sphia - VERY soon, now, cause it's like the last sentence of this chapter. Remember, though, Roy doesn't _need_ a partner, he's a teacher. (Breaks people's hearts)**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!

* * *

"Shut up!! Stop laughing! It's not funny!!" Edward yelled indignantly as he helped clean up after the last Herbology class with Mustang.

Why did he agree to this? Ah yes.

Alphonse.

Of course. Edward couldn't say no to Al, no matter what it was. Alphonse had first forced Ed to join in with the cleaning up, but soon ran away to hide when Hermione appeared with a whole box of SPEW pamphlets. Now it was just he and Mustang and _way_ too much foul-smelling pus all over the place. Just_ what_ were these people _teaching_ the kids?

"And there are BOYS who are constantly asking me out!! As if kicking them in the groin and telling them that I'm a guy isn't enough!!" He booted a broken pot, putting it in their piles. "I mean, they told everyone my _name_ during that first challenge!! What's their _deal_?!"

Roy Mustang, clad in dragon skin apron and gloves, moved the Bubotubers to a section where the table for the potted plants were already covered entirely with pus.

"So, Fullmetal, who's the lucky guy?" asked Mustang, smirking out of his will. He fortunately stopped when he found a sharp edge of an automail sword stopping him from leaning further to let the plants down. "… O-or girl?"

The sword drew back, allowing Mustang to put down the plant before the reeking pus dripped onto his shoes.

"I have no idea," said Edward. "Since the boys are asking me out constantly I don't have time to ask around girls, and even when I do the boys butt in and ruin everything!"

Edward clapped and put his hands onto the pile of broken pots, fixing them and putting them in a neat pile. Mustang, seeing the ruined gloves and apron, decided to use the over-dripping pus – he picked up a bottle.

"You should disguise as a woman and go with a boy, if it's so hard for a shrimp," said he, casually collecting the foul-smelling gel-like liquid into the bottle.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE CAN'T BE SEEN NEXT TO YOU BECAUSE HE'S SHORTER THAN ELYCIA AND THEREFORE CAN BE ANYTHING BUT A NORMAL DATE?!!!"

The man winced as the nearly-full bottle of pus fell down and crashed against the floor.

"Relax, Fullmetal, I'll gladly go out with you, if that's what you want so badly," scowled the now pus-covered assistant. He crouched down and started to pick up the broken pieces of glass.

"NO!!" yelled Edward, "I'm _not_ going!! I don't even have anything to wear for that kind of event!!"

"And that is the beauty of having a uniform, dear Fullmetal, because you have a suit right there and then! Too bad you don't, however, and you don't have a choice but to go, Champions and all that, remember?"

"Shut up!! I still have two weeks!!"

"And it takes approximately two weeks for you to get a suit in Amestris. And another five days are needed for transportation." Roy grinned and dumped the pieces of scrap glass into the bin. "You're doomed, Fullmetal. You should have accepted the uniform when you had the chance."

Edward, face red and about to explode, stomped around the big table at the middle of the greenhouse, trying to sweep/mop off the dirty pus. "Argh!!"

"Just transmute your usual black outfit so that it looks like a suit," said Roy, taking a seat on the table, crossing his leg, "it's not like you're going to stay after the dance."

"But it's _leather_!! How ridiculous do you think would it be to have a leather suit? Not to mention it doesn't have enough material!"

"Oh, so you actually _care_, for once, how the others see you?"

"Yes, especially when they see me for a chick!!"

Roy closed his eyes and held the bridge of his nose. "Ugh, you're giving me a migraine, as usual, with your complaints. I should just dress you up in a frilly pink Victorian dress and escort you myself, and get it over and done with," said he, ignoring the pale complexion Ed when he spoke. He suddenly frowned, opened his eyes, and checked out the little person in front of him trying to strangle the broom. "Though on second thought, you'd look much better in black and white – maybe a maid suit-"

"You wouldn't DARE!!" screamed Edward.

"Don't tempt me, Runt." Mustang snapped. "But seriously, if you're that worried, ask some magical friends of yours."

Edward snorted and continued sweeping.

They worked again in silence, getting to mopping the walls, when Edward spoke up again.

"You think that would work?"

Mustang looked back at the boy.

He had a nervous frown, a tentative tone, and a small blush tainting the well-tanned skin on his face.

Roy shrugged, dropped the mop into the bucket and reached in his pocket. "It's worth a try, isn't it?"

Edward visibly relaxed – maybe the boy _was_, for once, really 'worried' about something social. It wasn't everyday he'd get around so many peers, too.

Mustang pulled on his usual gloves, sat on the now clean middle table, and gave the boy a piece of his womanizing wisdom.

"And get rid of that bug on your hair before you talk to any girls."

_Snap_

"Damn, missed it," he muttered, looking at the blonde run around with fire on his braid. The beetle was gone.

"Missed it?!" Edward yelled, grabbing his braid to kill the fire. "_Missed it_?!"

Roy shrugged, and as Edward let go, his braid got loose and spread out as the burnt rubber dropped onto the floor.

"You fucking burned off my elastic band!!!"

Edward fussed around, almost literally flipping the whole head around to see if his hair got damaged. "You had better not singed my hair!!"

Roy rolled his eyes, got off the table and headed towards the door.

On his way, he stopped next to Edward, put one hand on the blonde's shoulder where Ed had ruffled his hair out fully, bent down, and whispered in his ear:

"Let down your hair, you look better that way."

Leaving the blonde gaping, Roy Mustang redressed and stepped out of the greenhouse, before turning back and adding one word.

"Rapunzel."

Roy ran like hell.

* * *

**... Run, Roy, Run!!! Before the Little Princess of the Fairy Land comes to kill you with her Little Pretty Sparkling Magic Flower Seed!!**

**Mrawgirl09**


	18. Chapter 18

****

Well, I think this chapter is shorter than most... but it still fits two page chapter. Heheheh - me and my rules.

**Oh yeah. WARNING!!!! ALERT TO YOU ALL!!!**

**OC ALERT!!! ORIGINAL CHARACTER!!! Well, it's only for two chapters, but still!! She doesn't have any huge roles!!! BUT STILL!!**

**Oh, and there will be lots and LOTS of scene dividers. It's supposed to be that way!!! D:**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**TSA - I'm glad. I will!! ... Try!**

**Sphia - Eheh, it was _still_ two pages! I swear!**

**Nrtlm2 - Lol. Seems everyone hates Rita.**

**Kame - You know, you're right. But students can't go to Hogsmeade without consent? Then he could get it from Mustang, duh! But then he needs to go when the students are allowed to, when the trips are scheduled? Uh, reminder, Ed's not from Beauxbatons. Therefore, Ed's an idiot. (Yeah I play with myself like this) I still feel you're reading my mind. ... about Lavender.**

**Hrhym - Yay! I hope this one's .... moderate... I don't think this is funny, really. aww. *sulk***

**TrstD - Lol, I fell for Roy Mustang when he was being useless in front of Scar. Or maybe later. It could be possible that I fell in love with the word 'Useless' and gloom on top of him.**

**LMstr - Oh you did, did you? *Evil Cackle* Expect an abrupt end of this story tomorrow, cause my specialty is gore and my favorite pastime is killing Ed. See Subject: Edward Elric if you want proof.**

**queenclara00 - Oh yes. Oh yes oh yes oh yes. lD**

**HstSl - Ed was just doing a house elf and banging his head into the nearest wall. To try? He gets away with it! ... well, mostly. He gets to live?**

* * *

**Enjoy!**

* * *

So Edward, after selling pieces of Mustang to a dark market (figuratively, of course-Ed didn't do anything except for a few bloody scenes), ran around asking people – mainly other champions – about borrowing dress robes. Or more preferably suits.

* * *

"A spare dress robe?" Cedric beamed apologetically.

He shrugged and showed his suit sprawled on his bed.

One.

"Sorry, I didn't really plan on things like these so I only brought one…"

* * *

"I don't have a spare robe," said Viktor, putting on a black turtleneck. "Vy don't you vear the same clothes as your broder?"

"He doesn't have one," smirked Alphonse from across the room, "said it was fugly. And useless. And-"

_Slam_

* * *

"Sorry," smiled Harry, scratching the back of his head. "I didn't know we needed a dress robe until I came here, so I only have one that someone else put in for me…"

* * *

Fleur, whom he had prayed to the Gate that she may not, had one to spare. Oh joy.

"I 'ave a robe for spare zat I chose to breeng wiz me, but I don't know if eet will feet you…"

"It's not a dress, is it?" asked Edward, already miserable. Perhaps a leather suit wouldn't be so bad-

"Ze girls are supposed to wear _dresses_." Deadpanned Fleur, picking out a … beautiful dark blue _dress_ that would have fit her form beautifully.

The waist was tightened with flowing blue silk, as was the rest of the dress, cascading like a waterfall onto the floor. The arms were cut to flow from the elbow, allowing it to show the forearm of the wearer. The front was cut low, as was the back, the blue material pinned in place with two tiny golden lily clasps.

Edward would have groaned if it wouldn't have gotten Fleur to take the dress back.

"Magnificent," growled Ed. Then came to him an idea. A… good, idea.

"… Would you mind if I changed the design a bit?" he asked tentatively, trying to look innocent.

Fleur's eyes narrowed. "Change … 'ow?"

No such luck.

* * *

Now all he had to do was find a partner.

Edward looked around, but all he could see were girls giggling amongst themselves that he didn't dare interrupt (either he'd be dragged off or they'd start squealing and fidgeting … again) and a group of boys looking at him in what he hoped were glares.

Right… later.

* * *

After two weeks, Ed found himself almost begging a girl that he barely knew by sharing same table once to be his dance partner for one dance.

"It's just for the first dance, and I'll leave you alone," Ed pleaded, his golden eyes, usually narrow in suspicion and disrespect, wide for maximum effect of pettiness. "Besides, you wanted to go to the ball, and all the other guys in Beauxbatons are taken, right?"

Anna Viceoi scowled at him. "You start to sound like you're doing _me_ a favor, Elric."

Ed flushed, embarrassed. "Sorry, geez, I can't say things like this-"

"It's just for one dance, and you'll disappear, and you will owe me," Viceoi turned away and walked towards the carriage to go back into her room where it would be quiet and warm. "See you outside the carriage at 8," she threw over her shoulder.

"Okay thanks-isn't it usually 7?"

Viceoi sighed. She looked over her shoulder at the gorgeous blonde teen standing nervously in front of the carriage. "Do you _want_ to spend one hour mingling with the people you barely know waiting for the dance to start?"

Ed blanched. "Never mind, 8 it is, thanks, Viceoi!"

Edward waved uncertainly, turned back and ran towards the castle, undoubtedly running to that brother of his to tell the news.

"That's Anna to you," she shouted to him, but Ed didn't make any indication that he'd heard.

Anna sighed.

"… and you don't know just how much you've made myself hated from all three schools."

She turned back towards the entrance of the carriage, and trudged through the halls towards her room.

The glares from her classmates were cold and jealous, the murmurs around her hurtful. She would have taken those spites gracefully, before, when Elric called her out. She'd have thought, out of all the beautiful girls, Ed had chosen her, a girl as normal as a book nerd like her could get … but right then, she wouldn't have been any more miserable than if she'd been outright refused.

**

* * *

**

Some angst, but it's not important. She's just an extra I decided to give a name. We don't need to consider an extra's feelings.

**-Viceoi glare-**

**Ignore her, she's an extra. (someone please here's an insensitive jerk)**

**Mrawgirl09**


	19. Chapter 19

**I am SERIOUSLY considering cutting these chapters up randomly. Like. . . some having like half a page, while some, like this one used to be, be like four, and the just chuck everything else into one 20 page of non stop words.**

**No but seriously. I thought about just leaving this chapter up as a three page. . . thing. I was __ this close to updating like that. And then I just hastily made up a breaking point somewhere in the middle. Ugh. My hands are itching to move this along - I'm uptil ... well, Almost, Valentines ... I think, yeah. Now, waiting a whole day for update is WAY too long for me. Hopefully betaing Nrtlm2's new fic's going to be helping somewhat.**

**But anyways.**

**I've been getting many people fangirl-firing Viceoi. Hahahah. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.**

***Watches Viceoi being chased by fangirls***

**Fun times.**

**

* * *

**

**Sphia - Ahahah, I think your review got cut in the middle somewhere. XD Anna doesn't have an accent - Maxime and Fleur has one cause they're native French. Just imagine Anna's not. *shrugs* All... almost all the girl OC Extras will look after me, V shape face, black shoulder-length black hair. Short.... Maybe, cause I'm the shortest out of all my friends. Wears glasses... I guess that's it.**

**Kame - You changed your name! XD Wow. I made you laugh with one word. XD I guess you're welcome to join in, if you got a dress? XD**

**hollyivy7 - ... ... SEXYHEAD!! XD**

**RlCbn - Aheheh... your name doesn't look like your name anymore... I'm trying to limit to five letters;;; At least someone likes Viceoi. Cause I don't... much. Though, I like to think she's pretty, since she is based off of me.**

**LMstr - Five letters. lol. Exactly my point. I would feel bad to put her on fire, but I don't like her either. So let's ignore her.**

**HrHym - Hahah, Ed's going to _transmute_ the dress.... though, I must say, it won't do much difference. lol**

**HstSl - XD Now wouldn't THAT be wonderful? I mean, Roy _did_ consider it.**

**

* * *

**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The Great Hall, where it was cleared enough to become the Yule Ballroom, was filled with beautifully dressed girls and quite handsome but awkward boys.

Roy Mustang declined a dance suggested by a 7th year Beauxbatons student, and walked leisurely around the middle of the crowd, enjoying the stares.

He saw a familiar blonde, and walked to them. The girl … Viceoi, was… what Ed had told him, was wearing a white knee-length dress, her black hair cascading down her back as she chatted morosely with the others. Why so gloomy at a dance with a partner whom people of the three schools had wanted to go with?

Edward was brooding at a corner, leaning back on the wall as he glared darkly at anyone walking by.

He was the reason, Roy assumed correctly.

Edward wore a blue silk suit; his vest professionally covering what he imagined was a plain white t-shirt, where the long blue sleeves flowed down to the floor, only allowing the pristine white gloves to peek out. The vest had two buttons – silver lilies – holding the material tightly around a slim torso, accentuating Ed's body.

He had a skirt – no, a butt-skirt, like the uniform in the military, that he had wrapped the excess material around his waist several times that people would not have noticed the difference if they didn't look closely. The side of the skirt was opened up by yet another pin, which Mustang supposed Edward have put on himself, onto the leg of the blue silk pants he wore, tight enough to make him look taller, but loose enough to be comfortable. His black boots seemed to shine in the cold blue lights, the metal clasps and rings glistening silver. A long blue silk coat hung around his shoulders, which Roy assumed it was the left-over material from a dress he'd borrowed and then transmuted.

If Ed _did_ let down his hair, Viceoi would have been accused of coming to the ball with another girl.

As Mustang neared the two, however, he could see that Viceoi didn't look embarrassed or jealous, but all out miserable. Now what had made her so sad?

"Well, Edward, I see you've brought someone after all," he said, flashing a charming smile to a lady next to Ed, "though, I must say, if you were going to wear that, you might have as well gotten your school's girls' uniform."

Edward bristled, but remained quiet.

"Honestly, though, Edward. You look so much a girl than you did in your uniform," Mustang smirked, and picked up a flute of what he thought was champagne from a floating plate. Taking a sip and realizing it wasn't, Roy put it back on another floating plate passing by.

"Shut _up_, Mustang, before I pound your face down to your ass," growled Ed, flipping the coat out of his arm's way, "it was about all Fleur would let me change from her dress. And you _know_ we can't wear our uniform."

At that moment Viceoi came over from her pervious conversation with her 'friends'.

"Well, since our dance is over, I hope you don't mind if I make my own escape," she said, nodded at Mustang, who frowned, and disappeared into the crowd.

"Yeah, sure, thanks!" Ed shouted into the mass of people. Viceoi, from what Mustang could see, did not look back.

"You did not … you did not ask her out saying that you are only going to do the first dance, did you?"

Edward shrugged.

Roy groaned.

"What's the big deal? It's just a stupid dance," said Ed, crossing his arms.

Mustang held the bridge of his nose. "Oh dear …"

"I'm just going to go find Al and get out of here before-" Ed stopped and growled at Mustang, who held his arm. Was that a beetle on his shoulder? "What?!"

"You can't do that, Edward-"

"Bite me, Mustang! I don't need to be here anymore!"

"_Edward_, _listen_ to me!" Mustang shouted, earning more than one person staring at the man. He smiled apologetically at the people, who looked away with a queer expression, and turned to Ed, whispering madly and holding the boy's face just so he wouldn't escape. He pointedly ignored the sensation of a bug, probably a beetle, settling down on his hair.

"I'm not just saying it as what a gentleman is supposed to do," he hissed, "leaving a date halfway through is fine, hell, dumping her right off after the first dance is … well, it's cruel, but it's at least better than shattering the hope of an innocent maiden _before_ they even go-"

Edward pushed him away, wrenching the hands holding him off. There were several sighs and snorts around them, but neither male seemed to notice.

"Is this going to be more than an hour?" Ed asked, glaring at Mustang, who was cradling his automail-handled left hand, "cause I _really_ need to go get Al."

Roy sighed, annoyed.

Why, by the fucking Equivalent Exchange, _why_ couldn't Edward have some kind of common sense?

Oh right.

Because he's _Ed_.

**

* * *

**

**VERY not happy with this chapter.**

**I can't wait to get to the next Secret chapter.**

**Mrawigirl09**


	20. Chapter 20

**I noticed that I didn't do the disclaimers last time I updated. And spelt my name wrong. I blame hyperness. **

**Lots of Clueless Ed scolding here, not to mention some disturbing phrases (at least for Ed) I hope you don't get too offended, cause a LOT more offensive(yet funny, in my opinion) is on ... the way.... far away...**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

**Sphia - I know ;A; ... I typo'ed.**

**Nlm2 - :D He doesn't use it cause he doesn't need it.**

**HlyIV - Ooh, another RoyEd - er! XD Nice to meet you! Don't worry, there will be _lots_ of scenes with Roy. Later.**

**Kame - I guess... that would be ... kinda hard to fit in a ballroom.... unless it becomes a costume party. Oooh... I'd love to write that, but I'd like to write with actual quotes from the book... care to help me? I also need to find where in the story it exists... AND I need to work out a possible solution to make Ed win ... And you know, what you said in the last sentence made me double check to make sure that every chapter I make would be at least fit in two page limits - I mean like 1.5 ~ 2. ... Wait... NO WONDER THEY WERE SHORT!!! D8 ... I'm still not changing tho.**

**Oshima zakura - ROFL yes. XD It _is_ kinda weird to imagine Ed as a student from _outside_ Hogwarts, huh? lol.**

**HrHym - ... Now that you mention it, it _was_ a possibility... I wonder why I didn't think of it ... I have no excuse................ *sulk***

**LMstr - Nooooo!!! *saves beetle* I need her for my last chapter to work!! D8**

**QnClr - Then you will have to wait a loooooooooooooooooooong time...**

**natcat5 - I guess it's supposed to be five line joke, but I guess that fits. lol. I love it that you laugh from my fic. :) Kkk, You're the second person to tolerate Viceoi ... somewhat to a likable way. WOOT! XD RonEd request!! XD Ooooooooooooohh~~~**

**TrDct - This is going to be hard differenciating you and Trista Din... I should hope so, cause if I can't make laughter out of content, then I must at least out of its frame!**

**

* * *

**

**So many reviewers... I must be in heaven. Enjoy, please!!**

* * *

Roy sighed, annoyed.

"Alright, but hear this," Mustang leant in. "Miss Viceoi likes you."

Ed reddened, and Mustang had to close the mouth with one hand before his outburst alerted everyone in the hall.

"What?!"

"Miss Viceoi likes you, and you dumped her before she even had the chance to ask you out."

Ed started to stutter. "But-but I-"

"Just _think_, Edward! And look around, for that matter!" hiss-shouted Roy. Glaring at the obviously freaked teenager in front of him, Mustang redressed, cleared his voice, and started again in a more calm voice.

"Almost _all_ of the girls, and a good portion of the boys, are almost in_ love_ with you," Roy continued, his eyes unwavering as he saw Ed's face pale, redden, and then pale again. "I bet you didn't notice the girls swarming around you for the past two weeks, just waiting for you to ask them out, did you?"

"Wha- but- they could've just asked-"

"And then you just up and asked one girl, and crushed her happiness of being chosen the moment you asked her to be a one-time dance partner."

"But-"

Mustang sighed. Edward was obviously _not_ very used to _any_ kind of social 'steps'.

"These are _school_ children, Edward," he explained, trying to keep it simple and stereotypical for Ed to understand easily. "They romanticize _everything_. From the blank stare you have just _happening_ to be on 'her', to a dropped handkerchief that _happened _to be in front of 'him', to a random gesture you do, like giving someone a piece of garbage, which then they will think of it as a treasure or something."

Silence fell between them.

"… That's … a little _too_ creepy," said Ed, leaning back.

"I agree," said Mustang, feeling awkward. "Forget that one."

Edward scratched the back of his head, and shrugged. "Anyways, I get it, I'll go find her and apologize."

"Too late, Fullmetal," said Mustang, looking over the sea of people as a piece of white material disappeared between the two big doors in the back of the Great Hall. "She left already. Better luck next time?"

"Feh, there _is_ no next time," muttered Edward.

Before Mustang could say his goodbyes – and warnings – Edward stepped away from the man and into the mass of people in the room, in search for his brother.

Mustang, sighing, watched on as Edward threw himself as bait into the sea of 'overly-romantic' (as he'd just named) people.

* * *

"Hey, I just saw Anna leave you, would you like to have the next dance with me?" asked one girl, probably a Beauxbatons, wearing a cute plump pick dress.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help but see you were alone in this room, would you mind for a punch?" asked another, a Hogwarts, maybe?

"Hello, would you like to dance?"

Mustang had to bite his tongue.

Edward looked like he'd just been shelled, before waking up and began replying. "Uh-no, sorry no, and fuck off, I'm a guy."

"I know," said the other boy, nodding and grinning idiotically.

Mustang couldn't help but smirk. Maybe chuckle.

The girls frowned at the boy, who didn't seem to notice them, and Edward started edging away from him. McLaggen, was it? A Gryffindor jock without a brain for either courtesy or knowledge.

"… Okay. You know what, I'm just gonna walk away very slowly…"

The boy looked on, confused, as Ed almost literally ran away from the now staring group of people.

"What did I say?"

* * *

Edward ran around the huge mass of people, declining politely when girls talked to him, and flipping the finger at any male student that even remotely looked at him.

His nerves were getting tenser by the minute.

When Ed found the familiar blond hair at a punch corner, the strict dark-blue uniform highlighting the occasional silver, he ran through several people to get to Alphonse, just to get away from the party as soon as possible.

When he got to the other boy, Ed grabbed Al's uniformed wrist, and pulled him away from the people he were talking with, and started towards the exit.

"Okay, Alphonse, this is getting really freaky, let's blow this joint-Uwah!"

Ed was suddenly pulled back, his left arm painfully twisted in a … girl's hand?

"Ah-uh-uh! He's my date you- oh, you're his sister-" it was a girl, blonde hair, pretty face, simple yet elegant … _vibrant_ pink dress, and glaring at him.

"_Brother_," Ed corrected, peeved. He did not want to have to wait for the girl to get on with letting them go. "_Al-_"

"Whatever, he's occupied, if you hadn't noticed yet," snapped the girl, turning her body so that she was looking sideways at Ed but facing a pleading Alphonse with the rest of her body. "I'll be sure to return him to Slytherin dorms by midnight," with that, she turned her head, to lean in and ki-

"Well, by the looks of him," said Ed, pulling Alphonse out of the witch's kiss, "he doesn't want to be here any more than I do, and you definitely need something more of a jewelry than a live beetle, which definitely does _not_ go with pink."

Then the brothers ran away from the screeching girl as she fussed over killing the 'beast' by destroying the punch container and ice sculpture.

"Thanks, bro," said Alphonse, as he ran towards the double door with Ed. He looked back in mild curiosity, and chuckled as Lavender Brown accidentally bumped into Cormac McLaggen, whom everyone was shuffling away from. "But since when did you match colors?"

"She's wearing _pink_, pink itself is hideous."

* * *

**I swear to god I have nothing against pink.**

**Mrawgirl09, not Mrawigirl09**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry for being kinda late. I was ... away. **

**Hermione vs Ed Prt 2!! Suggested by Kame-tan! Enjoy!**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. _Humor_. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Sphia - Okay... pink cat spit. Ew... I would have thought so too, but then Roy's a teacher; they'd probably go for the person more... near their age.**

**Msttl - :D**

**Nrtlm - Yet another one against pink! I guess it _wasn't_ just me. :D**

**Ellia-chan - Ooooh... another one that seems to read my mind...**

**HrHym - none that I know of. I dislike making up OCs, mainly cause they're not from Arakawa sensei. lol.**

**LMstr - Lol, Cormac doesn't have a brain, that's prolly why he said 'I kno'. No, but it consists of what the beetle wrote about, writes about, and will write about.**

**Kame - Lol. Yeah, prolly. Especially since Ed ... well, he's got admirers from both sexes... :D Lol. I got something that you can't read my mind!! XD YAYZ!! but I'm going to lose my best reviewer!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!**

**HstSl - Lol, Roy _will_ do _something_. Later. Much later. kkk, I leave whatever to your imagination.**

* * *

As Ed and Al passed the Gryffindor dorms, they could hear voices arguing over the thick stone walls. Being the ever-so-curious brothers, they transmuted a hole to enter it.

"Next time there is a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!!" Shouted Hermione.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here?" asked Ed, noting Harry's irritated expression.

Ron turned to Ed, while Hermione ran up to Al. "It's Hermione, Ed-"

"Me?! Alphonse, listen-"

"She's been fraternisizing with the enemy-!!"

"You mean fraternizing," corrected Ed blandly.

"He and Harry just _ignored_ me for _weeks_ on end, and just before the ball, he asked me out, saying 'Hey, you're a girl, right? You can go with us!'"

"Hermione-"

"I don't even understand what the big deal about all this is," interrupted Edward, putting up his hands, "it's _just_ a dance."

"You're the one to speak, _Ed_," growled Hermione, sending a glare at the shorter blonde.

"What me?!"

"You asked Viceoi out, and then you just dumped her!!"

"I didn't!! It was a deal-"

Al gasped. "Brother!! You didn't-!"

"_What did I-_?"

"What's the big deal, so did we," Shrugged Ron, "well, it's more like the girls ditched us, but-"

"You don't count, Casanova," snapped Edward,

"Don't call Ron a Casanova you flirt!!" Shouted Hermione.

Alphonse was shocked. The Hermione he knew would never insult his brother … well, not in front of him anyways. "Hermione!"

"I was being sarcastic-What did you just call me?!"

"It's right, isn't it?! First Ron, then Zambini, then Lee, Cedric, Corner, Corey and even _Neville!!_"

"Goyle, too," added Ron unnecessarily.

"_Goyle_?!" shrieked Alphonse.

Edward frowned and shrugged. "Who's that?"

"The guy that looks like a gorilla," supplied Ron.

"Which one?"

"The bigger one."

"Anyways! It just proves my point," said Hermione.

"Uh, no it doesn't!" scoffed Ed, "_I_ never asked _them_ out! I _refused_ them, accordingly!! You're the one messing with people's hearts!!"

"_Me_?!"

"Yes! You and Viktor!!"

"Exactly my point!" exclaimed Ron, and seeing as their arguments were about to restart, Harry silently snuck up the stairs to the rooms.

"And my Brother!!" shouted Ed.

Al snapped his head to Ed. "What?!"

Ron's eyes bugged out. "WHAT?!"

"Viktor obviously likes you, and you _know_ it, but you don't do anything about him and yet you follow Alphonse around!!!"

"I do _not_!!"

"Brother!! What are you talking about!!"

"I'm talking about _her_ trying to make you like _her_ while she _still_ has your _friend_ liking her!!"

Hermione blushed, and shook her head furiously. "I don't!! I only like Alphonse and Viktor as my friend-!!"

"Viktor asked you out for the ball and you ditched him!!"

"I did not ditch him!!"

"You were looking for Al, weren't you?"

Hermione blushed again, and crossed her arms in defiance. "What makes you say that?"

"You were there, almost everywhere I went, you were there, looking around for someone."

"I was looking for Viktor!"

"_Twice_ I saw you had him right next to you!!" yelled Edward.

Hermione was red, her mouth opening and closing in futile attempt as to talk. Finally, she crossed her arms again and turned around. "_God_, you sound like Rita Skeeter!"

"Don't change the subject!!"

"Brother!! Will you just stop?!" Shouted Alphonse, getting between Hermione and Edward. "We're just friends, nothing more, nothing less!" He was glaring at Ed, and thus he didn't notice Hermione's face pale and her eyes water when he said it.

"Y-Yes! Friends!" she shouted from behind Ed.

Ed's expression changed from anger to _cold_ anger. "… Alright, fine." Ed crossed his arms, glaring at Al. "I'll let you amaze me. Show me the limit between 'friends' and '_friends'_, since I'm so incapable, because I _know_, even without Mustang's advice, that being just 'friends' can't be applied to a couple with either one having feelings for another."

"Brother-"

"_And_," Ed interrupted, "if it _is _going to be a '_friends_' relationship, I don't want _her_ incapability of seeing other guys liking her destroy your friendship with Viktor."

Hermione almost sobbed. "But we're-"

"-just friends, to you." Ed's voice was cold. "But to Viktor it's not."

"Let's go, Al. We've wasted enough time here." With that, Ed transmuted another hole in the wall, stepping out into the hallway.

Alphonse, looking back and forth from the hole and a depressed Hermione, hugged her once more, whispered an apology and whisked out into the hallway, transmuting the hole back into a wall as he left.

* * *

"You know, brother," said Al coldly as he caught up to Edward, "you have no right to call Hermione incapable."

"What?"

"You didn't see the expressions on Ron's face change while you were there," said Al, his eyes staring off determinedly at the front, "you were right next to him, he was staring at you, he fidgets around you, he blushes around you – damn it he's an open book and you didn't even look at him. You don't have the right to say all that to Hermione."

Edward had stopped, staring at Al as his brother only picked up speed, stomping away.

"Wait! Al!!" shouted Ed as he ran up to Al. "Hey… I'm sorry. I… went a bit overboard with it." Ed didn't believe what he'd said, but he had to do something to appease his brother.

Alphonse didn't look at him. "You did."

"I'm sorry."

Al stopped.

Ed stopped.

"Just… _try_ to be civil with her?" asked Alphonse, sending a withering look at his brother.

Ed nodded, but then added, "Just don't expect much."

Al smiled tiredly. "That's all I ask."

* * *

**I really need to go to the toilet... tata!**

**Mrawgirl09**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello.... I just did something stupid- I just got rid of all of the other chapters I uploaded... from the Document manager... ... and I don't remember the disclaimers and warnings.... so I'll just skip them for today (the internet is trying to kill me by frustration)**

**But!! I still don't own. HP _or_ FMA.**

**Uhh... ... so.**

**

* * *

**

**HrHym - D8 Seriously?! Are you separated?! Like, Quarantined?!**

**Kame - I'm glad you liked it; I spent a frantic hour or so making it up right before updating. As for RoyEd or RonEd, I have no idea, except right now people keep suggesting me RoyEd or RonEd............. I think after the next chapter DracoEd as well. LOL. You know what, I should seriously do a chapter on RonEd, cause I have Roy and Draco done. lol.**

**KuroiWing - Really? It was just as an afterthought, cause I thought Ed wouldn't have known the password, even if he _is_ friends with Harry.**

**OshZk - I seriously have no idea if you've reviewed before, cause I have no way to find out right now. As for Ron's straightness.... you've just compared him with a rainbow........ was it sarcasm? If it is, I just need clearing up cause I can _not_ tell the difference when it's... subtle...**

**MnSpt - n-gon? What is that? lol, just .... wait.... uhh... wait, uhm... How about .... uhm. nevermind, I can't count the sides as well.**

**Sphia - Ahahah! XD I don't either. I'm not gonna name the chapters cause I don't know what to name them as. Not to mention I'm too lazy for it.**

**TrstD - I agree. I swear Al should have been born first. But then again then we wouldn't have our Elric brothers now. Ooh, I just ignore the whole school. And right now it's crushing me with my own procrastination!! Heeelp!!**

**LMstr - Sorry about that, lol. As for RonEd.... I don't know, but I'm putting in as a STRONG possibility cause surprisingly people actually are suggesting me about it. There might be a scene of it too.... If I get around it. . . maybe. . . . . . . maybe.**

**HstSl - Kkkk, I agree. What Roy would do....... I am _so_ going to love your reaction when I post _that_ chapter. fufufufufu... you're welcome!! XD I actually feel great having such influence on people to have an incentive on writing their own stories! :D Now if only the authors that I'm waiting for take that kinda incentive as well...... :I**

* * *

"Well, young Elric, do you mind if I steal your sister for the night?"

Edward froze.

Alphonse froze.

The whole dark corridor of Hogwarts froze over from one end to the other.

Ed turned around, and Alphonse immediately locked Ed's arms back so he wouldn't attack. "For the last _fucking _time, I'm not his-" Ed stopped when he saw Mustang's smirk.

"You _Bastard!!_"

Roy Mustang easily evaded the punch, leaning minutely back.

"Just joking, little lady," Roy's smirk didn't go away.

"I am not, _not,_ NOT SO SMALL TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A TINY GIRL WHO'S BARELY ENOUGH TO COUNT AS A CHILD!!"

"Hey, hey, chill," Roy put up his hands in mock defeat, "'s not my fault people think you look like a girl, though I have no idea where those boys get the idea from."

He suddenly reached for Alphonse with a slight frown, grabbing a small black beetle and throwing it away through a window.

There were seriously _too many_ beetles in this castle.

Holding a bristling Edward back, Alphonse inquired of their sudden meeting.

"I just hoped we could talk more about the mission so far – have you gathered anything at all about Bertha Jorkins?" asked Mustang.

"Nothing, except that she's from here, and she knew about this contest," said Edward,

"-which means that the murderer would have known that it was happening here, at this time, with these people around," finished Alphonse.

"They must not have known which contestants there will be, because it's random, according to the Goblet," Roy mused, thinking back to their first encounter. It was… amusing, to say the least.

A bit tense at most.

He was not going to talk about how he almost made another office fire, because it was _not_ destructive and _not_ a very big deal.

Besides, it wasn't the point at hand.

"So it's more towards the people who supervise the whole thing that's going to be suspicious." Ed started to count off the staff members. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Pomfrey, Sprout, Flitwick, Moody, Snape, Karkaroff, Maxime, Hagrid-

"According to Alastor Moody, a professor at Hogwarts, the Goblet of Fire, or whatever it's called, spat out Harry Potter's name just before they were about to turn in the champions," Roy cut in Ed's train of thought, "and that gives us the focus on Harry Potter and the people who are interested, concerned, or in any way involved with him."

Alphonse frowned. That was too obvious. "Not deeply, or too obviously - that would be too dangerous for the murderer."

They remained silent for a few minutes, each thinking about what the two others had said, trying to find out a logical explanation … to deduce a logical explanation as to whom and why she was reduced to half a corpse.

"Who is he?" asked Alphonse suddenly.

Mustang was snapped out of his thoughts. "Who's who?"

"Alastor Moody."

"He's an auror-"

"Wait- what's an auror?" Ed interrupted.

"An auror's like a magical police," scowled Mustang, unsurprisingly peeved about being cut in the middle of his explanation, "not the ones with magic batons flying off and hitting on criminals – they cast magic and stop Deatheaters-"

"What's a Deatheater?" asked Alphonse.

"They're a group of people who follow He-who-must-not-be-named-"

"Who's that?"

"I don't know!!" Snapped Mustang.

"Sorry," chorused the brothers, though on Ed's part it was more insincere than a 'fuck you'.

"It's alright," Mustang sighed, "Moody's a well known auror who's captured many dangerous Deatheaters in the past. He's retired now."

"So there's nothing special about him," frowned Alphonse.

Edward scratched his head. "I don't know… he keeps drinking from his own bottle… like he doesn't trust anyone other than himself…"

"That's just bad habit, he told me," said Mustang, "said there were too many people who might spike his drink with something or another."

"That counts for himself, as well."

"He told me that, too."

Ed scowled. There was something with that man. Not just because of the appearance, there _was_ something.

"He's hiding something."

Mustang lifted one eyebrow. "Why would you say that?"

"He walks, looking everywhere, even when a cat runs around. He drinks from his own bottle – which, from what I've seen, we don't know what it contains. He also drinks it in one hour interval."

Mustang and Alphonse couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the level of privacy of the information given.

"Did you stalk him?" asked Alphonse.

"Yes, now keep quiet." Edward closed his eyes, trying to remember the things he'd seen Moody do and say during that past few months. "I saw him poke Hagrid about the Dragons … though I don't really know if that's just me being paranoid. I mean, I didn't even think about it before now. He also has this limp…"

"Moody has a fake wooden leg as well, It must just be falling off from old age," interrupted Mustang.

"No, I _know_ the sound of a prosthetic that fits or not," scowled Edward in frustration, "and that was one of the not's."

Al's mouth was agape. Did Winry finally rub off on Ed? "Since when did you study automail?"

Ed shook his head. "Not automail," he shrugged, "when I go get upgrades, I have to keep on a fake plastic leg – when I get the size wrong, it makes that noise."

The two other males pondered on about this. "Carry on," said Mustang finally.

"And I don't know about you guys, but I've been doing some reading-" Ed ignored Mustang muttering something like 'not all … bookworms' "-and it's just… people can _transform_."

Roy scoffed, as expected. "So can we, with a little make up and-"

"No, I mean like… lose a limb, grow a limb, get the same birth defect," Ed paused, thinking of whatever other things he could remember reading, "_whatever_."

"That's …"

"It should be impossible, but it isn't. And it's not limited to one method, either," Ed shook his head, "you can ingest a potion, get another person to cast a spell on you, learn a branch of magic that specifically deals with that… it's just crazy."

Alphonse bit his lip. The whole thing just got even more complicated than it already was. "… So … Moody's using those … things?"

Roy Mustang frowned, but other than that, he didn't seem the least bit fazed. "It's too early in this situation to think about accusing someone of something. Find out more about the people around Harry Potter. Edward, you carry on with Moody. Alphonse, specifically get to know Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley."

"Return to position," said Mustang, and the three Amestrians' meeting ended.

* * *

**"Oh, and Alphonse?" "Please excort the lady safely to her carriage."**

**... was the original last sentence. I just felt too guilty to put it in.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	23. Chapter 23

**YAYS THE INTERNET LIVES AGAIN!!!!**

**This is another secret chapter. Ready yourselves for the greatest LOL Ever. Inspired by Taranova - I thank thee for giving me such an awesome omake. Not to mention it's 4 pages long.**

**Also, I'm looking for these fics, a series, of HPFMA, which I have read, I'm sure, in the FFnet. In the first it has Ed Elric as a teacher, who works in potions to make a poison with which he kills Fuhrer King Bradley.... and then there's the Tringham brothers, and Roy and Hawkeye and Winry and Alphonse in the lot, they get thrown in Azkaban etc,etc... I don't remember much... then all except Ed gets released, and then Ed escapes thanks to Black, and Alphonse is reduced to a pendant around Draco's neck, and with that Draco now lives with the homunculi, and King Bradley isn't really dead but working with Voldemort, and Harry notices Ed Elric now disguised as Something Riddle...................... and Roy and Hughes and Russell and Roy's crew and people start something back in Amestris......... I honestly don't remember much, but the two fics are really really really really really important to me. I LOVE them is an understatement. I think one of them were called Round Robin, probably the second one, and I don't really remember who wrote it, but I can't seem to find it anymore. PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE If someone knows about it, PLEASE tell me. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO IT?!!?!?!**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**KrWng - Aaaah, tis the magic of Alchemy!! ... Al just transmuted it back as he went out. **

**Ntcat - Your ID reminds me of my idol. And yes, that he is.**

**Ellia - Yes it is. I bet it's more fun for a Harry Potter fan to see Hermione beat the 'so-called' 'genius' when they see from a Harry Potter fandom side. lol.**

**Yfwlf - Your name got distorted. Wow. Thanks, and I got the next .... or the next next chapter with Roy tormenting Ed even MORE.**

**LMstr - Thanks for the restraint, lol. I meant like one-sided, I mean, every pairing in here is one sided. ... if I decide to put it in. ALLLLLL one sided, not from Ed's.**

**OshZk - I don't remember anymore. I'm just going to put everyone as five letters now. Ahahahah unfortunately Moody's not one of them... not that he'd notice it.**

**Sphia - Lol, really? I just thought it was like .... the stalkee kinda just finds out... usually by accident. But oh well. As for Rita's POV... I don't even want to try to know what that woman thinks about.**

**Kame - Teehee, I _had_ to put that in....... cause all the other reasons were stupid and not really convincing.**

**TrstD - This is going to be DIFFICULT. You and Trust Deceit have similar lettering..... and you both reviewed this time... Uhhh... are the useless plot points about this fic? Which part of them are useless.....? I could cross them out? Dumbledore would have wanted Harry to kill Voldy? From a kid of 14? .... well, I guess. hhh. I did. I felt too guilty and mean to Ed that I left it out. . . Though, I got even eviler and now I'm thinking of making a biography for Ed in a semi-AU, in which Ed's life always goes downhill. As for the advice.... aheheheheh.... I just can't move my fingers for that.... like right now, when it's already after dinner and I still have four homework to do and I'm uploading fanfic... shameful.**

**HstSl - Kkkk just for the night. *eyebrow wiggle* a very _hot_ night... *slap***

**WPNyx - I seriously have some problems with your name. I hope you don't mind it like this. Kkkkk I don't think your definition of 'tortured' match with mine....... (I would think of something more... life-threatening) Thanks for the compliment, and no need to feel bad; she's just a nobody-extra. I think she melded right back into the background. lol. I will! I will!! I would stop when I'd run out of ideas, and I don't think that's anywhere in the near future!!**

**TrsDc - Right. YOU are Trust Deceit, and TrstD is Trista Din. Okay... uhh... I would........ but I spent too much time thinking of the titles, I dun wanna think about the content... will you be satisfied enough with just title..s? **

* * *

**Woop!! XD 14 Reviews!!! I wonder if I'll get all 14 ... and perhaps more, in this chapter!! XD Enjoy!!!!!**

* * *

**Side Chapter 3, cause the one with Hermione vs Ed counts as one as well..... cause it doesn't have much to do with the main story.**

The halls were quiet. It was well past midnight, and the ball was still half- full, the teachers finally having some time to themselves while most students had left for their dorms and carriages to bed.

"You know, it'd make more sense for me to take you to the carriage then for you to take me to the dorms," said Alphonse, fidgeting as they got to the portrait for the Slytherin dorms, "physically speaking, I mean…"

Alphonse barely had time to cover his ears half-decently when Edward burst out. "I am NOT SO SHORT THAT EVERYBODY MISTAKES HIM FOR A LITTLE HELPLESS GIRL AND THUS WILL RAPE HIM!!"

Alphonse gaped, his face pale.

Then he turned red. Uh oh.

Then he turned a deeper shade of red. _Uh oh_.

"… Brother!!" Ed actually winced – he'd never seen Alphonse so mad. Perhaps he went a bit too far with his little rant.

"Someone tried to RAPE you?!"

He should have known to watch his mouth in front of his innocent, little-what?

"Who is that bastard?!!" Alphonse was shaking with anger, his face crimson red and Edward could almost see flints flying from Al's teeth grinding.

"Uhh… no, Al…" Edward was actually, for once, scared shitless of his little brother. What the hell happened to the sweet young boy that he knew for years?

"I'll _kill _him!!" Al exploded, transmuting a spear from the wall, not unsilimar to the one Ed would have transmuted. At least now he knew he wasn't an oddball from the family.

"Who was it, Ed?! That Redhead at the ice swan?!"

"That … was Ron… and no…"

"Harry, then?! What about that other guy at the-" Al's eyes widened, and then turned murderous. "It was Mustang, wasn't it?! I heard he was cornering you back there!! That Womanizing PERVERTED BASTARD!!"

He didn't wait for Edward's answer, turning back and running away from his brother and towards where they had just had their meeting.

Edward, left behind in front of a sniggering portrait, was gaping, dumbfounded.

"That's my line!!" He shouted, but then, helplessly confused about the situation, added, "I mean… err… Go get 'im?"

The hallways were silent.

* * *

Edward had lounged around for several minutes waiting for his livid brother to come back (he was even very slightly worried about Mustang's well-being … well, more like Mustang's life). He was also seriously considering transmuting a chair out of the floor for the rest of the time, when a voice rang out from behind him.

Ed turned around and saw a black-haired girl, wearing a silk green dress, preening like a peacock and sneering like a dog.

"Well hello there," said she, "who are you and what are you doing in front of the Slytherin Dorms? You're not allowed _anywhere _near here, unless you're a pureblood, you mud-!!"

"Pansy, stop it."

Ed turned around again, and saw a shoulder.

Ed looked up, to a patch of platinum blonde head, a side profile of sleek sharp features.

"But Drakey-" the girl whined, and reddened when she saw Draco Malfoy reach and rest his hand on Ed's shoulder.

Draco seemed so cold and emotionless. Ed, on the other hand… he was counting to three hundred from down in random decimals to stop himself from punching the grease bag next to him. Mustang had reprimanded him for not being able to reign over his temper, and he wasn't going to give the bastard another thing to smirk about.

"She's with me, so drop it and leave," said Malfoy, narrowing his eyes in warning, "if you please."

The girl burst into tears, but tried (and failed) to not to show it. "Hmph!"

With that, she shouted angrily the password at the portrait ("Elixir of Death!!" "The password changed from-" "Just _open it_, damn it!!") and disappeared through the hole with a sob.

They stayed a moment in the same position, Edward momentarily forgetting the situation (and that Draco just called him a girl) from the shock of seeing a girl cry and the guy responsible be so calm about it.

Ed was then released, surprisingly, and Draco stepped back a few steps.

"Uhh… thanks," said Edward, unsure about the situation. It was a guy – he was a threat to his masculinity – that guy just helped him – what was he supposed to do?

"My pleasure." The Malfoy heir smiled, surprisingly serene. It reminded Ed of Al… or what Al used to be, his mind sulked. "I assume you're the sibling Alphonse talks about often?"

"Ahh-yea-yes." Ed shifted his feet. The whole ordeal was uncomfortable. "You must be Draco Malfoy."

They stayed silent for a minute or so, then Draco suddenly spoke up. "I hope it's safe to assume you are not … with your brother, like the rumors?"

Edward felt relieved for the change. The silence was stifling.

"Huh? Oh, no, he just left a minute-" Ed stopped when he saw the amused look. _Then_ he understood what the other had meant. "What-No!! No, no, no, no – NO."

"That's good to hear." Laughed Draco. "I hate incest. I dislike Pansy for that as well."

"She's-?"

"My cousin," said he, smiling sadly, "she is a very distant one, but a cousin nonetheless. It's hard for us to maintain 'pureblood' stature otherwise. I hate it, though. It feels like I have to marry my sister."

They fell into silence again.

Edward continued to glance at the dark hallway where Al's run off, getting way too uncomfortable as he felt the stare at his side.

"… take a picture, it'll last longer." Edward felt stupid after he'd said it. Of course he wouldn't- wait, he might-

Malfoy laughed. "Well, if you give me the permission I might as well," he said, to Ed's horror, and approached the smaller blond, taking his hand, "but unfortunately, I don't have a camera with me."

Edward shuffled back. This was getting weird. "Yeah well… stop staring," he muttered. "And let my hand go."

Draco laughed, and started leaning in, making Ed lean and shuffle back further.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help but notice how magnificent the color of your eyes are-" he stopped, and asked curiously, "you aren't a werewolf, are you?"

"What? No!" What absurd kind of people believed in _werewolves_?

"Oh good," Draco started to lean in again, and Ed panicked as he felt his back touch the stone wall behind him. "It would have been a big disappointment if you were one of those creatures, being so-"

"Wait, waitwaitwaitwait," interrupted Ed. He just felt Draco's other hand move. He had to get away. This was getting way too- _something_. Buy time, his mind whispered.

"You-you mean you can tell if someone's a werewolf by looking at their eye color?"

Oh, _nice_. _Such_ open-ended question. Yes or no, _way_ to go.

"Well, yes-" shrugged Draco, "I have some acquaintances- but that's not what I really wanted to talk about-"

"What isit then?" Ed would have smacked himself. _Now_ what was he supposed to do?

"Well, you."

Ed's world crashed around him. Yes, _that_ was the answer he was dreading.

"… Me?" asked Ed, his voice reaching the next octave.

Draco seemed to misinterpret the squeak. He smiled and leant closer. "Yes, actually," the other boy's one hand was holding his left, and the other was slowly crawling up Ed's body, making him shiver.

"I find you very… alluring."

The hand was on his chest-

"More than most."

Cold blue eyes bore into Gold-

"Especially your attitude."

Ed could feel Malfoy's breath mixing with his-

"Uhh-wait-uhm-"

"Ed?"

Edward, for the first time in his life, praised the heavens. Hallelujah.

"Al!"

Alphonse was standing in the previously empty hallway, holding a broken stone spear, clothes singed and blood (_blood?!_)splattered across his face and the top of his uniform.

His face was pale, but the anger in it was obvious.

"Get away from her!!!" He yelled, throwing the broken spear at the Slytherin.

_Krck_

The end of the spear shook slightly from the wall, firmly imbedded into the block of stone. Draco paled. "Wha- Alphonse- wait- GYAH!!"

_Crack-_

Stone crumbled down from the wall. Al's kicks were getting better, unfortunately for Malfoy.

Draco jumped into the hole in the back of the portrait (it had opened before he yelled the password) and disappeared, screaming like a girl.

"Al?!" Edward had to grab his brother to stop him from entering the dorm and murdering the other boy. "What's wrong with you?!"

Al whipped his head around, and his face that was contorted with anger smoothed down into a relieved, worried face. "Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine!!" Ed exclaimed. "Just _what_ have they been teaching you in that school?!"

"Nothing serious, I swear," Al smiled, and then asked seriously, "are you really okay? I mean, I could-"

"It's fine, it's not his-I mean," that wasn't really true, it _was _Malfoy's fault, but then Al would kill him- "it wasn't anything out of control…" wait, that came out wrong- "uh, I mean," Ed blushed. It wasn't what he meant, of course, but how was he supposed to explain this?

Al paled. "You two-?!"

Ed paled even whiter. "No! No, no, no! HE just started feeling me up and-" Ed clapped his hands onto his mouth. That was _not_ what he was about to say. "Agh-shit-I-uh-I mean-"

Al was gone. The portrait had refused to move for the boy, but the younger Elric had transmuted a hole in the wall himself.

Ed was now stomping on the closed wall, shouting at Alphonse to stop with the massacre.

"Al!! Come back!! It's not like that!!!"

Silence.

Ed considered transmuting the wall.

He then heard a scream.

Lots of things getting broken …

Was that… Viktor, defending his brother?

"… Oh geez…" Edward sighed. He hoped Al really was joking around when he looked like he was about to kill.

By the lightness of the air, he assumed it was around 3 in the morning.

Ed started to trudge towards the Beauxbatons carriage. Suddenly, he remembered something Al had said previously.

"… wait… HER?!"

* * *

**Mrawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~**

**Mrawgirl09**


	24. Chapter 24

**Well... Um. I honestly don't remember what I was gonna say. I remember them when I upload things, and then I forget the next time I upload. This is getting irritating.**

**So, I'm just going to ramble on about some things I find aggravating...**

**I like twisted fics, like, some things where things are so twisted around it doesn't even look like the original fandom. well... I guess ... wait... uhm... I guess, like, femEds, AUs, Not Vampires, though... But anyways. The annoying thing is that people who usually write those kinds of fics don't bother with grammar. Alright, so I'm picky. But it's really annoying when I see:**

**1. Defiantly. Definately. Defiantly means something in a challenging kind of attitude, and definately is just bad spelling. What's so difficult about Definitely?!**

**2. Its, It's, Your, You're ... I know it's almost ... not ... care-able (since I can't remember the appropriate word), but I can't stand them. Probably cause I have to read the whole sentence again. Its and Your are possessive, like when you OWN something, and It's and You're is more like description.**

**.... I guess I'd scratch the second one. But really. DEFIANTLY?!**

**Sigh.**

**I really needed that out of my system. Right. Moving on.**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**MnSpt - Thanks! XD**

**KrWng - Kkk, yes, he is.**

**Sphia - I don't think I understand, but thanks anyways!! (Don't mind me; I get lost easily as well)**

**WPNyx - Thanks! I at first was worried by your review. You sounded so serious. Thanks for your very flattering compliment!! XD I live by compliments. Also thanks for removing me from your 'need to make fun of' list. lol. About the tortured part, I didn't even think about it that way until you told me! I could do that... in my next chapter for Subject: Edward Elric! Thank you!! *evil grin*I would never want to make you unhappy, and don't worry!! I don't think I'll be stopping by 30 chapters..... I think. I'm not really sure, aheheh...**

**Kame-tan-PM - I. LOVE. YOU. Seriously. I still am not happy with my findings, cause TakiLorii (the author) removed her stories.... I don't know how I can get to it unless she opens up her stories again. D: I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY Thank you.**

**HrHym - If this 'disappearing' thing is about not knowing where you will end up after death, I assure you, you're not alone. I try not to think about it, but when I want to feel REALLY upset, I think about it, and I usually end up crying. I'm glad you feel better now, though. :D **

**Nlm2 - I just noticed, but you're the only one with a number in your name. Heh. *shrugs* What makes you think I jinxed you? Why don't you even consider curses? *eerie smile***

**Annms - I should have, but then I got lazy. heh. Thank you for reading! ... though I'm honored to be on your faves list, I might want to warn you; this fic is like a deviant, cause I usually write gory, angsty, tragic, absolutely horrid stories... Not much humor will be coming...... after this, I'm thinking. Unless you count The Short Encounter, Which I'm currently (trying to) rewriting.**

**Ellia - Ahahah, very true. Thuogh, I must say, the staircases will probably file a complaint about hiding corpses!**

**AmApt - Your name is hard to shorten... I just had to put that expression in. It totally ruined his image, no? Yes, Alphonse would probably win, but that was ... fair fighting, rather. With Mustang... Al would have to deal with 30 *BOOM* err... 28, years of war experience, with tricks including 'retreat'. :D As for what happened next... my brain number 4 died. So I moved on. :D**

**TrtDc - Not to worry. I should be sorry for making it hard, only limiting names to five letters. Heh. Thanks, Thank you, thanks, thanks and thank you again!! XD The first is called A State of Affairs, and the second is Round Robin, but TokiLorii shut them down, so now I... no one can read them D: I miss it. I really do.**

**LMstr - Yesh! XD More coming soon!**

**Tgwag - That he did. :D I'm glad!! XD**

**HstSl - Thanks!! XD As for the update... I'm pretty sure I updated yesterday... D: Maybe you've confused with Sunday? I mean, I live in Vietnam, and I think there's this time lapse thing going on... Especially cause I don't update everyday. I need my sundays. I update during sundays when I feel good, but I usually take that day off.**

* * *

**Enjoy!! (I got 15 reviews~ :D YAY! XD)**

* * *

Roy Mustang was bored. Again. The third year Raven-Huffle class Herbology was buzzing, collecting Puffapod seeds as they chatted amongst themselves. This class didn't have anything that was all that dangerous, except for when someone dropped seeds and they started sprouting. Only then he'd be allowed to snap his fingers and destroy those plants before they start taking over the greenhouse.

"Oh, my _god,_" said a girl from Ravenclaw, "no _wonder_ he never looked at us girls."

Mustang looked at the group of girls, who were gathered around a newspaper.

"It's kinda gross, isn't it? I mean-"

"What are you talking about? It's the _new_ 'in', isn't it?"

Sighing, Mustang made his way through the Hufflepuff students towards the group of whispering and giggling girls.

"I just wish I was in 'Ed's place," said a voice dreamily, picking Mustang's attention. "I mean, Al is _hot_, Draco's smart… though he _can_ be a bit of a prick… Ron's cute, too, _sometimes_," the girls made shocked noises, "I wonder, if 'he's got Mr…" they suddenly looked up, as if to check if he saw them, but he was fast enough to pretend he hadn't heard, picking up a blue-black beetle and flinging it outside to the lake, "as well, 'Ed' could even get … you know… _Harry Potter_?"

Mustang sniggered, and deciding that it had gone far enough, slipped the paper out of the group.

"Excuse me, ladies, but I believe reading things other than textbook during class is not approved."

The bell rung as he closed the Daily Prophet, and ignoring the protesting whines of the female students, he moved to clean up the class.

* * *

The cleanup was quickly finished, and Roy Mustang was heading towards the owlery to post his report when he remembered the newspaper. What had the girls been laughing over?

Taking out the Daily Prophet, he almost laughed out loud when he saw the huge prints and the invading moving pictures of teens.

It was the work of Rita Skeeter; it _had_ to be.

VALENTINE SPECIAL

THE NEW 'IN' ELRIC 'BROTHERS': INCEST? OR JUST OVER-PROTECTION?

All NEW information about the 'brothers' and …

_The newly arisen debate: Is the young Edward Elric really a boy?!_

Read all about it in page-

"Oh this is just too great," said Mustang, clipping it around his letter to Hughes. He'd keep such a beautiful blackmail source safe from Hawkeye's bullets. Roy was going to have a blast having it over Ed's head when they got back, almost literally.

"What's just too great?" asked a voice behind him, making Mustang jump. He whipped around, and seeing the said little blonde frowning at him, hid the newspaper and letter in his sleeves again.

"Nothing, nothing," he smiled. Then, finally noticing the big bunch of overflowing … things, he asked: "what are those?"

"Gifts," shrugged Ed, dropping a few bonbons, "from people I don't even know.

"There are chocolates filled with something or other, candies, moving flowers with numbers and names which I don't dare think are from girls, framed pictures of girls with weird rouge on them, mice, exploding gumballs-I think, chocolate frogs jumping around, and interestingly enough, a jar full of cockroaches, though I think one got out – it's crawling around in my hair-"

"Exploding gumballs…?" Roy remembered his own mountain of sweets. He suddenly didn't want to go through them. "Wait, _cockroaches_?"

Edward shrugged again. "Seems like they're cookies."

"So are you going to give them away?" asked the Professor, picking up the cockroach from Ed's hair and throwing it behind him. It hadn't been a cookie, or a cockroach for that matter, but Ed didn't have to know that.

"Not all of them," said Ed, shifting his arms, "I'm keeping the jellybeans, lollipops, candy pineapple, toffees and nougats. I overheard someone warn some other about love-potion spiked chocolates." "You want some?"

"Perhaps later," Roy shrugged, making a mental note to throw away all chocolates filled with something. "When I'm done with my own batch."

"You too, huh?" grimaced Edward.

"Yes…" Roy replied, distractedly. "What happened to your brother?"

"He's been dragged off by the Puffpuff girls-"

"Hufflepuff."

"Whatever," Ed shrugged, dropping another gumball that exploded with a small 'boom' "-to somewhere."

"You don't know where he is?" Mustang asked, eyebrow raised.

"Eh, he can take care of himself," shrugged Ed, and then muttered, "I would know." Mustang raised his other eyebrow as Ed shivered fearfully.

And then he remembered the Ball night when Alphonse had suddenly came after him with a spear.

* * *

On the other side of Hogwarts, Alphonse was trying, and failing, to escape the squealing mass of girls from four different houses of Hogwarts. He was silently thankful that the Beauxbatons were too dignified to glomp him.

"Err, I don't suppose I could go now-"

"Nooooo!!" They shouted in one voice, hanging onto his arms and legs. "Please! Can't you stay for a little longer?" Alphonse almost grimaced as all of the girls turned on their puppy-dog eyes. "_PLEASE?_"

"I'm really sorry," smiled Al, as he pulled off one by one the wailing fangirls, "I really _have _to go… my brother will be worried – and I have a meeting in schedule with Mr. Mustang-"

The girls' eyes started dripping with tears, and Alphonse felt like he just hit them.

"Please don't cry," he pleaded, and when the girls started sobbing, he smiled, "why don't I show something to you guys?"

The girls stopped crying immediately. "Really?!"

"Sure, let me just show you something really cool," Al smiled his disarmingly cute smile.

_Clap_

A giant Kerberos rose from the ground, making an ear-splitting roar as it grew horns and spikes from all over its body.

It wasn't as deformed as Ed's would be, but it was scary enough to send the gleeful girls screaming out the free classroom.

Alphonse smirked. No wonder Ed liked this kind of art form; it was fun seeing others react to it.

Humming lightly to himself, he strode out the classroom leisurely, taking random turns and getting lost in the hopeful mind of somehow running into his brother.

* * *

**Al is getting more and more into the character of a sadist... good.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	25. Chapter 25

**I always get this feeling that I'm getting lesser reviews every chapter. But the thing is, when I count them off, they're not any lesser, really. I wonder why...**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Annms - Thanks!**

**Sphia - Woah. Lots of points. Uhh. . About the 'now I shall turn Edward into a girl'... .... Uhm... I ... nevermind. And about the numbers, I guess that just counts as phone numbers from muggle-born students. Aheheh, I didn't really think about that. Puff, puff and away!! Ed would definitely be a masochist if ever Al becomes a sadist. Well, not much of a masochist, but ... fairly normal, I guess. Oh NOES! Al took Ed's place in deviantness!!!!!!**

**KrWng - Yay!**

**NtCat - Ahahah, I guess, with the limit thing... And about the sadist thing, don't worry. Just because he enjoys using force to get his point through doesn't mean he's a sadist.**

**WPNyx - Such long review. *heart eyes* Aww, I guess it's kinda the same with me... only a bit different. . . I am so serious that I can't differenciate a joke from a real ... thing. I mean, when someone says they're depressed because of something ridiculous or other, I usually... well, 80% of times I believe them. Aheheh... This is a curse too, I guess.... I'll take you up on that promise!! XD I'll be waiting for your alert and reviews!! I'm going to work on another chapter of that as soon as I get some inspiration that irritates me enough to write... And yes, Ed would kill Rita IF he found out about it. And Mustang WOULD tease Ed with that clip IF he'd still have it........ *evil glint* You'll have to read till the last chapter, by which I mean the epilogue, to find out what I just said. As for EvilAl... I just love how wicked Envy and Pride and Greed are, and I also love Al, so I just tend to try to merge their personalities a bit. Heheheh... Thank you! Puffpuff girls be away!! Your compliments are really flattering, really, especially cause you sound so serious. XD Wow. LONG reply.**

**Nrtlm - I found a way to get rid of your number! XD Thanks!!**

**Kame - XD Thank you !! Yeah.... I'm just waiting with blind hope that TakiLorii will come back.... soon.**

**LMstr - Mayyyybeeeeee, or maybe it's another group of boys who actually SEE that Ed's a boy, and got jealous of his popularity?**

**TrsDc - I KNOW. XD Mustang's shenanigans will appear once more in this chapter!! As for Al....... ... Mustang had better watch out. Really.**

**HrHym - YAY! Thanks!! Aww, I guess I'm a bit more into it... I tend to end up with a conclusion that living is a waste of time... Yay for you!!**

**Satoz - Wow. Exactly five letters. Beauxbatons is a coed, only Ed sees it that way.**

**HstSl - XD I can imagine. I agree, cause we all love Ed getting raped. I guess. :D**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!!

* * *

"So," said Edward, shaking out of his fearful stupor, "what is it that you're hiding?"

"M-me?" Mustang stuttered, making Ed narrow his eyes in suspicion. He looked for an escape, and panicking, he blurted out, "I believe you're the one who's hiding."

"What?" asked Ed, incredulous.

Honestly, Roy didn't know. Time for improvisation.

"Just show your true feelings, Ed," he muttered, smiling as the boy's eyes widened immensely. He took the pile of sweets out of Ed's arms, and laid them on one side of the corridor, still smiling _that smile_. "You trust me, don't you?" Mustang- _Roy_- approached Edward as the other paled and staggered back.

"What-" Ed gaped. "You're not-"

"Of course not." Roy smiled charmingly, earning a confused blush.

Smirking, he stood tall again, got out a small piece of card from his 'pocket', and jotted down something. Then, he picked out another paper, folded them together and put them in Ed's hand, holding said hand in his. "Here, open it when I'm gone." He smirked _the smirk_, and laid a kiss on the flustered teen's knuckles.

As Roy leant down, Ed could swear, that he saw flashes at the corner of his eyes. Except, he was too scared to look away from Roy, as he stood up again, still holding the now squirming hand. Even the annoying beetle buzzing around was ignored by both Amestrians.

Then, Mustang leant further into Ed, who leant back, and whispered in the blonde's ear, "I'll be waiting in my room."

He whisked off coolly past the teen who, too stunned, didn't look back. When he got to the corner and turned, he ran for his life to the opposite direction of his room. Hopefully Ed didn't find out about the Room of Requirements yet. If not, well... It was a good thing he always had his trusty will with him.

* * *

Edward didn't move.

He was too shocked to move.

He felt like crying.

Not Mustang too.

Next Alphonse would be starting to call him 'sister'-oh wait, he did.

Ed idly wondered, behind his shell-shocked mind, if cutting his hair would stop people – stop _men_ be attracted to him.

Still gaping, Edward opened the small piece of card with trembling hands. His already big eyes widened in shock as he read the contents of the card. The other piece of paper fell down on the floor.

_Duped you are, Fullmetal. _

_Happy Valentines, Roy Mustang._

_Ps. _

_This is the note you need to go to Hogsmeade. _

_Turns out it's an hour's walk from here. _

_You could have gotten a much manlier dress robe._

Letting relief wash him over, Edward dropped the card and stomped on it.

"Damn it you BASTARD!!!"

* * *

On the other side of the corner, Alphonse was shocked, to say the least. Roy Mustang, Amestris' famous womanizer, hitting on his brother. For a one night stand. He looked on as Mustang turned a corner at the other end of the corridor. He risked a glance over the wall behind him, and saw, with a hint of grief, that Edward was frozen in his position, unmoving. Alphonse frowned. Ed was shuddering... shivering. Was he crying?

As he silently maneuvered behind Edward across the hall Al idly wondered if him cutting Ed's hair could help the elder brother get rid of some of his admirers.

He smiled sadly; of course not, Ed was just that wonderful a person for people to fall in love with.

Closing his eyes, Alphonse clapped and placed his hand on the wall nearby.

Alchemy sizzled, and he started jogging leisurely towards the other side of the castle, where Mustang probably would go hide, trailing behind him his now heavier right arm merged with the stone knuckle-sword filled with sharp spikes and blades everywhere.

Just one punch, Al reminded himself as his muscles unintentionally flexed themselves.

It wouldn't do if Mustang was suddenly found without a head.

Just one, somewhere it wouldn't be critical... somewhere unnoticeable.

... Perhaps two would be enough.

* * *

Edward was trudging aimlessly down the halls, emitting the aura of a person ready to kill if disturbed.

When the relief of _not_ having the famous Amestrian womanizer after him wore off, Edward was left with the full power of his own anger towards the man.

"Stupid, Mother-fu-" he noticed the Potions Master pass by with Karkaroff twittering behind, "-cking, idiot, egotistical-"

"Hey Ed!" said a hyped up, cheerful voice.

Ed winced. He didn't need _him_ right now. "Hi."

Harry Potter walked over and slapped Edward on the back, grinning from ear to ear. It was a small curiosity, but Harry, unlike the emo guy he was portrayed as amongst others, always seemed to be either very hyper or very amused whenever he was with Ed.

"Are you coming for this Hogsmeade trip?" Harry noticed a piece of paper poking out of Ed's pocket, grabbed it, "Hey! You have your permission slip! Great! Let's go!"

"Wait I'm not-" Ed didn't get to finish his statement; Harry was already gone. With his permission slip. "Stupid ear-hole-plugged Potter, stupid Mustang-look-alike, stupid Hughes-sound-alike, stupid trip-"

Ed sighed. He supposed a break wouldn't be so bad idea.

It couldn't be _that_ bad, especially since it wasn't like Harry had pictures of relatives to show off.

Right?

* * *

**Right? he says. Heh.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	26. Chapter 26

**I guess no comments today.... nothing much..... Except..........**

**Alice Human Sacrifice .... RULES. I'm so totally addicted. I'm drawing it as FMA version right now. XD Alice 1 - Olivia; Alice 2 Mustang; Alice 3 Winry; Alice 4s Elrics.....**

**So far I LOVE Roy, except he doesn't look like Roy. Aheheh.... Damn.**

**Oh well.**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**KrWng - Eh, really? I guess. Don't worry! I think that's about all.... I think.**

**NtCat - Aheheh, Yay!! XD As for Al.... Heheheheheheh..... sorry. *runs away***

**Ellia - Well, uhm.... I would crush her, really, if I didn't need her later. Heheheh...**

**Nrtlm - THANK YOU so much for showing me that video. I got the music downloaded.... :D ... XD**

**LMstr - Yes, life is SO hard.... esPECIALLY since Ed HAS to react so strongly at every short jokes...**

**HrHym - :D S'okay! You reviewd fast still!! XD**

**Satoz - :D Tell your roomie it'll be okay.... maybe. I hope you don't die of lack of oxygen.... like I usually do.... (yes I died multiple times)**

**Sphia - Uhm.... Well, Ed DOES respect Hughes, but it's just that he's under stress. And he _would_ go into a sulking mode of 'it was all my fault' if he wasn't already annoyed at Mustang and Harry. :D You're sadistic? :D :D:D:D Because of me?! I'm so flattered. Ahehehh, I don't mind, I like pointy people, only though if they don't do it too.... annoyingly. I'm too lazy to go back and change, but thanks for the point-out!! .... Maybe I should. That is a big mistake... Aww ,well... um... Ed never does. *runs away again***

**TrtDc - Yes. Very bad. Well, I guess.. I mean, it was just one punch. :D Or was it two? Heheh.. Of course, expecting a break?! In a fanfiction, especially? As a MAIN CHARACTER?! Why I never.**

**TrstD - Yup. VERY confusing. I hope you can identify who's who. At least I'm glad I'm not the only one weird here then. :D Aheheh.... I can't write articles.... Sorry.... I can't. I swear I can't.... It took me hours to think of that title. and the next few.... and some of the subtexts..**

**KyhrS - Kkk, oh well, better late than never!! XD Thank you very much for reviewing!! XD**

**

* * *

**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ed was wrong.

"Why is _he_ coming?" snapped Hermione, snorting as Ed scowled at her. "Why not Alphonse too?"

Ed had forgotten that 'Harry' meant the whole package of a smirking Mustang/Hughes exist-alike, a bitchy bookworm that hated his guts, and a _guy_, who, by Al's opinion, _loved_ him.

Ed felt a migraine coming.

"Because, Miss Prick-cess," scowled Edward, "it's none of _your_ business."

"You could at least _try_ to be nice, _Miss_ Elric," growled Hermione, "and it _is_ my business; Al's my friend!"

Ed scoffed. "Says the girl who so obviously despises me," he muttered, "and you are starting to sound like a stalker."

"You-!! I am _not_ a stalker!!" Hermione blushed and stuttered. Harry smirked and Ron gaped. "You are!! I saw you stalking Professor Moody!!"

"I wasn't stalking him, and even if I were," smirked Ed, "you would have to have been stalking _me_ to know it!"

Hermione blushed profusely, shaking her head. "I didn't- I _didn't-_!!"

"Guys," smirked Harry. He loved it when those two fought; it gave him a relief from all of the stress from people around him… and Cho. "Let's _try_ to be civil, at least for the trip. And Ed's coming cause I invited him."

"Not that I wanted to come," grumbled Ed, crossing his arms, "I still need to write to my … friends, back home."

"You have _friends_, Edward?" sneered Hermione.

"More than you have _manners_, Hermione," replied Edward, not missing a beat.

"Hmph!"

"Now if you've finished bickering, shall we go to Hogsmeade?" said Ron, flashing a charming smile and putting up his hands in a placating gesture.

Hermione flipped up her nose and stomped away, while Edward trudged behind, completely ignoring the redhead.

Harry passed by Ron, patting him on the shoulders. "Smooth, Ron. _Real_ smooth."

"Shut up." Ron sulked behind.

* * *

"What the hell is this place?" grumbled Edward, as they arrived to a cheery … bar, with people overflowing.

"It's called the Three Broomsticks," mumbled Ron, still sulking as Ed kept on ignoring him.

"It sounds like a bar." Ed looked at the stand where the bartender was giving out large jugs of beer to customers. "It _looks_ like a bar. Are you sure we're allowed in there?"

Hermione sniffed, crossing her arms. "Lots of teachers go there, they're supposed to supervise us." She soon disappeared amongst the crowd.

"We'll go get the beers, you guys find a seat," said Harry, sending the sulking Ron along with Hermione.

"Beers?" asked Ed, raising an eyebrow. "You drink beers?"

"It's actually called Butterbeer," said Harry as he ordered three (Ed refused to drink), "it's okay, it doesn't have much alcohol in it."

As he waited from a few feet for Harry to come back with the beers, Ed's eyes scanned the room.

"Mr. Bagman?" came from his back. Ed turned around and saw Harry talking with Ludo Bagman, the (sucky) commentator at first task. Sighing, Ed walked up to 'rescue' Harry from Bagman's clutches, when he heard 'Crouch' over the conversation. Changing directions, Ed headed for somewhere near the table where he could stand waiting without suspicion, and listened in to the little bit of conversation as it ended.

Ed acted as though nothing had happened, lifting a cynical eyebrow as Harry came to him, struggling with three bottles of butterbeer.

They headed to… somewhere, looking for the two other Hogwartians, and Ed took the chance.

"… So Crouch stopped coming?"

Harry stopped in his tracks. Ed stopped as well. "How did you hear that Mr. Crouch dropped out?" the young wizard asked, his eyes narrowing. "Did you eavesdrop?"

Ed blinked owlishly, pretending innocence skillfully, and lifted one eyebrow. "Nuh, I just pointed out that Crouch stopped coming, and you just told me that he dropped out." Ed faked a realization. "Wait. He dropped out? Why?"

Harry blinked, blushed in embarrassment and looked around nervously. "Oh, uhm… He didn't really say-oh!" Harry's eyes locked on something behind Ed. "Damn it, it's Rita Skeeter."

Ed grimaced at the thought of the ickly woman. "Uhh, I think I'll just go out the back door," he said, and before Harry could protest, he slipped behind the bartender, quietly muttering that he was going to use the bathroom, and walked out the shop casually, as if he were in the street from the beginning.

As he turned the shop and walked in front of the Three Broomsticks, he could almost see the woman and her crocodile bag.

"So he's dropped out, huh?" muttered Ed, grinning as he headed towards the castle.

* * *

**I am getting very very very very very very very very nervous....... I really really really really hope you would forgive me for the next chapter, for whatever reason you may have on me. I wrote the dialogue (I write the dialogue first then write the whole story) while I was half asleep and I really really really really really really don't know if I would offend some people... I'm reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally sorry in advance.**

***Runs away***

**Mrawgirl09**


	27. Chapter 27

**I don't know what the hell is going on. **

**The FFnet doesn't let me upload. WTH.**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**Hmm... Sudden shortage of reviewers... I wonder why?**

**KrWng - Yay! Thanks for liking it.**

**Satoz - Thank you!! Here you are!**

**Sphia - Wow. LONG review. Aheheh, good point. Ooooooh I didn't think of that. XD Al is such a mastermind. Well then, I guess I should be relieved you didn't get caught! Oh yes, I laugh very much at what you write. You amuse me so. Hahah, I do that sometimes as well. The problem is, I don't stop........... I once laughed for 20 mins nonstop. I almost choked. well, I did actually. Heheh... I'm glad.... I'm so nervous right now...**

**TrstD - Right. I need to relax, or I'll have another gastricis............ *faints* I actually have two chapters....... or more coming later on that I made half sleeping.................................. I must remember to breathe... breathe...**

**KyhrS - Aheheh... It is fun, isn't it? :D Al, smexy? I never thought of him like that!! XD**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The Brothers, after having had a sparring session at a small area behind Hagrid's hut, were having a cool-down walk around the edges of the lake.

"Don't you think you should try to stop Krum from swimming in that lake in the middle of this chill?" asked Edward, ignoring another girl blush as his eyes accidentally met hers.

"Hmm?"

Another girl squealed at Al's smile.

Ed scowled, making another faint, "Come on, I know it's nearing spring, but it's still freakishly cold that I feel like my automail is freezing! Even when the nurse gave me the un-freezing spell!"

"He's used to it, brother." Al shrugged. "He spent most of his time in the sea swimming, and, as you can tell by our uniform, it's pretty cold out there."

"It's pretty cold out _here_, as well. I'm going in for another shower," said Ed, stomping towards the main school building.

"Okay, I'll be in my dorm," said Alphonse, quickly following, "we still need to study about that Golden Egg."

"Yeah, yeah."

As they reached the stairs, Alphonse suddenly grabbed Ed's wrist. "By the way, could you get something … less … sticking to your body?"

"What?"

Alphonse blushed, and laughed nervously. "… Nevermind, I'll just be in the common room."

As Ed turned away towards the stairs, he was grabbed again, this time by the arm. "Maybe I should go with you-"

"AL."

"Sorry Brother."

* * *

"I don't know what's so special about this Egg," muttered Edward, mainly to himself, as he let the warm water of the shower spray his frozen body.

The bathroom was steamy, providing him even more warmth and comfort from the cold. The Golden Egg was with him, carefully prodded and tapped around as Ed searched for a secret button or something.

"Apart from that it screams your eardrums to shreds when you crack it?" came the sardonic voice from outside the bathroom.

Ed scowled. "You go back to your mandrakes, Mustang, must you be so annoying?"

"I have free period, I'm bored, and you are, after all, entertainment personified," said the voice, and Ed grit his teeth, somehow being able to _hear_ the smirk in the voice.

"Fuck you, Mustang," growled Edward, considering throwing the Egg just to shut the man up.

"Thanks, but no thanks, I like my partner silent, not short," said Mustang, chuckling lightly.

Click.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE FITS PERFECTLY IN A MICROSCOPIC EGG?!"

Click. Mustang chuckled again, opened the bathroom door and peeked in, smirking at the shower curtain through the thick steam.

"Actually, you _were_ born from a microscopic egg, called an ovum, I think, but I have a feeling you weren't referring to that." He snapped out just in time as his favorite shampoo bottle hit the door and smashed onto the floor.

"Shut _up!!_" came the irritated, tight force laced with emotion. It was quite obvious Ed didn't let go of that incident on Valentines.

"Remind me exactly _why_ you are in _my _room, using _my _showers?" asked Mustang casually, leaning onto the wall.

"Because you aren't using it, and all the showers in the carriage are being used by the girls," came the reply, "and I don't like using showers after girls have used it; they don't clean the drains."

"Ah, of course," nodded Mustang in understanding, "and it's annoying to clean up after them because you have as much and long hairs as they do. I understand completely, ma'am."

"SHUT _UP_!!"

* * *

**The doom is approaching. The DOOOOOOOOOOM!!**

***Cowers***

**Mrawgirl09**

* * *


	28. Chapter 28

**FFnet still doesn't let me update... well more like upload, but still.**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**HtlSl - Kkkk, Sorry for the misspelling. XD I wish they'd be as well. *sigh* It was the door. Click *door closes* *Ed screams* Click *Door Opens* I guess that was a bit ambiguous. I had to come back cause your reviews were quite a few... reviews apart. Heheh. He is?! Oh. Uhm... I .... nevermind. Heheheh... :D Thank you?**

**Satoz - :D If Ed were real, If Ed saw this among many other fics I could name, Ed would make Feury track this fic and come after me. I'm so glad he's not real.**

**KzKm - I can't add another letter, it's just .... perfect this way. Aww, thanks!! Though, I don't think there will be any EnvyEds, cause I didn't really plan on putting Envy into this fic........... cause then I have to think of a reason and it'll be too hard for my already overworked brain. She is lucky that I still need her around.**

**OsmZk - Yay!**

**Sphia - hhh I don't either. Camp Rock? I didn't like it much.... Actually I don't like any disney movies that doesn't involve unreal characters. 2D, I mean. hmm. Thank you for reviewing in your distracted state!**

**LMstr - :D Rita!! XD Ed!!!! kkk s'okay, you reviewed still!!**

**HrHym - Uhm..... I think I was thinking more of like this chapter is the DOOM chapter..... or at least one of them...... *cowers* I'm not a witch!! Don't torture me by plucking out my fingernails so I can name other witches whom I don't know and drip drops of water continuously through my skull and get the ants to eat my face off or any part of my body for that matter and please don't boil me to death or burn me at stake or dunk me to death!!!! DX I don't want to die, cause I'm not a witch and I will not be able to not feel the fire so I can 'die' seven times like that other witch did!!!! DDX **

**TrstD - I didn't mean that chapter I meant this chapter!! And the next omake!! DDX I'm going to be killed !!!! I really didn't think (at the time) that it could be possible M! I don't want it to be M! ;A;**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!

* * *

"Ah, of course," nodded Mustang in understanding, "and it's annoying to clean up after them because you have as much and long hairs as they do. I understand completely, ma'am."

"SHUT _UP_!!"

Scowling at the low chuckle he heard from outside the bathroom, Edward turned on the shower hotter and harder, trying to drown out the annoying man.

"Stupid Mustang, bastard idiot ego-maniac-"

He picked up the Egg, tossed it around and prepared his ears before opening it.

_SCrEeEeee-Come-EEEEEeeeEEee-sound-EeeeeEEEEE-cannot-EEe-bove the ground-EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee-_

Ed snapped the Egg shut, eyes wide in surprise.

"What-what was _that?_"

He opened it again.

_ScR-Come-EEEEeee-eek us-EEeeeEeEEeeEEEEEEE-we cannot-EEEeeEEEEEEEeEEeEeeeeeEEE-ground-_

Annoyed, Ed turned off the shower and opened the Egg again.

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_

So the Egg had… or what was screeching from inside the Egg, was a creature related with water… quite possibly- no, very probably a creature that _lives_ underwater.

A knock came from the door. "Fullmetal, it's _quite _annoying that you keep on opening that egg-"

Edward ignored it.

He clapped, transmuted a small tub from the stone tiled floor, and started to fill it with water.

"Edward? Ed?"

When it was filled to the brim, Ed immersed himself, the whole upper body, into the tub as he opened the Egg. He did not hear the louder knocking that came from the door.

_Come seek us where our voices sound_

_We cannot sing above the ground_

_And while you're searching ponder this_

_We've taken what you'll sorely miss_

_An hour long you'll have to look_

_And to recover what we took_

_But past an hour – the prospect's black_

_Too late it's gone it won't come back_

"Edward!!"

* * *

Mustang was getting irritated; the screeches of the Egg was annoying, and he needed to use the toilet. Which was in the bathroom.

Groaning, Mustang knocked on the door impatiently, willing the boy to just finish up his cleaning and _get out_.

"Fullmetal, it's _quite _annoying that you keep on opening that egg-"

He heard a clap. It was muffled, but it was one. Curious, Mustang risked a glance through the crack of the door.

And there was Edward, in all his naked glory, transmuting a small tub out of the floor. Roy quickly took a few steps away from the door. What the heck- Was the kid thinking of having a bath in there?!

Knocking a bit more forcefully, he waited for the teen to get out.

Silence. That was never a good sign.

Roy knocked again, this time with his fists, hoping Ed to hurry up. Then a thought flashed through his mind. What if… Ed had stepped onto that shampoo bottle he threw at the door before?! There should still be quite an amount left, which would have immediately began to flow, making the floor slippery.

Unwilling to feel panic, Roy creaked open the door once again and peeked through. He swore loudly when he saw Ed's butt, the boy's lower body hanging out of the tub limply. Nothing moved, the steam in the bathroom had cooled, leaving the room cold and ominous, at least to the certain panicked professor. The still water didn't show any sign that Edward was breathing, or trying to.

Trying to calm down, and failing, Roy Mustang reviewed the short basic CPR course he had had when he was in the academy.

Mustang ran into the tiled room, shouting, "Edward!!"

He snatched Edward out of the tub, with surprising force he didn't know he had, and laid him down.

"Hey what-mmf!!" Mustang pressed his mouth onto Ed's, blowing air in as much as his lung capacity would.

_SLAP_

Roy Mustang was pushed back, holding his bruised cheek as Edward, red as a Hungarian Horntail, quickly wrapped a large towel around himself. "Hey I was-!!"

"Idiot!!" yelled Ed, throwing with great accuracy the Golden Egg at Roy's head.

He quickly clothed himself and stormed out of the professor's dorm, stomping as he missed the crawling beetle outside the door. Ed decided that he would use Al's Egg when he would explain it. He didn't want to go back in there with the pervert just to get a now broken Egg.

Roy Mustang, on the other hand, was cursing the short blonde for trapping him in the bathroom with a screeching broken Egg shredding his eardrums.

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_

* * *

**I'm sorry! *runs away***

**Mrawgirl09**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hallelujah!! It let me upload!!! YESH!!!**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

Satoz - Yes, I wonder what. :D

**Ellia - lol.**

**Annms - Yay!! Thanks.**

**KrWng - Yes, very. But I don't think he'll guilt a lot when he thinks about why exactly Roy'd gone deaf. hhh**

**LMstr - :P**

**Ntcat - BREATHE!! OMG Thank you very much!! XD Your review made MY day!! Hearing others laugh, instead of me, is refreshing.**

**Sphia - :D I thought most would just skip it. Oh well. kkkk. Oh dear. OH DEAR. Oh my. Uhm... Too late? There will be an explanation later, but.... Forgive me!! I'm actually very VERY glad you revived yourself to review. YAY UNDEAD REVIEWS!**

**HstSl - :D I wonder.... I never said it was Ed's first kiss........... but I'm too lazy to- Oh.... right. I .. um... nevermind :D It'll come later in an omake.**

**TrstD - Hahah, thanks, but I'll have to decline. I'll first have to look for your place, and I'm too lazy to get out of my chair right now, as uncomfortable as it is.**

**HrHym - Wow.... You're.... serious? Uhm, I hate to be the HARRY POTTER FOURTH BOOK SPOILER here, but ... since it's ... necessary... the Beetle is Rita Skeeter. *runs away***

**KyhrS - OMGGG as well! Aww, thanks for reviewing for that one, still! Al ... smexy.... I still can't get my head around it. :D**

**

* * *

**

Anyways.

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The weather was cold, and the six champions stood, some shivering, in front of the Giant Lake of Hogwarts. From afar, a crowd cheered and booed every time the Champions were led up to the starting point.

"Now, as I expect of you to already know, you are going to go to the merpeople's lair to retrieve what they have taken from you," explained Ludo Bagman. Nobody moved. "You each will have one hour, and are going in three by three, with 30 minutes interval."

The Elrics stood tall, wearing many layers of clothing which they would use to 'sink', and which they could take off when they rose to the surface. Of course, Edward would have to climb back out, what with having automail.

"Edward Elric, Viktor Krum, Harry Potter, you will go first."

The three champions stepped up. Edward idly looked around, trying to look for his superior officer. Usually he were near the two Elrics, supervising so that neither of the two would do anything _too_ stupid.

Not that Ed needed the support, of course, but Alphonse might definitely need one. He'd never been at a possible hostage situation before. The two brothers have, before the task, figured out that by 'something' being taken away, by some chance, included humans. So the best they could do is to hope that they would get to the bottom and out before three minutes are over.

"Ready… Start!"

Yeah right.

Harry Potter started chewing… something, and Viktor changed immediately into … something … else, and jumped in. Edward also jumped at the edge of the lake, and decided that the materials would have to do right now.

_Clap-Slpash_

The bottom of the lake's edge started reforming, much to the stuns of other teachers, into an oxygen mask with two full tanks of compressed oxygen. If he had done it right, he should have a steady, controlled supply of oxygen from the bottom of the lake.

Edward put on the mask, securing it, and jumped into the lake just before Harry did.

He let himself sink into a somewhat steep slope under water, jumping off the edges towards the bottom of the lake.

As Ed fell into the deep lake, little and big fish-creatures came and went, pointing at him in curiosity.

Suddenly, he was tackled into the 'wall' of the lake, sending a jolt of pain through his spine. Gritting his teeth, he looked at the swimming … green-glowing spider?

Growling, Edward took a swipe. It jumped onto his face, scratching and biting everywhere Ed would rather not, including the already unstable rubber hose. He tried to pry the thing off his face, but it did not let go with his many … legs.

Wishing he could sigh, Edward transmuted his automail into his signature blade. He could only wish that the water-repelling spell he had Alphonse put on his automail hold. He hadn't yet figured out how the magic and alchemy would react with each other, and thus he had to be careful.

Just as he was about to place the blade at what he believed was the thing's neck, it jumped off him and stared at him.

He moved, his automail still at the ready just in case it wanted to attack again. It didn't seem to attempt it, and instead it stepped back a few feet. Raising an eyebrow, Ed pushed the thought of the ugly creature to the back of his head, and jumped off again from the cliff, straightening his body so he fell quickly. He'd already lost a lot of time.

As he got closer to the song that rang throughout the lake Edward noticed more and more creatures like the one he fought before. The merpeople, Ed assumed, were _ugly_. They didn't seem to be too violent… yet, but one never knew until they did.

Keeping his guard up, he arrived at the area where he assumed was the 'pick-up' place.

* * *

"Shit! Ro- Mustang!!" he exclaimed, or at least attempted to shout, but all that came out of his mouth was the mouth piece of the oxygen tank and quite a few muffled bubbles. What were the wizards _thinking_, not even giving the hostages a source from which they were to breathe from?!

There weren't any bubbles coming from him. Harry seemed to be able to breathe underwater, somehow having grown gills and flippers, and were signaling Edward to get Mustang and get out of there.

So he did.

Transmuting the weeds the merpeople used into a makeshift person-sack, Edward started on his long trek upwards.

"Damn it, Mustang…" Again his voice became a big globule of mumbling air. He had used a bit more rubber for Mustang's mouthpiece, and Edward had nothing to do but hope that Mustang wasn't already dead. His hurried pace was unsteady; his worry and fear numbing his already stiff fingers and feet. As Ed reached the middle cliff where he had landed on his way down, he felt a familiar grip of a certain green-glowing creature.

Looking down, Ed saw the little devil grinning up at him. Confused, he tried to shake it off. It hung on.

Ed sighed, and moved onto the next wall climbing with the extra weight.

* * *

After about half an hour- or Ed assumed- he couldn't know- Edward began to notice that the merpeople were coming after him. Glad that he didn't transmute his blade back in, Ed found a somewhat stable place to turn his back and fight on. Curiously, the mermen didn't seem to want to fight. They held spears, and they had the ugly war-face, but they didn't seem to want to initiate the attack.

Shrugging mentally, Edward turned around again, adjusted Mustang so his back was not vulnerable to the mermen, and began to climb up again. It was most definitely hard, trying to climb an almost-cliff with a man almost twice his … age, dangling in front of his body. Ed quickened his pace as he saw Mustang's face pale further, if that was even possible. He concentrated less on the wall and more on Mustang's face, looking for the purple-blue tint that might show he was dead.

In the next second, or after an eternity, Ed's hands missed, grabbing a weed instead of a rock, and his head burst out of the water. For a second, he thought they had arrived, and spat out his mouth piece. And then he was pulled back.

Looking more closely at his surroundings now, Edward saw that the cliff had ended, and a more flat surface was beginning, towards the edge of the lake. Grunting at the increased weight, Edward skillfully took off three layers of his clothing without letting Mustang off, and started on his trek. The water was still a bit over his head, and as he pulled Mustang on he lost his oxygen, but he somehow managed to get Mustang's head out of the water completely.

Moving his left hand quickly, he measured for the pulse, but with his cold-numb fingers, he couldn't find anything. He then moved his hand to Mustang's nose, and his mind froze over when he again found nothing.

Mustang wasn't breathing.

**

* * *

**

:D I killed Mustang. Next will be Ed's turn to die.

**I blame Vocaloid.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	30. Chapter 30

**Remind me to never ever joke. Again. **

**I was seriously perplexed that so many people... wait, all .... well, almost all of the people believed me!! Am I that serious of a character? ;A; **

**I probably shouldn't have eaten sugar before uploading. Or spent hours on laptop making a flash.**

**I'm really sorry, Roy didn't die!! *runs away* **

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

Hemhem... Here comes the 'Sorry!!'s.

**KrWng - Aww, don't cry! I'm sorry!! Roy isn't dead!! Not yet, and not in this fic!!**

**NtCat - :D Thank you very much for not believing me. Hahah, yes they are, but it's even more devastating when the 'stubborn' people die so ... non-dramatically. :D Ah, ah, ah, THAT, sir, will come.... ... prolly in the next chapter. XD Well, not the Alphonse killing Roy part, but why exactly Roy was Ed's 'most precious' per say. **

**Sphia - No!! NOIDIDN'T!!! Don't hit meeeee!!! ........ But I like killing Eeeeeeeed...... (Subject: Edward Elric) Oh well. Not in this fic. Dun worry. Else it'll be genre'd as tragedy, not humor and adventure.... it IS adventure, isn't it? And you point out a very good.... .. point. But, since Ed's fingers come from below Roy, they also go past his mouth - he could still have felt the air come out.**

**LMstr - ;A; Sorry. Roy's not dead. Please don't cry.**

**Satoz - Yes. I know some songs are really cute and fluffy and nice and all, but I'm more like a .... horror.... tragedy ... twisted stuff kinda person so I've been watching Wide Knowledge of Late_Madness, Dark Woods Circus, Alice Human Sacrifice, Daughter of Evil and Servant of Evil constantly that it's getting into my FMA fandom mind as well. So far I have Roy as Kaito, Olivia as ... the red haired girl, Winry as the green ... I think M... Miku? Ed and Al as the twins. I don't know or really want to know who else there is. :L**

**Annms - Of course not. *smile***

**Ellia - Your words wound me... THE PAIN!!**

**TrstD - I'm glad you weren't in the mind to be too concerned - I would've been too sorry as well. I like disturbing, depending on how disturbing it is. ... :D Gore, or overly cute-fluffiness-random stuff?**

**Sclow - No, I was just kidding. I'm sorry. I really am. I blame Vocaloid cause it won't get the fxxxxing out of my damned head!! *in head* "You are my princess, I your servant~~~"**

**HrHym - XD You make me laugh. As for the Beetle.... I would defend her wanting a good 'scoop', but.... ..... nah. Pervert sounds good.**

**HstSl - He isn't. I'm sorry. I really am. ... As for Ed........ Uhm... right.**

**Now, Enjoy!!**

* * *

Mustang wasn't breathing.

At that moment his head shot out of the water – the place had gotten even shallower – and Edward breathed in the air fully into his lungs.

Moving towards the champions' stand, he shouted out, "Hey!! Some help here!!" only to stumble and breathe in a liter of water.

"Hack! Koff-koff-He's- he's not-gah!"

He was pulled back into the water, not by his mistake but by one of the mermen that had been following him. The oxygen mask was already come off, as was Mustang, who was now resting peacefully on the shore.

"Get off me!! Get off-glrg!" Edward felt his body freeze, preventing his struggle, and his mind became sluggish, darkening and darkening until he couldn't remember when he drifted off.

"Edward!!"

* * *

Alphonse had seen what just happened. Cedric and Fleur had gone already, and he he'd been transmuting his own oxygen tank and a pair of flippers when he heard Edward shout for help.

"Edward!!"

He'd gone right away, but he was held back by several teachers of Hogwarts, even the scowling Potions Master. He could hear the crowd shrieking in the distance as Edward's struggles became invisible under the water. "Let me go!!"

"Relax! This is a part of the second task! Yours start within minutes!"

"But Fleur and Cedric already left!"

Alphonse's struggle became stronger when the lake stilled.

Snape scowled, and moved one of his hands towards his wand. "They left faster then they-Gfuh!" The next moment he found himself on the floor, nursing his more deformed nose.

"Brother!!" Alphonse almost didn't have the right mind to pull up his flippers and grab the oxygen tank before he jumped in, forgoing his initial thoughts of preparing himself.

* * *

The water was cold, immensely so, and Al couldn't help but worry for his brother's automail and its ports. Even if the spells on it prevented them to freeze or do any detrimental harm to Edward, it could still give him a good over second degree frostbite.

As he swam down, Alphonse clapped his hands, looking around for something of use.

Nothing.

He first noticed after he jumped in, that there was absolutely nothing nearby he could transmute into something offensive. Sighing, he let the transmutation happen through the change of temperature of the water around the merpeople he could see, still holding his unmoving brother. Surprisingly, it distracted the merpeople enough to let Edward go, who immediately plummeted downwards, further away from air.

Alphonse, with his new found force in his legs, swam as fast as he could downwards, not managing to catch him before Ed hit the ground with a sickening crack.

Cursing, Alphonse swam away from the floor, going around the floundered merpeople towards the surface.

Unfortunately, they saw him.

They managed to catch up fairly quickly, and since Alphonse still didn't have any weaponry, he desperately swam his legs off to get out of the circle they had made around the brothers.

The next second, he was swimming towards the edge of the lake, his head out and trying to let Ed's out without accidentally dropping him. Edward's head didn't seem to bleed, but then again it might have been the water that wiped it away so quickly.

Almost at the verge of a panic attack, Alphonse threw Edward out of the lake, where he sprawled out with a thump, and turned around, transmuting quickly a stone barrier between he and the mermen. Leaving the merpeople bewildered, Alphonse ran towards Edward, checking the pulse and the breath.

He checked the time with the Transfiguration Professor.

He'd been in water for more than an hour. One hour and thirty, to be specific.

Nevermind he failed, Edward was under that water for more than an hour.

Three rules of survival.

Three weeks, three days, and three minutes.

Three minutes without oxygen… with an untrained body… equals death.

Alphonse felt his mind numb, his fingers shaking as he tried to shake Edward out of his death.

"Ed, wake up, Ed," Alphonse whispered, gently tapping at Edward's cheeks.

Ed didn't respond. His body was still cold as ice.

"Oh god Ed." Alphonse didn't really care that he was an atheist.

If only Edward came back…

**

* * *

**

There I cut. I would have made it longer, but then it'd be about 4 pages worth. Not gonna waste precious chapters. Nah.

**I won't joke this time. Ed's not dead.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hello!! I'm sorry I'm a bit late... I think my updates are getting later and later... D: I have a valid excuse this time!!**

**It's my birthday today!! XD 9th of September!! I'm so lucky to be born with two nines!! Well, more exactly four nines, counting 1992. But that's not the point. The point is that I've born this day, and because of this day this fanfic exists!! YAY!**

**Well now, nuff of that, let's move on.**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please Review.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

Satoz - Naw, even if Ed were dead, I'd go on with Roy and Al. Live with de GUILT!!! I KNOW!!! XD I'm also making a flash movie about that parody. I even did a few fanarts about Alice Human Sacifice, but I'm only happy with Mustang (And he doesn't even look like Mustang) Winry and Ed and Al. :D As for Olivia...... Yes, It's the Armstrong. I don't know any other ones, and so far I've seen Meiko, I think, as a warrior. So far it fits Olivia pretty well. The Disappearance of Miku was okay, but I think I prefer her Love is War. :D I guess I don't feel sad for her cause I don't really have much affection for her. . . .XP

**KrWng - And I can't wait to write. Seriously. I'm not done with the next chapter!!**

**Ellia - OMG You're right!! But this is Roy and Ed we're talking about. They prolly survived. ... Prolly.**

**Sphia - :D I would say not yet but I'm not going to say it cause someone did and then you won't have to cybersmack me cause I did already cybersmacked cause I don't want to get hurt and I'm not going to but I don't know. As for the Snape picture, I have no idea. Not really much of a fan of Snape. I mean, I like him, but I'm not a fan. The three life thing. I read it like ................ 13 years ago and I live by it. I think yours should be more accurate, cause Jeju island grannies can fish around 100m underwater for at least 8 minutes. .... Yeah. I think people evolved. Huh. Can you tell me it again? I want to remember it. As for the explanation ... ... the hint was in the last chapter and the explanation will be in this one. **

**HrHym - At least he's not _really_ dead! Please don't hit me!! You already killed me twice!! Save the word Bastard for Mustang!! Waaah!! It's my birthday!! Don't be angry with me please!!**

**Sclow - I'm sorry, again, and thank you so much for the Fear Garden!! XD Rin is so cute!! I love her expressions. And those of the people she cuts up. I would try it too if it wouldn't end me up in jail. maybe with death sentence.**

**TrstD - I understand my mistake. It won't ever happen again. Especially against Ed Cullen (whoever that is-I'M BEING SARCASTIC WHO THE HECK WOULD DARE NOT KNOW EDWARD CULLEN WITH ALL THOSE FANATICS AROUND).**

**HstSl - Aww, I hope this one looks longer? And your idea would make a pairing. ... Buuuuuut...... we'll see.**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!!

_

* * *

_

Ed didn't respond. His body was still cold as ice.

_"Oh god Ed." Alphonse didn't really care that he was an atheist. If only Edward came back…_

_No. It can't be. Ed can't be dead._

_Ed didn't die._

* * *

Alphonse, with new found strength, ordered at his brother. "Ed!! Edward! Wake up!"

An then he noticed another thing.

"He's not breathing! Ed! Edward!!"

Dumbledore, who had just been talking to a merman at the edge of the lake, looked at Alphonse worriedly before stopping the merman and proceeded to calm the boy down.

"Alphonse-"

It didn't work.

The crowd gasped and screamed when Alphonse Elric, the sweet young (and scarily overprotective) boy just attacked the headmaster of Hogwarts, straddling the older man as he held a rough blade at Dumbledore's neck. The teachers moved to try to stop the teen, but the blade was too close for mind's comfort for shooting spells.

"You!! You said it was part of the task!! What's wrong with him?!" screeched Alphonse. "Why isn't he breathing?! Fix him-!"

Al was pulled off the headmaster suddenly by a rough hand, throwing him to the ground.

He looked up, and saw, with a pang of betrayal, a very _wet_ looking Harry Potter, dripping from head to toe with water.

"Hey! What's wrong with you-?"

"What's wrong with me? _Me?!_" Al's voice rose as did his anger. "He's the freak who's used live humans as bait! He used Ed as my task and Roy for Ed's!!"

He clapped, and pulled out a giant statue wielding a double-edged sword from the ground, ready to slam it down upon the not so unfortunate souls.

Harry paled. His mind automatically went through all of the offensive or defensive magic he knew, and came up with Expelliarmus and Protego just as the statue moved its sword.

Alphonse bit down a sob. "And now Ed's not breathing anymore!! Ed's de-"

"Uuungh… Allll…?"

* * *

The area froze; Alphonse, the crowds, the headmasters/judges, Harry and the now awake (and confused) Mustang.

Al whipped his head around, finding Edward yawning as he sat up on the grass. The younger brother promptly jumped onto his sibling, tackling him into the ground once again, hugging the life out of the non-dead elder.

"Ed! Edward!! Are you okay?!" Alphonse sobbed. "Oh god, Edward!! You're okay!! You-you're-you-!! You weren't breathing!! I thought you were-!"

"They fed me something awful," groaned Edward, pushing his hysteric brother out of his face, "and everything goes black-Roy! Al, what happened to Co-Mustang?!"

"I'm right here," scowled Mustang, approaching them as he dried his hair, "and it was just a ruse to get the champions to 'save' us."

Ed's eyes bugged out. "You- you weren't breathing when I got you-"

"Yes, well, the Draught of the Living Dead potion was supposed to wear off as soon as we hit surface, except that it takes time to adapt and change, brothers _impatien__ce_," snapped Roy, the two blondes blushing in embarrassment.

Harry Potter was then promptly shooed away from the scene by Mustang's glare, back to his own friends who were now arguing about scores.

Mustang sighed.

"Everything was perfectly safe, or so they told me, and even so you know that I have as much trust in magic as you do, I have no choice but to comply."

The Elrics nodded silently, still holding each other – more like Alphonse holding Edward – to calm down.

With that, Mustang strolled away, mumbling about fishy-smelling hair.

* * *

As he returned to his original post by the judges' seat, Mustang nudged the Potions Master.

"Might I suggest you people find some pesticide? There are too many bugs- beetles, mainly- around here."

"Beetles aren't-"

"Yes, but they are too many around here that they're becoming annoyances," shrugged Mustang, and looked on towards the 'Golden Trio' (as Edward called them) as Hermione brushed off her hair. "besides, how are we sure they are not infiltration devices?"

"Machines don't work in Hogwarts grounds," groused Snape, sending a nasty smirk towards the Assistant Professor before strolling away.

"… I'll keep that in mind," muttered Mustang, glaring half-heartedly at Snape's retreating back.

* * *

Dumbledore walked through the halls, silently wishing he were somewhere else.

"Why me though, seriously?" asked Mustang for the twelfth time after the second task has ended.

Mustang had found out about the Golden Egg and its hidxden message, and ever since had been bothering the Hogwarts Headmaster about it.

"We couldn't find someone else in time, and the nearest person closely related to the brothers were you," said Dumbledore.

"Why not use Ed first and then-"

"But then that would have meant that Edward would not be able to participate in the challenge," explained Dumbledore, "which may have disqualified him."

Mustang seemed to consider it. "But seriously, why me?"

The Headmaster stopped, and turned around to face the other teacher. "Other than the arrangements, it's because of the rumors," he said, his face turning serious.

"Rumors? Oh, you mean the incest?"

"No, between you and Mr. Edward Elric."

A brief silence fell on the two until Mustang suddenly burst out in laughter.

Dumbledire calmly waited for the other man to calm his laughter, smiling enigmatically yet seriously as the other doubled over.

"Me and F-Ed?" Mustang laughed again, but it slowly trickled down to a few nervous laughs when Dumbledore's face didn't change.

"You're … not kidding," said Mustang, his face slowly turning pale.

Dumbledore merely shook his head.

Mustang paled, then turned green, then paled again.

"We're nothing… or I don't think we're…" his mind tried to come up with an explanation, and failed, "he… I know he's been… it can't…oh dear."

"Either you are in denial or you do not realize," said Dumbledore coolly, "but it may be beneficial if you settled the matter quickly either way."

With that, Dumbledore let the other professor deal with the shock alone, walking away from him. As he did, he heard Mustang gag and then run away, probably towards the Elrics' corner in the library.

"Of course, unless the rumors are false, in which case it will make things awkward," he added, almost like an afterthought.

His mind reminded him that he should've told the other man it first, but Mustang had already gone away, and he didn't feel like looking for the Assistant Professor.

Maybe later.

And Dumbledore forgot about it promptly after that.

**

* * *

**

Bad Dumbledore. Playing with people like that.

**But I'm sure people will love him after the next chapter. Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk**

**Mrawgirl09**


	32. Chapter 32

**People. We've got a problem.**

**The G 12s are going on a field trip. And in case you didn't know, I'm a grade 12. I'm going to go there, but they won't allow me to go with my laptop. Actually, I have to turn it in on the day we're supposed to go. I'm going to (try) to bring my mom's laptop with me, but I don't know if we'll have internet there. I _think_ it's a hotel, but since it's going to be ... like, in the middle of the mountains or something, I don't know. I don't even know if I'll be able to write, cause I desperately need to start on my Extended Essay, and I honestly don't know if we'll have the time. And I the Energy. Ugh. This is SO annoying. If we do have internet we'll prolly have to pay.......... damn it. Thankfully, mom or dad gives me enough for me to breed them (I sometimes somehow bring more money then I first had when I go somewhere) so I probably won't have a problem with that. I think. (I'm a stingy, and I know it) **

**The BIG problem is that........ it's about a week. It takes about a week, the field trip. I don't think the Vietnamese airport has internet so I can't use that either.**

**This means... I have update till .... this sunday, the monday morning if I'm quick enough, and then no update till ...... the next monday. OH GODS NO. **

**I'm going to try to move everything here to my portable hard drive - hopefully they allow own laptops so I can still work on them. I still haven't finished my flash!!! DDX DAMN IT ALL!!!!!!!!! I don't want to go on a firld trip, anyways!! ARGH!**

**I like my home, and I like my room. I'd be a hikkikomori if that didn't mean I'd get fat and that I won't have friends.**

**Ugh. **

**

* * *

**

This is another Secret Chapter, but since I really wanted to write more, there's two of them. One is quite long, and the other is quite short. But hey, all in one chapter! (Which makes it LONG)

**WARNING!!! **

**S.C.4: MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR RANDOMNESS SPEWING RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM BEWARE**

**S.C.5: DARK!ALPHONSE BEWARE**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please _REVIEW_.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

KrWng - YAY! Thanks!

**Satoz - Uhuh, especially for Al, after this!**

**Sclow - The link got scabbered, I can't read it. :D I love how cute she looks (and sounds) ripping all those arms out. **

**Nrtlm - :D You sound funny. Did you read the 31st chapter first and then the 30th?**

**Lmstr - sOkay! I still love you for this review!**

**Sphia - Ooooh. Long review. I know, but that means I have to go through each of them!! (whines) I'm so lazy that I wouldn't eat if that didn't kill me...... well, I starve already so .... nevermind. That sounds funny, though I don't understand "5'2", I am not so familiar with inches and feets... sorry. It's a potion called The Draught of the Living Dead, or did it - *gasp* it CUT my words?!!!! D8 OMG I made so much mistakes!! I shall patch it up ASAP!**

**NtCat - Oooh the kiss, huh.... hmm..... *goes into thinking***

**HrHym - Uhm, thanks, S'okay, Good Kitty! You're welcome, aww (since I do like RoyEd), and incest? D: Sorry... I don't like incest. I keep thinking about genetics from Biology when I think incest. Even though I know Elricest means no baby (cause then that means the Elrics die away with Ed and Al's death!****).**

**HstSl - Kkk I don't know if I agree wholeheartedly, but I agree anyways. XD LOL. That is something I'd prefer _not_ see, ever in my life.**

**

* * *

**

**Well... Enjoy!**

* * *

**Secret Chapter 4**

* * *

Edward and Alphonse Elric were studying in their 'Elrics corner' at a spare room Dumbledore gave them in a far off corner of the library.

They were going through many books of alchemy and magic, right until the sky outside was dark and the candle lights came alight.

The comfortable silence went on for what seemed like an eternity, or it did until the door to their sanctum slammed open by a very red faced Roy Mustang.

"Edward!!" Mustang looked very alarmed. Alphonse tensed automatically however, ready to jump in if he even hinted about hitting on Ed. He was sure he could keep the womanizer at bay- he did get rid of those boys, after all.

Edward flinched. "Gah!! What?!"

"Is what I hear true?!" shouted Mustang, storming inside towards Edward, who crept away from the man.

"What?!"

"Do you love me?!"

The brothers gaped. "WHAT?!" Ed loved Mustang?! Alphonse was too shocked about the perhaps-truth that he forgot about Mustang _touching_ his brother. Actually, it was more like grabbing, by the shoulders, but Al knew any movement made by that pervert could lead to anything. None of which he wanted to be present for. Nor did he want Ed to.

Mustang stroke a dramatical pose, almost comical if not for the scariness of the news. "You can't love me!! I'm too young to be homosexual pedophile and be discriminated away from my rank!!"

"What do you mean I lov- waitaminute WHAT?! Do you mean I'm SO LITTLE WORTH THAT YOU CAN'T RISK YOUR RANK IF I LOVED YOU??!!"

Al whipped his head at his brother. "THE HELL ED?!"

Edward finally seemed to understand what he just blurted out, and clapped his hands to his mouth.

Too late.

Mustang's- Roy's eyes were already a big as plates. "Oh no!! You _do_ love me!!"

No- this wasn't happening- get away- "WAIT HE DIDN'T SAY-"

"NO I DON'T-!!"

"I'm sorry but I promise I'll come for you when I get to the top, I promise!!"

"WHAT-"

Alphonse couldn't find his voice, his mind blank and screaming million thoughts at once and his body unmoving yet itching to kill the man before him.

Roy held Edward by the shoulders again. "But in the meanwhile, please accept this kiss!!"

Al's eyes widened.

"WHAT THE FUCK-MMPH!!"

At the back of his mind, Al wondered if he was going to be traumatized for life. His mind became more and more pale as he saw Ed's struggles die down, and even begin to kiss back clumsily.

Yes, he probably was going to be traumatized for life.

After what seemed like a hellish eternity, Roy pulled back, and Alphonse noticed with disgust that a very thin string of saliva connected the two lips. Ew. He was _never_ going to kiss. EVER.

Roy planted another chaste kiss on dazed Ed's forehead. "I promise I'll be back for you when you turn legal, and when I become Fuhrer of Amestris!!!!" he shouted, posing dramatically yet again, and ran out of the door shouting, "I DECLARE A COUP D'ETAT AGAINST KING BRADLEY!!! FOLLOW ME, MINIONS!!"

The room fell into silence once again. It was very uncomfortable. Alphonse tried to shake Edward out of his reverie. The other blonde responded with a blank stare and silence.

"… Ed?" Al began to worry. "Ed?"

"… That… was my first kiss…" muttered Edward, brushing his red lips, face tinted with a blush. Now _that_ was _really_ worrisome.

"Ed?!" Edward suddenly walked out of the room, staggering away from a stunned Alphonse. "Ed!!"

His brother didn't look back. He struggled with his body to reach out and stop Edward from the shadows.

"Ed?!! Where are you going?!"

Alphonse's hand reached a shoulder.

"Ed-gah! Mustang!!" In stead of Edward, Roy Mustang was staring back at him, blood covering most of his face.

"I've got Bradley's position!!"

"WHAT?!"

"I'm the new fuhrer!!"

"HOW?!"

"It's a long story involving penguins, brain thingies and my being able to transmute tentacles from thin air- but that's not important, where's Ed?!"

"WHAT??!" What happened to an epic alchemy battle, where the two fighters fought each other to death- What was he THINKING?! That wasn't the point!

"How am I-"

"I'm here, Roy!!"

Roy looked up, over the younger brother.

"Ed?" Roy's voice was trembling. Alphonse was scared already of what he'd find when he turned, but when he did…

"ED?!" he shouted. "What the FUCK?!"

In the shadows lay a completely transformed Edward, clothes shredded to show his complete set of limbs. His face was older, more… feminine, longer, more mature. And … he was a girl?!

"I performed Human Transmutation for you, Roy!! I have my limbs back, but I seem to have aged 13012 years!! And The Gate made me a vampire!! I know you hate me now, goodbye for ever!!"

"A VAMPIRE?!" Al's mind was running around in circles. "YOU CHANGED SEX, BROTHER!!"

Roy pushed Alphonse away and swooped Edward off his- her feet before she ran away. "I don't care!! Bite me so I can stay with you forever Edward!!"

"WHAT"

"Do you mean it?" Ed's eyes twinkled.

"GAH"

"Yes!"

They leant closer, and Alphonse, to his horror, couldn't turn away.

"EDWARD!!!"

* * *

"EDWARD!!" He was staring at a page of a book. He got up, looking around, and found himself in the brightly lit, familiar room of 'Elrics' corner'. "Oh freaking damning Gate… It was a dream… it was a dream… it was a-a- a _weird_ dream…"

"What's wrong, Al?" asked Edward. His voice. _His_. He was still using that overly-flat voice.

"No, nothing… I just had a nightmare…" said Alphonse, sighing. His fingers twitched again as he remembered the dream. "Brother, how is your automail?"

"Hn? They're fine, why-?" he was interrupted by a slam at the door. "Edward!"

"GAH!! What do _you_ want, Mustang-"

_PUNCH-SLAM-click_

"Al?!"

The younger brother turned away from the locked door, straining a smile.

"Nothing, let's just go to sleep," he gestured at the bed nearby.

Since the brothers usually spent days researching, Dumbledore was kind enough to get one bed into the room. The bed was usually used by Edward, who was forced usually by Alphonse to sleep in the castle than to venture outside to the carriage in the middle of the night.

As he prepared the bed, he caught movement at the corner of his eyes. "Do _not_ open that door, Ed."

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "But we still have like five hours till midnight-"

"Let's sleep early tonight Ed, I'm sure we need the rest."

"Why don't you go ahead and sleep; I'm going to-"

"_Now_, Edward."

"But I need to go back to the carriage-"

"Don't make me hurt you, Ed."

"But it might be imp-"

"Edward."

"Yes brother."

The lights went off, and the brothers cuddled together in a small bed into slumber.

* * *

Outside, Roy Mustang was still confused as to why he was on the floor with a bloodied nose.

* * *

**Secret Chapter 5**

* * *

When Edward's breathing slowed and evened out, he woke up.

Pulling off his uniform, he clothed himself again with black jeans and tank top.

Two, this time. He checked the letters again.

Yes, two.

He was moderately happy that the number of requests for 'midnight meetings' had gone down significantly. On the other hand, he was quite a bit annoyed about the lingering one or two. He hoped that this 'meeting' would be the last.

It almost never did.

He was surprised at first when Ed received letters by the owl. No one in Amestris should have known about Ed or Al being here in England, not to mention they shouldn't know about owl mailing system.

After a brief meeting with Mustang, the brothers agreed to get rid of them as soon as possible.

Alphonse was the one chosen to do it first.

He'd read the letters, just in case it were something important (which was unlikely) and found that it were love letters, asking _Edward_, of all people, to meet them at a certain area of the school or another. Ever since he snatched Ed's letters away before his brother got to it. Ed complained about it, but soon let go.

Ah, the privileges of being Edward's younger brother.

Some of the letters had been humorous, so naïve and sweet Alphonse ripped them in two.

How ridiculous.

As for the rest…. They were less than pristine. More… amorous, the words were.

Alphonse gritt his teeth.

He'd made fun at Edward for getting boys flocked over him when they first got here. Now it was getting plain annoying. Edward was getting stressed, and it was getting the brothers too many stalkers. How could they not see that Ed was a boy? Edward also obviously hated their guts. Maybe they were just queer.

Alphonse sneered in disgust as he approached the first one, at the astronomy tower.

Let the bloodbath begin.

* * *

The next day two boys from Ravenclaw woke up dangling perilously on the edge of Hogwarts' castle's roof. They had bruises all over their bodies, though was later surmised was because of their fall, and they remembered nothing but a very angry golden angel dressed in black.

Whispers about the prettiest girl in Beauxbatons turned into rumors about Edward Elric going around with a set of black outfit in the middle of the night, wreaking havoc throughout the Hogwarts school building, especially against the boys who seemed to be interested in him.

The flock of boys visibly diminished, and when the two brothers were seen, the male population turned their faces, while the girls sighed and swooned openly.

Edward didn't seem to notice a thing, and complained about the attention as Alphonse laughed with him. To Edward, the only important thing presently was that his younger brother seemed to be back to his old self, caring, kind, and all out adorable a little brother he is.

An angel, to say the least.

**

* * *

**

I got a earring stand for my birthday!! XD I'm so happeh.

**Today's song: Love is War sung by Miku**

**Mrawgirl09**


	33. Apologies

I'm sorry.

I don't think I'll be able to make it to this update.

My writing .... will ... just disappeared suddenly. I don't want to write any more.

I'm still going finish this story. I _know_ this is just a temporary thing. I just need some time off. My fingers are tired of typing, and my eyes are tired of looking at words and spelling and etc. I never really liked writing anyways. I tried writing Subject: Edward Elric for a change, and I ended up with a 4 page dialogue and I don't have anything to write after that. This shows how pathetic my writing will is. I can't seem to write more than a page now.

Especially since I just spent the night doing English Essay which was denied cause the teacher thought he was being silly asking for an essay about a book we didn't even finish. I'd ask him WHY THE FUCK THEN DID HE MAKE US DO A DRAFT AND THREATENED US TO KICK US OUT OF THE CLASS IF WE DIDN'T DO IT?! AND the more annoying thing is that I'm the only one who actually did it. I specifically remember him saying not to whine about printing or whatever and so I did, I stayed up all of the freaking night to do an essay of a book I have no idea what it was about and now he doesn't want it.

I'm just mentally exhausted.

I'll be fine the next morning. Hopefully.

I also just need more time to write more chapters. I ran out of my spares, so I can't update those anymore, either.

I'm just going to see if I can type the next chapter and the next and then the next and then again the next (total four chapters) so I can update all of them before I go. ........ which seems impossible, but since I missed once, I would really like to update two chapters at once some time after I get my will back.

I am more of an artist than a writer. I got bored, and my hands miss the pen/pencil and the paper. I promise I'll be back, prolly the next day.

I'm just so tired....

I'm now going to go to sleep until the next day so I can work my ass off to make up for the lost time. Oh ....... damn it. I still need to go to school for my Art project. DAMN. uhm...

I don't really know when I'll be able to update, but I promise I'll update at least one before I go to the field trip.

Now I really have to go to sellep casue I think my finders are getitng numb be casue of slelp deprvatin.

Mrawgirl09

Ps. Is it just me, or is my writig skils deterioratting? I mean, not in this chapter, but over in this story. Is is normal for me to be unable to write more than two pages now? Because I feel so uselesss right now.


	34. Chapter 33

**I'm very sorry for not updating yesterday. **

**So I'm updating two today. **

**:D **

**Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha now I'm back to having no spares. **

**...**

**Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah-damn.**

**Oh well.**

**I'm back to being my own quickly-changing-mood me.**

**I'm also back to cursing my English teacher *BGM=DieDieDieDieDie***

**Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah-**

**Sorry, my mind seems to be out for a walk right now. **

**Hahahahahahahah-**

**Let's move on before I start talking about wanting to throttle someone.**

* * *

**I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please _REVIEW_.**

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

KrWng - :D Scary nightmare were all I had until yesterday. Heh. Actually I'd call yesterday's one scary nightmare as well.

**Satoz - Aw, thanks! XD Poor Al.... not. XD XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD**

**MnSpt - thank you!! XD I love Al too and I'd definitely join Mustang as well, just because I like the blood spatter.**

**Ellia - Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahawhataboutnow?hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha**

**Nrtlm - Yes, thank you, and now they're back to normal!!!!!!!!! XDDD**

**Sclow - Sry, they're back to normal now. I was changing a mistake. and then I made another. Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahah. Thank you! I will, but I can't help but feel sorry. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D BTW, Returning Echoes is one of my FAV fic which I want to save it and print it out and then keep it forever. **

**HrHym - I'm glad you're still living though. now you can read this story! XD:D:X:DXD derdvjcbvn :D I love Al's reaction as well. I just got tired of Ed hogging all the randomness and the gore and the sorrow and stuff (in what I've read so far). Hahahah I don't read enough Mary Sues to know what they're like. :D:D:D:D:D They sound suckish. I don't understand why some write those though.**

**LMstr - Oh NOEZ!!! DOCTOR!!! *runs into One Piece for Chopper* I dunno, I was playing Teen Zombies where there were brain thingies and reading a comic with penguins and saw the number 19 and thought of tentacles and then suddenly remembered there were lots of VampEds and suddenly wished FemEd fics and then*WHAM* *dies***

**Sphia - Answer! They're back to normal!!! XD Nope, Nope npe nope nope nononono I LOVE ADORE long reviews, I don't know what made you think otherwise. Oh right. I just meant that I would have to go through OTHER reviews to find yours and specifically the one where it talks about it. :D And I'm too lazy to do that. Then again I could look per chapters but then I'm too lazy to do that as well. :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I get like that too. But then when they come around I turn on disturbing videos like Alice Human Sacrifice so they just say 'Okaaay....' and go away. Heh.**

**NtCat - Your reaction tells me so much about how this fic overall is random. :D I'm glad you laughed your head off. XD XDXD *evil cackle* I love random talk, it makes me cry (from laughter). I'm a RoyEd fan, but I can't really write much of a RoyEd thingie so I top it off with randomness to cover my insecurity. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Oh yes, I had this image going for him for quite a while now in my head. I'm glad I have it on ... web, now. XDDXXXDXDXDXDXD**

**StrBs - But I love Al Evil!!!!! D: Actually, I like everyone evil. DXXDXDXDXD I want to make a fic where every good guy are evil and all the bad guys are good. One day. Some day. **

**TrtDc - XD You reviewed!! XD XDXDXD Yes, one would believe Bradley's demise would come quicker. But then again I made it in this point that the three don't know that Bradley is a homunculus, so yeah. XD XDXD Silly Old man gave me the idea!! YAY DUMBLEY!! XD XDXD Thank you, I don't know if I will but I will!!! XDXDXDXD**

**HstSl - Bloodbath!! XD I will!!**

**

* * *

**

**Whew. Reviews for Chapt. 33. XD Thank you all for your support!! XD LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!**

* * *

**MnSpt - It's been really great. I slept right after I updated that fic and I slept through till the next morning. It was around 4 30 when I fell asleep, and I work up around 7 AM. XDXDXD I'm so energized I could sleep for another 7 hours!! XD jk. But I'm still sleepy. Seriously. But I meant like I don't get the Arrow-to-the-head kind of inspiration for my other fic, Subject: Edward Elric. I have a bunch of ideas but I can't seem to write them in more form than a drabble. D;**

**StrBs - I'm back!!!! XD **

**Sphia - Uhuh.... I think so too... or maybe it's just one of my moodier days. I'm getting there, but I still can't seem to write longer!!**

**CMnAS_PM - Aww, thank you! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!! I won't ever talk badly about my writing again!! D; oh, uh... thanks! XD Ahahahaha... I went through this as well, for my other crossover fic, Short Encounter. But I spent about two months dwelling on that - writing doesn't help me, I hate writing in the first place, and then I just didn't have a story. Now it was kinda different. I have a story, but I got bored writing it. I don't need much time getting myself together, cause I usually pick up pretty quickly!! XD XDXDXDXD As for right now I'm not sure why I'm hyper but I guess it's better than being as lax as yesterday. **

**LMstr - Thank you!! XD I will-uhm I am!! My typing? What typing? I have typing mistakes? Oh, a cookie. Thanks!**

**KyhrS - I wouldn't have said so too, but you corrupted me. I love Al being mean. They always say the quiet, kind ones are the scariest when they get mad. I think Al would really do ANYTHING for his bro. XD Such good lil bro. Ed would be proud if he weren't scared. Well, I'm back, so no more waiting!! XD Well, until I get struck again, that is. Thank you!! XD **

**

* * *

**

**Whoop! Now with that out of the way, Enjoy!!**

* * *

Edward and Alphonse were walking around the Hogwarts grounds after the short meeting with Ludo Bagman in front of what Harry said it had been the 'quidditch' field.

Edward was, of course, not so happy with the arrangements. "They didn't really need to make those hedges, right? I mean, if it's just a maze, any old brick should have been acceptable."

"By which you are implying that it's not just a maze," replied Alphonse, doubt showing on his face.

Ed nodded. "It probably moves, somehow."

"But it's a plant!"

Ed scoffed. "And? Did you see anything following the natural law? In any way?"

"…." Alphonse remained quiet.

"Yeah, exactly," Ed harrumphed, "and that man also said there will be 'creatures'-" he didn't get to finish his sentence, as suddenly a sharp scream echoed from where they had just come from.

The brothers looked at each other, their bodies tensing as they imagined the worst. It sounded low enough to be a man, but they couldn't be sure about anything.

They ran back, and upon hearing yet another, more younger-sounding voice, they sprinted faster.

Hiding as soon as they saw a figure standing, they looked at each other as a silent agreement and looked past their posts.

The figure moved about, kicking a person, unconscious, Ed guessed, to a tree. It groaned, and Alphonse took a chance to look at the fallen victim.

Viktor Krum.

Edward had to jab Al's stomach to stop him from running towards the standing man in anger.

Pulling Alphonse onto him, he wrapped his arms around Al's, and slapped his hand over his brother's mouth so the other could neither move nor shout out with out his say so.

The assailant seemed to notice a change in the atmosphere, as he took a careful look around, but soon returned to whatever he was doing at the time. Ed strained on his tip-toes, to see what was at the man's feet apart from Viktor, but he only managed to see the tip of a head in the silvery moonlight, the rest covered in shadows.

The figure took out his wand – Ed noted that this was a wizard – and muttered something under his breath. Light sparkled to life from the wand, and the brothers had a chance to look more closely at the scene for a brief second.

The victim was Crouch, the grouchy person-judge who came to the competition to supervise it, until he 'felt too sick' to do so and remained at his house. He was transformed into a pile of bones. Ed had to bite his lips to stop himself from shouting out in disgust.

Viktor Krum had his eyes closed, blood was flowing from his nose.

As for the assai… murderer, he had his back turned towards the brothers, but Edward recognized immediately the familiar back.

He knew this person very well.

The light faded out, and the figure suddenly moved his wand towards where the brothers were, making Edward jerk back behind the tree in alarm, pulling Alphonse away from the edge as well. The light beamed out again, hitting a tree just next to the place Ed and Al were hidden in.

A bird flew away.

The world became silent. And when Edward found courage to have his head around, he found nothing. Past the unconscious Krum, the man was walking away quickly, or as quickly as he could with a limp.

The brothers had just gotten out of their hiding place when Harry came running out with McGonagall.

Edward glanced at his brother, still trapped within his arms.

"... We need to report to Mustang. _Now._"

* * *

They ran past the two figures talking with Viktor Krum, full speed towards the Hogwarts Castle. As they turned the sharp corner for the main entrance, Edward ran into a person, followed by Alphonse who was running close behind.

"Oof!"

They somehow landed on the floor, Edward squished underneath Alphonse, looking up at the face of no one other than Alastor Moody.

"Shit-" Before Ed could finish his sentence, his arm was jerked, making him stand, toppling Alphonse away.

"What are you-"

Moody growled. "You two are prime suspects – a scene of the crime, a scream, and suddenly you two are running towards the school past your curfew-"

"Actually," interrupted Al, swaying slightly from the dizziness of all, "we still have about 20 minutes until our curfew is up."

Moody's scowl didn't disappear. "You're coming as well, Mr. Elric."

Ed felt the need to explain. They couldn't be suspected of the murder, they needed to report to Mustang. "But we didn't -"

"They all say that."

Alphonse searched for an excuse. "We were just-ah…"

"It's-we-" Al stuttered, and Edward's mind blinked.

"It's just…" Ed knew what he could say, but it was going to be hideously unsettling.

Ed spoke in an unnaturally soft voice. "We… uhm…" Alphonse and Moody both looked at him. Al's eyes were wide, as Moody's was searching. Ed mentally winced. He wanted to puke.

Ed looked down, forced his breath down to bring up a blush, and mumbled, "i-it's hard to get some 'alone time'," Al's eyes widened further, and his face became red with embarrassment. "W-what with all the people talking about us … so…"

Ed felt his arm dropped, which he brought to his back quickly, and scurried towards Alphonse, who flinched as he approached. It was embarrassing, it was disgusting, it was shocking, but as long as it got rid of the man… Ed was glad there wasn't anyone nearby.

Al seemed to have taken the hint, as he blushed as well (though Ed doubted it was faked) and moved closer towards Ed, looking down and away from the unnerving searching blue eye.

Moody seemed too shocked to use his eyes to look for any further lies, as both his eyes were frozen on the two boys, grunted and turned away, stomping-limping towards the scene, muttering something like 'faggots' or 'disgusting' under his breath. Ed and Al quickly turned away and ran into the building and sighed in relief.

"That … was … _close_," said Edward.

"Not to mention disgusting," agreed Alphonse, grimacing. "What made you say that?"

"I don't know," replied Ed, shrugging, "I honestly have no idea. It's just more believable than anything I could think of, considering the situation, that is."

Alphonse nodded silently, and they started towards Roy's bedroom.

"You're not… are you?" asked Alphonse quietly.

Ed's eyes widened and his face lit up bright red. "No!! EW! NO!"

The brothers remained silent for the rest of the way, and though Edward had denied it so throughoutly, after seeing his brother's acting skills, Alphonse was not sure if he could believe Ed.

* * *

**Current Feeling: Post-Hyper numbness**

**Mrawgirl09**


	35. Chapter 34

**A bit shorter than the one before, but what the heck.**

**

* * *

**

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please _REVIEW_.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!

* * *

Roy Mustang, the famed Assistant Professor for Herbology, was having sweet dreams about scoring a date with a certain Riza Hawkeye.

Well, until he was unceremoniously woken up by loud banging on his door.

"Mustang!!" shouted a certain shrimp from his door. Groaning, he got up, and checked the time.

"Bastard! Open up!!" Two to nine. He sure as hell was tired if he fell asleep at _that_ time.

"What?!" he growled, opening his door, and before they answered, Edward and Alphonse barged into his room, hands already poised to clap. "Hey-what the-what are you-"

Ed didn't look back. "No time, close the door, now." So he did.

"What are you doing?" he asked, moving to close his windows.

Ed clapped and placed his hands on the walls. "Sound-proofing the room, what are _you_ doing?"

"Making sure there are no bugs listening in, including the ever-present beetles," Roy Mustang crushed a ladybug by the windowsill. A nearby beetle flew away. Cursing, Roy closed the last of his windows, letting Edward soundproof it.

"I thought machines don't work here," commented Alphonse, already standing in front of Mustang's desk.

"You can never be too cautious," said Mustang, plopping down on his chair. He stifled a yawn, and crossed his fingers on his crossed knee, attempting a somewhat professional pose. "What is it?"

"Barty Crouch was murdered tonight."

Mustang woke up completely. "What?"

"Mister Bartemius-"

"No I heard what you said," he scowled at Ed's cheekiness, "_how?_"

"We – the champions – were briefed about our next task, at around 2000 hours, in front of what used to be a sports ground called a quidditch pitch," began Edward.

"When we heard a cry – more like a scream, and we immediately ran towards where we heard the noise," intercepted Alphonse.

"What-ow?!" A crumpled piece of paper dropped on his desk.

"Shush," said Edward, crumpling another piece of his paperwork. "When we were running towards, however, we heard another scream."

"When we arrived at the scene, we _hid_ behind a nearby tree and in the shadows, so we were not seen by anyone, from any direction."

"The second we arrived, around 2032 hours, though, we saw Viktor Krum, the other champion of Durmstrang, lying on the ground, immobile."

"Not far away, Bartemius Crouch Sr. was also lying immobile, but when we almost moved to get to them, a faint sliver of light came out of a dark figure next to the bodies, turning the body of Mr. Crouch into a pile of bones."

Mustang grit his teeth.

"After burying the bones, the murderer moved on to drink from a bottle, which he put back into his coat. We heard more people coming, and a dog being sent to find people, so we came straight here for our reports. The time was 2043."

"The murderer had a wooden leg, his hair grey, height nearly 160. His movements seemed sluggish and jerky."

Silence stretched in the room.

"… That… was surprisingly sincere and serious, Fullmetal," said Mustang, uncrossing his legs.

"Shut up, Bastard," growled Ed, "it's a matter of a person's death."

"Yes, I know." Mustang tapped his nose thoughtfully. "Your description matches one person in the staff."

"Alastor Moody," replied both Elrics.

"Correct. He may or may not be a suspect for the murder of Bertha Jorkins, but he is surely the murderer of Mr. Crouch. Find the skull of the man and bring it to me – we'll need it as evidence – and find a motive for Alastor Moody to kill him."

"He also was returning to the scene of crime," added Al, "When we were running towards the castle, that is after he had left the scene, we ran into Alastor Moody. He seemed to be out of breath- he must have taken a whole round about the castle to make fake time."

Roy nodded. "That is seriously disconcerting. He even got the suspicion off him from two witnesses- no one would suspect him to be so agile at his age and with his body. Moody, or whoever he really may be, is now our prime suspect. Find out more about him if he's had any connection with Bertha Jorkins," he stood up, and nodded.

"Dismissed."

* * *

**Somewhat semi-serious chapter. **

**Oh who am I kidding. **

**Mrawgirl09**


	36. Chapter 35

**On fia!! Or so I hope... . I just don't wan to do my English homework. Bleh. Stupid Eng Teach. **

**I'm still tired though. Maybe it's cause I spend so much time in front of my computer. Oh wells. Oh yeah, Do any of you know where I could watch FMA Brotherhood? I keep missing the time, and though I could prolly catch the double episode this evening I don't know if my mom'll let me. Ugh. The things I do (and I'd do) for FMA.**

**Oh yes. I remember telling someone that Hughes was dead in this fic. I made a mistake. Hughes is not dead. :D Sorry !! I need him in my last chapter. **

**

* * *

**

I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**KrWng - Yes she is....... though she wasn't that one. I think. She got caught somewhere after the second and before the third, so I don't know. Heheheh. **

**Sphia - Ahah... hah Sorry. Nope, I'm sure Moody - I mean Crouch Jr isn't going to say anything, and Harry's with Viktor, believing that Crouch Sr just attacked the Durmstrang! Sorry again for the scene. Though I do like yaoi, I don't like incest, so ... I guess it's a similar feeling. Besides, Ed agreed. Aww, the poor Ladybug. It just happened to be on the wrong side of the window at the wrong time. Uh... HUH. Right. Rita. .... ... I sincerely hope that HPFMA universe is not real then. **

**HrHym - XD Thanks!**

**Sclow - I don't really care. I say it's worth it. I'm going to save it first and then maybe print them out chapter per chapter so mom or teachers (if I print at school) don't really notice. :D**

**Satoz - Yes, Yes it was. I just love Ed fooling people, so my version of Edward is a very VERY good actor. XD Probably. Maybe. ... I don't know, really. :D**

**HstSl - XD Thanks!!**

**TrstD - Ahahah!! Thanks!! XD I guess, but it's just me and the story needing to have _some_ kind of plot, and HP usually tends to have a serious BG plot. So.... ehehehe....**

**LMstr - :D XD :D Heheh Yes they are, Yes they were. XD **

**Pippy - Aww thanks! It seems I just needed some sleep (I slept for 15 hours and I'm still tired)**

**

* * *

**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I don't own HP or FMA, characters or plotline. This story is more like a subplot .... enjoy, and please _REVIEW_.

A scream rang throughout the air.

"Wasn't that Ms. Fleur?" asked Alphonse. Ed nodded faintly, and saw a red light flare up into the sky form somewhere in the south.

"She must have some trouble then..."

The third challenge had started not so long ago, and the brothers were absolutely hopelessly lost in this gigantic maze. They tried transmuting the ground, but the hedges seemed to grow along with them.

So instead they decided to take a walk; they didn't really need to win or anything, it wasn't really their choice in the beginning anyways.

"I just realized, Ed," said Alphonse suddenly, "how are we supposed to send off a red light if we don't have a wand?"

The brothers grew silent.

Edward snickered.

Alphonse chuckled.

They were stuck. Or at least until someone won and got rid of the hedges.

"… I guess that only leaves us to wander around, completely fucking lost," shrugged Edward, his face already ashen at the thought of staying in the goddamn maze until someone or another got to the goddamn cup.

Then he saw it coming. "What is _that?!_"

The 'thing' was some sort of a rhino-crab, a … _thing_, with six sharp legs and a rocky shell, no eyes visible as it glowed bright red.

"I have no idea, but it looks like a mutated crab?" said Alphonse, more as a question than an answer.

"Ack! It spits fire!!"

It was true, though there wasn't anywhere where it seemed to red fire-lava was seemingly flowing down the body, except for a very dangerous looking scorpion-ish tail at the back that seemed to glow almost purple. Whatever it did, it was nothing good.

"What the-"

Then it attacked.

Tackling towards them blindly, it gave no time to dodge.

"Al! Watch out!!"

"Aaaah!" Alphonse was caught off-guard, and the thing got to Al's hand before he could dodge. Edward picked up a small rock (not a pebble, _rock_) and threw it at the thing's legs, eyes widening as he saw it crumple when it hit the monster.

"Damn it!" It did, however, seem to attract the devil, as it 'turned' and headed towards Edward.

Ed clapped, waited for the thing to get into his range, and slammed his hands onto the ground, transmuting a rough hand-like shape to hold the thing down.

"Gotcha!"

It crackled irritatedly and spit fire, but other than that, it didn't move.

Sighing in relief, Edward moved towards Alphonse.

"Alphonse! Are you alright?" He checked the injured hand. It was horrid; the skin forwent the process of being burnt and having blisters, and went straight to being cooked.

"Damn, that's some burn…" Ed muttered an apology as Al hissed in pain when his fingers brushed the air at his wound. "We'll just have to find that cup quickly before it gets infected or something."

They nodded, and with Alphonse cradling his hand, they made two turns further into the maze when they ran into something.

Well, it was more _something_ ran _through_ Edward.

"Gahah!!" Ed felt his body shrivel as something ice cold went past his spleen.

"Hello there," said a laughing voice behind the two. Edward glared at the gleeful ghost as he passed them once again -this time between the brothers- to his original position.

Alphonse seemed to recognize the man… ghost. "Hey, you're that-"

"Yes, yes, the 'Nearly-Headless Nick'," said Nick, jerking his head in disapproval.

His head nearly fell off.

Ed gagged.

Al however, looked thoughtful. "… I thought your name was Sir Nicholas?"

The ghost blinked, and smiled warmly, and took a bow. Ed gagged again. "Yes, but no student in our school calls me it, sadly."

"Well that's rude of them, I-"

"Can we get on with the task so we can heal my brother of the burn?" asked Edward irritatedly, trying to stop himself from gagging the third time when Nick placed his dangling neck on his shoulders.

The ghost glowed pink for a second, before talking. "This is one of the quickest ways to go to the center of the maze. To pass here, you must solve the riddle I give you," a paper floated towards them, "you only get one guess each."

"And if we just decide to go through you?" said Edward, snatching the paper from the air.

Nick stepped to the side and gestured Ed to pass.

Edward took a step past the ghost to be thrown back to where he was unceremoniously.

"Right." Ed staggered up, ignoring Al's giggle. "Let's have it, then."

They looked at the paper and read down the riddle.

_---_

_I am born with four pillars,_

_Two of each I do not own._

_I am life, within it another,_

_An endless death hiding in its shell._

_---_

_I am a trap with sharpened teeth,_

_Grasping everything just to release._

_I am a whirlwind, a biological fire,_

_Crushing the deadliest merely with a touch._

_I am a vacuum with an entrance_

_Anything that enters is nothing._

_I am a watch which is always late,_

_A moss-covered stone in the bottom of a lake._

_I am a golden medal shined to transparency_

_A symbol of extravagance, a useless weight_

_I am a virus, a plague, an uncontrollable fire_

_Consequence unleashed without a beginning_

_I am a deadly cycle, a road to and from,_

_Grudge beholds the one who exacts._

_---_

_I am the strongest with impenetrable skin,_

_A skin so tender fit for the weakest._

_I will die with nothing,_

_Twice the time I have earned._

_---_

**

* * *

**

Well? Can you guess?

**It's really crappy, though. **

**I made this riddle up cause I was too lazy to look up a suitable riddle that didn't sound idiotic and that wasn't too easy for the brothers. **

**I tried, though. **

**EPIC FAIL.**

**So there. Crappy hand-made riddle. Bleh.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	37. Chapter 36

**Not even a day since the last update. XD**

**I have it all written down, ready for upload until the third last chapter! XD I think.**

**YAYZE!!**

**I still want as many reviews as possible, so if you came here without reviewing the last chapter could you PLEASE go back and do so? It's really crucial cause this here has the answer to the riddle before. You NEED to think about it before you look at the answer!! XD**

**It goes the same for the rest of the chapters. Even though I might update loads at the time, I really really wish that you'd review each and every chapter!! PLEASE!!!**

**I'm going to take the very last chapter as hostage. I don't care if it turns out not worth it. I really want those reviews!!**

**Oh, and it seems there was a lot of confusion about the riddle.**

**I honestly don't have an idea on how riddles are made, so I just did it in my spare time, five hours straight. I tried to make it extra hard, cause it's supposed to be hard enough for the two geniuses, and I ended up with this. I really hope it is good enough to get your approval. If you don't know what I mean by the hard riddle, GO BACK!!!**

**DON'T LOOK UNLESS YOU HAVE AN ANSWER!! EVEN IF IT'S WRONG!! PLEASE!!**

**I also think that the chapters from now on will stay around 900 words. I think. Well, at least until around the last few chapters. Last chapter, which will be an epilogue and a secret chapter, will be _quite_ long. I believe. Eheheheh.**

**

* * *

**

I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

TSpAl - Thanks, and thank you!! XD Animeseason, hmm..

**KrWng - XD Thanks!! I hope it isn't TOO hard.... after the explanations....**

**Annms - I honestly have no idea what you wanted to say. Does that mean that I have typo, or that you don't understand the riddle? **

**Sphia - Heheh, ghosts can't hold things. Nick wasn't holding it. It was floating, like the parchment that Rita has around. They could have done the 'platform rise-y uppy thing', but like I mentioned before, they tried it, and the walls grew along with them. So it's logical that the invisible wall also grows along. Your convo... actualyl made me worry. Maybe I made it too hard? Maybe it has a hole I'm not aware of? D:**

* * *

**Ahem. Hem. Okay. Uhm. Right. So ..... Enjoy?**

* * *

Minutes, hours may have passed. The brothers were still brooding over what the words may point to.

It was too hard, even for the brothers: it was too broad, too ambiguous, there was not much hints- no clue as to how to solve it. It was definitely something quickly-made just for this occasion.

"This is hard…" Al muttered. "Brother… could this be a homunculus..?"

Ed's eyes narrowed. He'd thought of it before, but …

A light bulb went off. "… no… it's…" Ed looked at Nick. "It's Human."

Nick smiled and nodded approvingly, and gestured them to pass. "Correct."

As they hurried towards where they hoped were the center, Alphonse asked the question. "How did you know?"

"I am born with four pillars, two of each I do not own," recited Edward, "they are the parents that contribute to what you are, the two pillars that you depend on."

"What about the other two?"

"Your own two legs," said Edward, grinning ear to ear as Alphonse's face showed enlightenment, "Just like I say always, 'you have two strong legs, use them'."

"I am life, within it another," he continued, "I think it represents mothers, but I guess it could count for men as well."

Al nodded. "Life inside human body, ova for women, sperm for guys, baby for mothers,"

"An endless death hiding in its shell," said Ed, "in every life, there must be death, because-"

Al's eyes widened, and smiled in understanding. "-it's the natural flow of life: all is one, one is all."

"Right. I am the strongest with impenetrable skin, a skin so tender fit for the weakest," Ed recited on, "the tools we humans made to protect ourselves, they made us almost invincible against other animals, except, without them, we're next to dust, you know?"

"What about the part about twice the time?"

"Twice the time doesn't refer to years, but the things that take those years until death: age and experience."

"Okay," Al said, frowning as he mulled over the answers, "what about the middle parts? Aren't they the seven deadliest sins?"

"You're confusing them with the homunculi at _our_ country," smiled Edward. "They represent the seven deadliest sins that can be committed by humans, right? That's it; those seven deadliest sins are only present at the same time in a human's body."

"That's it?" Al asked. "But they fit in Homunculus too."

"It's just there to confuse you, there's one hint from the-"

Before he could finish his sentence, a thick wall of the hedges grew suddenly between the two brothers, almost cutting Alphonse.

"Brother?! Ed?!" Alphonse yelled, hoping that his voice may be carried over the hedge.

"I'm here-wack!!" Al paled. What was going on?

He looked at his burnt hand and frowned. He clapped, transmuted a scythe from the ground, and started hacking the wood. "Hang on, I'm coming through-whaa-?!"

A creature jumped out, lashing out with its hideous claws. It looked like wood, but Al wasn't sure with its green beady eyes.

"You're one ugly-looking creature," muttered Alphonse, steadying himself away from the thing. "Maybe you're one of those that bite, like Mister Mustang told me about?

* * *

"Stupid weird looking-flying-chimera-thingeys!" shouted Edward as he pried off blue flying pixies from his hair. "Ack!!" He took a handful of them in his hand, then another, and threw them into the hedges' vines, in which they were immediately tangled.

He glared at the remaining pixies.

"Git!!"

They were gone.

Ed turned quickly towards the hedge, hoping to hear something over it. "Al?!"

Thankfully, the reply was quick. "I'm here, brother-ack!"

"What?! What is it?!"

"Nothing, there's this wooden-thing trying to scratch me!"

"Damn it, I'm coming through-!" He clapped.

"No! Stop! It attacked me when I tried cutting through the hedges! We'll find another way-tch!"

"I got him, I got him!" came Al's voice. "He's run off, now- I think I'm bleeding."

Pause.

"I _am_ bleeding, damn it."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Great, come on, keep talking to me, we gotta find the next exit!"

"Right! …"

The brothers fell into silence.

"Speak to me, Al! We need to keep each other informed!"

"Uhh, so … uhh…" Al searched his mind for something to say. "How's it going with the guys asking you out?"

Ed remained silent for a minute. "They stopped, surprisingly," came the thoughtful voice. Al tensed for a moment, but soon relaxed when Ed's voice became lighter. "It seems like they got the idea, finally!"

"That's great!" grinned Al, "Lavender's been looking at me weirdly after the Yule ball, though…"

"Who cares … her?" said Ed. His voice became oddly smaller.

"Er… Ed?"

"I mean … … she… … d-Al!… sp…me! Aaaack!!"

"Ed? Brother?" Alphonse looked at the hedge in alarm. "Ed?!"

No response came.

Panicking, Alphonse ran up, taking the quickest left turn he could find. Thankfully, if he ran straight back, he could get to Edward quickly enough.

His mind halted when he saw a golden flash from his peripheral vision.

"Ed!" shouted Alphonse, having a double-take. It wasn't where Ed was supposed to be, but then his short-tempered brother might have taken a wrong route. "I thought we agreed on talking-"

Al stopped dead.

Ed didn't move. He was standing with his back to Alphonse, swaying strangely as if he couldn't balance on his two feet. Alphonse noted a pool of black-red liquid at Ed's feet, and felt his stomach sink in dread.

Just when he felt it, Ed collapsed onto the ground.

* * *

**"E-Ed…?"**

**I needed to cut Ed's explanation there. He talked about a hint differentiating Homunculus from Human. It's provided in his explanations. Can anyone figure it out? :D**

**Mrawgirl09**


	38. Chapter 37

**I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter. **

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

YtWlf - OMG. D8. That DOES MAKE SENSE!!! OMGOMGOMG!!! OH NOEZ. A HOLE. A RIDDLE HOLE. I'M DOOMED. ... Hulu? What's that? Do I search on Google?

**TSpAl - Oh dear. This is bad. Is it really that hard? Erm... So.... Okay, Erm... I'll explain it further.... later. Urm... at the end of this chapter. **

**Sphia - Hahah, no. Eeek!! XD Ed will never die!!! Well, not yet anyways. XD**

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews, and Enjoy!!**

* * *

_Ed didn't move. He was standing with his back to Alphonse, swaying strangely as if he couldn't balance on his two feet. Alphonse noted a pool of black-red liquid at Ed's feet, and felt his stomach sink in dread._

_Just when he felt it, Ed collapsed onto the ground._

_"E-Ed…?"_

* * *

Alphonse had gone quiet all of a sudden.

"Damn it, Al?!" Edward shouted. Silence. "Speak to me!! Alphonse-ack?!"

He winced in pain as he felt pieces of his flesh get bitten off.

The tiny bites hurt, the spit burning through, and even though he knew it probably wasn't going to be deadly, it was going to get some nasty bite marks.

"Damn fairies!"

The had come back. They probably tailed him until he was off guard, and even brought more friends just to annoy him.

"Grah!"

Ed tried to grab at the pixies, but they skillfully evaded his right hand, and bit his left whenever it got too near. He was getting tears in his uniform. Not good.

Ed searched for a way to get both his hands free enough to clap, but he wasn't sure he'd succeed any time soon.

* * *

Alphonse skidded to Ed's side, kneeling in the black-ish mud, holding Ed's head. It was limp.

"Ed…?" Al felt his eyes water. The golden irises stared up lifelessly. "Say something… Ed…"

Tears fell onto Ed's face, flowing down the pale cheeks.

"Stop kidding, come on," pleaded Alphonse, "Ed, please…"

Ed didn't respond. His head lolled about as Alphonse shifted, his eyes starting to close in post-rigor mortis. "Ed-no, please, no, you can't do this to me-" Alphonse was sobbing now. "Ed, come on- please-"

He hugged the corpse, tears still pouring down. "Come on- Ed-" he reached to grab his brother's hands. "W-we s-s-still need t-to get you y-your …"

Al froze in his place. The tears stopped flowing in shock. Edward's hands...

He checked 'Ed's face. They still didn't look like they were recognizing anything.

He turned towards the hands he were holding.

No gloves.

No metal.

No automail.

Not Ed.

As soon as this thought flashed through his mind, he jumped away from the corpse, eyes wide and his limbs trembling. 'Ed's eyes turned to look at him. Alphonse felt the hair at the back of his neck stand up. _It_ started to move about, and the arm in question turned slowly into the familiar metal prosthetic that started to fall apart.

It was turning into something else that Alphonse would know he'd dread if he'd seen it.

But now that Alphonse knew what he was dealing with, that he knew that it wasn't real, it was somewhat easier to put aside his breaking heart.

As if reading his mind, the _thing_ started to shape another familiar figure. Blonde hair, black clothing, striking golden eyes boring into his own, blood dripping onto the ground…

"You're not Ed… you're just another one of those sick creatures!!" Alphonse yelled, picked up the discarded stone knife nearby and, jumping past the creature, he stabbed the knife through the heart of his own image.

Panting, Al looked down at the staring eyes of his own face, twisted into a menacing grin.

He shook his head. He wasn't one of _them_. He was a human. He had a soul. Alphonse Elric was real.

The grin on the 'dead' body seemed to say otherwise.

Discarding the train of thoughts, Alphonse ran back out of the passage and continued on towards where he'd last heard his _real_ brother.

"Ed?! Ed!!"

The Boggart dragged its injured body back into the nearby chest, smearing its black blood on the ground as it did.

* * *

"Ed!"

"Ack! Al!! Here!!" When he arrived at the scene, Alphonse snorted at the hilarious reality that so ironically juxtaposed his recent living nightmare.

His brother, the real Edward, was being pulled apart by a giant mass of mischievous pixies, biting and scratching everywhere they could see.

"Stay right there!! I'm coming!!" he laughed.

Ed growled in irritation as one of the little devils punched him in the eye. "Al!! Do something about these-these _things!!_"

Alphonse couldn't stop laughing. "Pixies, brother!" He grabbed a handful of the pixies.

"What_ever!!_" yelled Edward, grabbing another handful, "just get them off me!!"

Soon the brothers each had a handful of biting and scratching pixies. They tried transmuting a cage from the ground, but the array proved to be too difficult for feet.

Alphonse glanced at Edward. Ed frowned, but shrugged. Al sighed, and together, they thrust their hands into the hedge-vines, burying them deep into the woods that soon moved into trapping them. Alphonse's hand was soon cut out from the thorns by his brother, the burnt hand bleeding in several places.

It looked outright like a piece of abused meat.

"I hope we didn't kill them all or anything," said Alphonse, wincing as Edward plucked out the last remaining of the thorns. His brother had transmuted again a piece of his coat into a long red bandage, wrapping his burnt hand, his other scratched hand, and the bleeding neck from his 'fight' with the wooden Bowtruckle a while before.

"I doubt it," said Edward, also wrapping a piece of bandage around his left hand and wrist, "but they're nothing but pests; they were no trouble, just annoying."

"But _you_ look like crap," he said, glaring up at the other teen, drenched in Boggart blood and in mud. "What happened?"

Alphonse smiled nervously and scratched his head. "It's okay, brother, it's not my blood."

"Blood?!" shouted Edward, his face pale. "I thought it was ink!"

"Ink?" Al finally looked down at himself, and noticed that the warmth on his shirt was indeed not blood but rather a sticky-looking ink-like substance. "I guess it has black blood then…"

"You smell like tar," Ed scowled after sniffing Al. "Just _what_ did you do?"

"It's nothing, I'll tell you later," said Al. Ed didn't relax his frown. "Can we just please go and get this done and over with?" Al begged.

"Fine, but you're not escaping me that easily," said Edward, crossing his arms.

"I never would have dreamt of it," replied Alphonse.

And so they continued their journey towards the middle of the maze.

* * *

**Ed didn't die!!**

**Oh yeah. The riddle.**

**So. The answer is Human.**

**Two pillars are your own two legs.**

**Two others are each from your mother and father. They provide the emotional support. If either one crumbles you don't stand well. .. . mentally.**

**The resurrection thingy .... death within life etc... is explained by Ed and Al from Izumi's teachings...**

**The middle are my interpretation of the Seven Deadliest Sins, NOT in the FMA style.**

**The bottom is .... .uh. Humans have developped tools, and armors to protect itself from the wild. Without this protection, I doubt they'd last for long.**

**The last two sentences are two things I really respect from humans in regards to the time they spend. Age and Experience. Age means wisdom, and experience is something that is non-transferrable. In any way. It's yours, your possession, your treasure.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	39. Chapter 38

**I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter. **

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

YtWlf - WOOHOO! XD You found it!! XD YAY!! XDXDXD As for Lust's 'biological fire'... I meant to refer to the sins themselves, not the Seven Sins of the Amestrian Homunculi. So, it doesn't really have the under-meaning of a philosopher's stone. So it still fits! It's mainly the lust in humans, not Lust the homunculus.

**SptAl - Ahehe, Thanks!! XD And.. .No. :D Al already made critical hit, and so the Boggart is going to go and stay in the chest to lick its wounds. **

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!! Yawn.

* * *

Again, they were hopelessly lost.

"_Now_ where are we?!" shouted Edward. He looked around, but there was no inkling that the passages were getting longer or shorter to take.

Alphonse tried to placate his brother. "Calm _down_, brother! We've walked far enough, we should be there by- Viktor-!" His eyes widened.

Viktor Krum was sprawled out in the middle of a large area, just out near yet another passage. A red light was shining above him, but seeing as the student wasn't conscious, Ed and Al doubted that it was he who made the signal.

Alphonse ran to the lying body, Edward following closely behind.

When they got to the body, however, they saw Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory about to hold the cup at the same time.

The time seemed to stop.

Alphonse stared.

They stared back. Their eyes were wide in surprise, and when they saw Edward glaring wide-eyed from next to Viktor, they opened their mouths.

"It's not-"

"We didn't-"

"Harry Potter? Cedric Diggory?!" Alphonse cut them off. Harry shook his head, pale, but Alphonse didn't see it. He didn't feel Edward pull on his sleeve when he unconsciously advanced towards the two champions. "I thought you guys were- I never-!!"

Al drew back a punch, first aiming at Cedric.

"Al!!" Edward got hold of Al's waist, but it was only after his brother had gripped Cedric's shirt.

Ed saw Harry nod and Cedric nod back from his peripheral vision. Al didn't.

He was going completely berserk.

"Let me _go_!_ Let me-!!_"

When Al's fist connected with Cedric's face, the world blurred into a flurry of colors, and everyone felt a strange sensation of being pulled around their bellybutton.

* * *

They landed with a thump, and Edward, Alphonse and Cedric all collapsed on one another from the landing.

"What-" said Harry, staggering on his feet.

Suddenly, a green light flashed at the three students on the ground. Harry immediately knew what curse it was. "No…"

He saw, without being able to move, the beam hit Ed's chest and magnify, covering all three bodies before it disappeared into the ground.

Harry was shaking.

Everyone was dead.

Even if the other two didn't, Edward _was_ dead.

* * *

Cedric was confused. Why was he still alive?

The first thing he saw after coming here was the green light engulfing him.

Avada Kedavra.

Why was he still alive?

"Wh-" He felt a rock hit his head. Stars shone in front of his eyes. Focusing more, he saw the golden irises from a familiar angry teen from above him.

"Shut up," Ed growled in a low voice. "Play dead."

"_What?_" came another whispered voice from below him, probably being Alphonse, squished under the weight.

"_Whatever that was, it was meant to kill, I'm pretty sure,_" Ed hissed, and added quickly when they heard footsteps towards them. "K_eep quiet and keep still!_"

Soon after that, Cedric saw Ed's eyes die, _literally die_. The irises dimmed in color, the pupils were staring at nothing, and his breathing stopped. Cedric, repressing his urge to cry out in disgust and move the corpse away from him, closed his eyes and pretended as well as he could that he were dead.

Footsteps came closer.

Someone tried to pry Edward off Cedric. Ed held on, and the Hufflepuff was afraid that it would get their cover blown, but surprisingly, the figure relented and sighed something like 'stupid rigor mortis'.

Cedric cracked open his eyes, feigning death, and had to bite his tongue to stop himself from gasping when he saw the famous Wormtail, frail and ugly, move around the three 'corpses'. He moved on to Ed's right arm, the only most visible one in the tangled mess, and checked for the pulse.

Cedric bit the inside of his cheeks. They were going to be found out…

"It seems like you've got all of them in one shot, my lord…" said Wormtail, surprising him. How did Edward stop his pulse?

There were hissing noises which he couldn't understand, and then, suddenly, he was pulled back to reality when Ed's eyes returned to their original hue.

"_Al, grab Diggory._"

One moment he felt a hand grab onto his own, then another wrap around the two, and then he felt again the familiar sensation of a portkey.

* * *

They landed in another heap.

It was quiet, utterly quiet.

Edward jumped up. "We're back," he whispered. Cedric groaned and rolled off Alphonse, apologizing as he felt Al's fingers get crushed underneath his weight.

Ed pointed at him. "You! Send the signal! We need to alert the others!"

So he did.

* * *

The maze disappeared in a moment. There was nothing but green grass and a mass of people who ran towards them in panic. The first to arrive was Professor Mustang.

"What happened?!" he barked. "You just suddenly disappeared!!"

Ed scowled, and shouted over the other man. "Medic!!"

"That-that Triwizard cup is some kind of teleportation device!" said Cedric, who was already getting up to his feet. The Hufflepuffs flocked him, asking about who had won.

Alphonse nodded in agreement. "We were sent to a graveyard, and this person shot green jets of magic at us! We would have been dead if it wasn't for Ed-"

"Enough," interrupted Mustang, holding up his hand. There was no need to bring up Ed's arm or leg. They were so close to the end of the year already.

Al nodded again, before he was dragged off by his brother out of the circling crowd.

Edward was still looking for Ms Pomfrey. When he did, however, he ignored the protests about his own scratches and shoved his brother into her arms, and left her fuming with the words 'fix him- please' behind.

"What?!" shouted a voice in the crowd. It was McGonagall, probably. "That's not possible! The Triwizard cup was kept safely and securely in-"

"There's no time!" Shouted Cedric suddenly. Ed tensed. He did _not_ like that tone of voice. "Harry's still there, with Wormtail -he's still alive and working for He-who-must-not-be-named- Harry needs our help this instant!!"

Ed's eyes widened. He quickened his pace into a sprint.

The crowd was too thick, and Ed only saw Cedric reach for the handle.

"You get away from that cup damnit-nodon'ttouchityet-!!"

When he arrived at the center of the circle of stunned wizards, Cedric Diggory was gone, as was the Triwizard cup.

Ed kicked the ground.

His left foot dug into the earth.

"_That IDIOT!!!_" His voice rang through the night.

* * *

Harry Potter had come back from the graveyard, surprisingly intact, spare from a cut on his knee and his arm.

Edward was outside the circle this time, letting the others surround the Boy-who-lived while he was resting by his brother's side, letting Ms Pomfrey fret about not showing his right arm.

Mustang was next to him as well, glaring half-heartedly at the mass of people as they waited for a sign.

It came in a sorrowful wail, low murmurs and distant sobs.

Ed grit his teeth.

"I knew it… he's… he's dead…"

He stood up and walked away. Alphonse, seeing his brother move, got up and followed him.

Mustang looked like he wanted to say something, but remained still. Until Dumbledore came looking for him.

**

* * *

**

OMG. Cedric is an IDIOT.

**:D**

**Mrawgirl09**


	40. Chapter 39

**Whoops. I almost didn't update this chapter. :D I almost skipped.**

**13 reviews in a row. WOW. Nevermind most of it's from the same person. XD**

**

* * *

**

I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

**YtWlf - Thank you!! :D Thank you!! I will check it out!! ... soon.**

**Sphia - Yes, that would make it funnier. XD**

**KrWng - Aheh, no. The answer is in the bottom. :D**

**Trnva PM - :D I'm... sorry? :D I hope you catch up fast, cause I'm already almost done!! XD **

**TSpAl - Sparklepire? Is that Cedric? :D**

**KrWng - :D Like I said. IDIOT.**

**HrHym - :D Sorry. XD _ Moi? Poetic? Never!! XD **

**LMstr - :D Cause I'm sadistic. XD**

**Chris - WOW. You didn't review since the second chapter, and I thought you gave up on meeeeeeeeee!!! DDX I'm SO glad you're back. .. . though, It's kind of lame already cause I'm ... like,,, this is the second last chapter, .... not counting the epilogue. D: XD**

**Nope, Al was implying that they would look like a couple having a serious fight (since Ed looks like a girl). XD**

**Oh, oh, oh! XD IT DOES go on even more!! XD The misunderstanding (or maybe it's deliberate?) goes on for..... I don't know, about 20 chapterS? XD**

**Kkk, Roy does look like a pedophile already anyways.**

**XD Burnt Mandrake.**

**Yes, Yup, they are all peeping toms. I don't know what Mustang was doing, though. XD **

**Aheheh, yes and no. It's the quill that does it, not Rita herself. XD As for the nails... :D I guess, since my fourth left kinda just collapsed in one side.. :D ..........**

**:D XD XDXDXD It comes out a lot. And you're only at chp 10 there! XD **

**:D Actually he was hit by the dragon's tail.... at the end, that is.**

**:D Very much. I will!!**

**Sclow - I don't know, how stupider _could_ he get? XD except now we'll never know cause he's dead.**

**Annms - He is. :D**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!!

* * *

Edward grumbled as he missed a step in the stone wall.

"You don't have _anyone_ to blame this on, brother," said Alphonse sagely from below, "This is all your fault."

Ed grumbled a curse in response.

They were currently scaling the walls of Hogwarts, going right around the DADA teacher's office. They looked from the side. Moody was rambling on and on about something they couldn't really hear.

"…! – You're mad!" shouted Harry, who was sitting on a chair, facing the professor.

Ed and Al glanced at each other and nodded. Edward climbed up the window and swung his automail leg.

"Mad, am I? We'll see! We'll see who's mad, now that the Dark Lord has returned, with me at his side! He is back, Harry Potter, you did not conquer him – and now, -- I conquer you-!"

_CRASH_

"What-" Moody's eyes went straight to the window, as did Harry's, as two golden blurs dashed into the room.

Moody whipped his wand around, sending flashes of green to everywhere the small blonde teen ran to, oblivious to Alphonse, who had plucked Harry right out of his chair and dumped him behind the teacher's desk.

The brothers joined together and soon proceeded to jumping, cartwheeling, and twisting around the different spells, much to Moody's irritation.

Suddenly, Edward kicked the man's hand, dropping the wand, which Alphonse snatched it away by rolling over it, and twisted his legs so that it tripped the older man onto his back. Unfortunately, he fell over Edward.

Harry winced automatically when Moody's body fell backwards, and looked back in confusion when the slam and crack of breaking bones didn't come.

Edward had twisted his legs yet again, rolling their bodies in mid-air so that Moody fell on his face, and Edward landed on top of him.

Edward clapped, transmuted a blade from the stone floor, and held it dangerously close to Moody's neck, pulling the man's head back by his hair.

Alphonse in turn aimed the procured wand at the man's face, the tip already forming a white center of the beginning of a spell.

Moody groaned, and Harry almost felt sorry for the man.

Ed growled. "Don't move or the blade g-"

_Slam_

"Stupefy!"

Edward and Alphonse saw the world go red as they fell unconscious.

Harry gaped.

There were four professors standing in the doorway, wands out and pointing in every direction… and two white-gloved hands outstretched to snap.

"It seems we are a bit late, Albus," muttered Roy, not yet lowering both his hands from a snapping position.

"What- how-they-he-" Harry knew he sounded stupid, but he couldn't find the right word.

Mustang raised his eyebrow, and the Gryffindor blushed in embarrassment.

"I'm sure they have sufficient reasons as to why they acted the way they did," laughed Dumbledore, and turned to the black-haired professor, "won't they, Roy?"

"Not now," growled Mustang in response.

"Yes, of course."

Professor McGonagall stepped into the office, huffing in anger as she stepped aside the three unconscious bodies. "Your wounds are in dire need of being treated, Mr. Potter, let's go-"

"Let him stay, Minerva," interrupted Dumbledore.

"But-"

"He will stay, Minerva, because he needs to understand," said Dumbledore curtly. "Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. He needs to know who has put him through the ordeal he has suffered tonight, and why. Not to mention," he turned his head to Mustang, "he needs to know just why those two young boys saved his life."

The Assistant Professor scowled, but otherwise remained silent.

McGonagall was about to protest again when Dumbledore spoke up. "Actually, Minerva, could you go to Hagrid's hut, and there will be a black dog, apart from Fang. Take the big dog there to my office, and tell it that I will be there shortly?" McGonagall looked like she was about to argue, but calmed her features and stomped out. Dumbledore merely chuckled and turned to the Potions Master. "Severus, I want you to go to the kitchen and bring us the houseelf called Winky," he said, "and a vial of your strongest veritaserum." Snape stared at the man with steady eyes before turning and striding away towards the kitchen.

Mustang coughed. "It would be nice if you would wake my- boys … up before you do anything else, Albus."

"Why, of course." Dumbledore pointed his wand at Edward and then at Alphonse. "_Ennervate_," he pronounced at each.

Both woke up, groaning.

"Oh damn…" muttered Edward. "Did anyone get the truck of the number that hit me?"

Harry could not help but snicker.

"Stop whining, Fullmetal," growled Mustang, "and get your butt off the ground."

Ed glared at the Assistant Professor, but did as he was told, picking his brother up in the process. "I thought we weren't supposed to talk with titles…. What happened, anyways-" And then his eyes went wide, realizing something. "Moody!"

"-is right there, on the floor, unconscious," drawled Mustang.

Dumbledore chuckled, and moved on to unlocking a giant suitcase which had seven locks on it. One by one, he opened them up. The rest of the people in the office grew more and more surprised as more and more cases were revealed.

Finally, Dumbledore opened the seventh lock.

"What the fuck!" shouted Edward, "how the _hell_-!?"

Alphonse gaped as well. "You were right, brother- he _was_ an imposter-"

Inside the seventh trunk, was the real Alastor moody – they guessed – laying immobile, barley breathing, skinny to the bones, and hair cut at random places to the scalp.

"Polyjuice Harry, Edward," said Dumbledore, "you see the simplicity of it, and the brilliance. For Moody never does drink except from his hip flask. He's well known for it. The imposter needed, of course, to keep the real moody close by, so that he could continue making the potion. You see his hair…"

Just then, the 'imposter' Moody started changing his appearance.

His prosthetic leg came off, and the original grew.

Ed's eyes bugged out. "Holy SHIT!!"

The face became rounder, younger. The eye popped out, and rolled around on the floor.

Al flinched away from the rolling eye. "That _thing_ is still moving-"

Soon after, there, where an old auror once been, lay a young man of around mid twenties. Just then McGonagall had returned, and so did Snape and 'Winky', voicing out their shock.

Dumbledore put the man onto the chair, somewhat sitting up, and accepted the veritaserum from Snape.

Harry immediately recognized that it was what Snape had threatened him with.

Dumbledore dripped three drops of the clear liquid onto the man's tongue.

"Ennervate," he flicked his wands. "Can you hear me?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

The man's eyes flickered.

"Yes," he muttered.

Ed, Al and Mustang shared a look amongst themselves to never speak of the drug back in Amestris.

"I would like you to tell us," said Dumbledore softly, "how you came to be here. How did you escape Azkaban?"

* * *

**WHOOP! XD Two more till this is DONE and OVER with, and XD it's WRITING OPFMA TIME!!!!!! XD (One Piece x Full Metal Alchemist)**

**Mrawgirl09**


	41. Chapter 40

**WOOT!**

**Second last!! .... I think. Uhm. wait. SHOOT! Nope, Third to last. Damn. **

**The second last chapter will be VERY short, though. **

**Damn. **

**Uhm. Right. uhhh.... XD**

**

* * *

**

I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

* * *

After Bartemius Crouch Jr.'s confession, which Edward wrote down by transmuting paper and ink nearby, they (Harry, Elric brothers, Mustang, McGonagall, Snape –after returning Winky to the kitchen- and Dumbledore) moved to Dumbledore's office.

"Now, tell us who you are, Mr. Edward and Alphonse Elrics," said Dumbledore gently, smiling as he leant on his hands on top of his desk.

"If that is your true identity," growled Snape.

Ed and Al looked at Mustang, to which he nodded.

"Our names _are_ Edward and Alphonse Elric," snapped Edward, "but we aren't students from Beauxbatons or Durmstrang."

"We're not students at all," Alphonse quipped.

They saluted the office, much to the two professors and the student's surprise. "We are Lieutenant-Colonel Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist," presented Edward, pointing at himself, "and Major Elric," he pointed at Al, "the Redstone Alchemist of the Amestrian State Military."

"And I am Roy Mustang, their Superior Officer, Colonel, and the Flame Alchemist," said Roy, from behind the two. "We were sent to three schools to find out about a body found in Amestrian ground," he continued, "the state wouldn't have bothered if the body of Bertha Jorkins was not identified a witch and was _missing half of the lower body_," Harry winced at the animosity.

"You-but you are just boys!" exclaimed McGonagall, her pale face even more so from shock. "Have you drunk a de-ageing potion, or a polyjuice potion?!"

"I'm afraid we don't know how to make any of the potions mentioned, ma'am, especially where to get the ingredients." Ed lied smoothly. Of _course_ he knew how and where to get them. The will just didn't occur to him. "We _are_ 15," he pointed at himself, "and 14," he pointed at Al.

"I can't believe this," McGonagall shook her head, and turned to Mustang with even more anger. "Does your military recruit _children_ as soldiers?!"

"They applied for the position, ma'am, and they passed the exam with flying colors," Mustang scowled, "the military does not deny prodigies; I'm afraid anything else is military secret."

"I see," nodded Dumbledore, cutting McGonagall's further protests, "thank you for stopping Mr. Bartemius Crouch Jr. from killing Mr. Potter in time, Misters Elrics." He stood up from behind his desk, and bowed.

Ed grimaced, and shrugged.

"We'd been tailing him ever since the first task," he grumbled. Harry, on the other hand, looked utterly bewildered. Since back then?! "I had suspicions about his having prosthetic limbs that don't match his leg."

"But the polyjuice potion copies exactly the body-"

"It doesn't mean it copies exactly the port of the prosthetic," Ed cut Snape off with a smirk, "which is technically not a part of the body. He must have just plugged in anything he could find. Amateur."

Snape lifted an eyebrow in suspicion. "And you know this how-?"

Mustang wanted to slap his forehead. This far without showing his automail and-

"Best friend's a prosthetic mechanic," Ed shrugged, "you learn things even though you don't want to."

Mustang almost sighed in relief, but held it in when he saw the smirk Ed sent in his direction. Instead, he sent a death glare of his own.

Feeling others' stares on him, he filed his revenge for later and resumed his professional poise. "We have the skull of Mr. Bartemius Crouch Sr. We'll hand it over to the ministry before we go."

The three Amestrians turned to walk out of the office when Harry called upon the Elric brothers.

"C-can I ask you why you saved me…?"

Ed looked back at the Boy-who-lived, then looked at Alphonse, and turned around, crossing his arms.

"If you're thinking it had anything to do with your being famous as the 'chosen one', or being one of our 'friends'," he quoted with his fingers, ignoring the jab on his side from Alphonse, "you're wrong. We were here on a mission, and we merely acted on saving at least one more life. You just happened to be that one."

Harry seemed flushed by Ed's blunt bite, but Snape seemed to be eerily pleased with what he'd just heard.

"It's the least we could do," said Alphonse awkwardly. "We only saw from afar the murder of Mr. Crouch Sr. and we couldn't stop … that guy… the 'Dark Lord'?… from getting Cedric… Diggory… killed…"

Harry flushed again in apology of bringing it up. "They weren't your-"

"Nonetheless," interrupted Dumbledore, "thank you."

Ed stared at the Headmaster, and then snorted, much to McGonagall's shock.

"Yeah, whatever," he said, frowning. "Let's go, Al."

With that, the brothers disappeared through the doors of the Headmaster's office.

Mustang sighed. "I apologize for my subordinate's rudeness," he said, "if you'll excuse me," and slipped out the doors as well.

* * *

Only days later, Dumbledore was on his way to the Great Hall for the last feast in memory of Cedric Diggory when he was stopped by a shout from behind him.

"Yes, Mr. Elric?" he asked, turning around to face the panting youth.

Ed put up one white-gloved hand to hold him. Dumbledore noticed that Edward wasn't wearing his… the Beauxbatons school uniform anymore, but wore a crimson-red coat over a very black leather set of jeans and jacket. And, instead of the brown classic shoes he wore a very unusual black leather boots.

"Just Ed," the blonde gasped, "do you know what is going to happen to Crouch Jr.?"

"I'm sure he will get the punishment he deserves, Mr.- Edward," assured Dubledore, not really wanting to go through the whole process with a young man, a soldier even less.

"Yes, but I want to know _how_," insisted Ed.

"In his case, he would most appropriately be given the Dementor's Kiss, or so Minister Fudge would say," said Dumbledore, smiling weakly.

"A kiss?" Ed raised his eyebrow.

Dumbledore chuckled mirthlessly. "Dementor's Kiss is the severest of punishments that can be given out, Edward," he explained. "A Dementor is a magical being that lives on others' misery, bringing forth the most horrific memory of a person," Dumbledore noted the way Ed's eyes widened in shock. "Its face is shrouded with a cloak, and no one knows what a Dementor's face looks like, as the only time they will see a Dementor's face is when they receive the Kiss."

Ed gulped, and strained his face to remain somewhat neutral. "So what does it do, exactly?"

Dumbledore sighed. "There is presumably a hole, where the Dementor sucks out the victim's soul, leaving behind an empty shell of flesh and blood, still living and breathing," he paused, and smiled sadly, "some call it the punishment worse than death."

Edward fell silent.

Dumbledore looked away. He made a cheerful atmosphere, and said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe there is a last feast in the Great Hall," Ed looked up, startled. Dumbledore nodded towards the hall. "Will you be joining us?"

Before Ed could answer, a hand placed itself on his shoulder. "Thank you for your hospitality, Professor Dumbledore, but we really must be going back to our country now," said Mustang from behind him. Ed didn't have the strength to argue. His mind was whirring with the information given, trying to decide … something.

Dumbledore stared softly at the young man, before smiling up at the older. "Well then, I wish all of you a bon voyage," he nodded in adieu and walked into the Hall.

* * *

**:D The next chapter will be fluffy Parental-like.... :D**

**Or as fluffy as it gets my hands shriveled up.**

**Mrawgirl09**


	42. Chapter 41

**Right. Last main chapter. :D **

**Fuzzy cute thingie ahead!!! XD**

**Now, if any of you didn't review past chapters, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE could you do it? :D PLEASE?**

**

* * *

**

I don't own. Not FMA, nor Harry Potter.

**Some confusion may occur, please tell me and I'll try to explain.**

**Prolly lots of cussing, especially since it's ED we're talking about.**

**There will be some hints about Boylove, mainly RoyEd cause I'm a fan like that. It won't be explicit, and all hints of pairings... okay, all hints of RoyEd is ultimately for humour. **_**Humor**_**. whatever. It's for fun. Don't take it seriously.**

**Rating. The day I move this fic to M Rating is the day I get 10 reviews saying 'change it to M!'. I trust ye people to be calm about some cussing and some nekkidness. No scenes, people. Remember, T. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.**

**I'm keeping the main story around two pages limit, even if I have to cut it in the middle of something.**

**Anyways.**

**

* * *

**

Chris - Kkkkk I love that part as well. I should have known Ed would take a liking to redheads. XD

**YtWlf - Kkkk I don't know. I don't think so. XD Ed like his own clothes.**

**APoP - I don't know how to make your name five letters. :D Sorry. Aww, now Cedric's been damned. :D He's dead already anyways. XD**

**

* * *

**

Enjoy the fluffiness!! The Parental!! XD The CUTENESS!!

* * *

The train was empty, as the students were still at the Great Hall of Hogwarts for the last feast before they were sent back to their home.

In a compartment, the three Amestrians were sitting, bags on the tray over their heads.

Alphonse had already fallen asleep, leaning heavily on Edward who fidgeted once in a while to get the feelings back to his body. Edward was looking out the window at the scenery, and Mustang was reading a book.

It was a silence, a comfortable silence that the remaining two alchemists who were still conscious enjoyed.

"Mustang…" said Edward, breaking the silence.

Roy Mustang glanced over his book, and resumed reading. "… yes?"

"Do you know? About…"

"I've heard," Roy cut in, "does it bother you?"

"It just sounds… inhuman," replied Ed, still staring out the window.

Roy was silent. He pulled down the book onto his crossed knees. "… How so?"

Ed glanced at Roy, then resumed staring into the space. "Remember Envy? Lust? Gluttony?" Roy remained silent. "They were homunculi, created like dolls running with thousands and millions of human souls," Ed grimaced, "and yet none of them actually _owned_ a soul…"

Roy didn't speak. Ed glanced at him again, and continued speaking.

"From what Dumbledore told me, it won't make Crouch a homunculus," he shifted so Alphonse was laying more comfortably, and stared right into Mustang's obsidian eyes. "… But still … Envy … well, _envied_ us, mere humans, of having a soul… Lust … _lusted _after your determination … Greed _wanted _what the humans had … though it was in a different way … and to rid of it from another person… even if it's a punishment…"

Roy snorted softly. "… you're thinking too much," he said, picking up his book again, "go to sleep." With that, Mustang's face was replaced by the cover of the book.

Ed scowled. "… tch, whatever, Bastard." He snuggled into Al's warm weight, muttering something about being treated like a child, and soon fell asleep.

* * *

When Roy felt the air settle down, he looked up from his black alchemy notebook. It was filled with familiar flame alchemy circles, so familiar that he could draw it with his eyes closed. If it looked like he was reading, then good. It gave him more time to think.

He looked at the sleeping teens.

"… and you are still so young, Edward," he muttered, "you can't stay far too long in the military if you keep on thinking like that…"

Ed shifted, his hand moving under his shirt in his slumber. Mustang couldn't help but smile. "But then again it is what differentiates you from the rest of the bloodthirsty and corrupted."

He glanced at his black coat at his side, neatly folded.

* * *

The brothers slept soundly, snuggling together under the warmth of the black coat, enjoying the faint smell of ashes.

Mustang himself slept on, legs and arms crossed and his little black book over his eyes.

* * *

**Why is all my fav subject stuffed with teachers I hate? **

**Mrawgirl09**


	43. Chapter 42 Epilogue

**Five page monster on the way!!**

**1959 words. XDXDXDXD**

**Last chapter!!!! XDXDXD**

**W00T!! XDXD**

**Here we go! XD**

**

* * *

**

I don't own. HP or FMA.

**Lots of cussing.**

**NEVAH GONNA BE M!**

**Subplot, kinda.**

**Uh... Warning Boylove?**

**Anyways!**

**

* * *

**

Secret Chapter. . . The last.

**

* * *

**

Epilogue.

**

* * *

**

Enjoy!

* * *

The train from the edge of Xing to Amestris had finally reached Central.

"Wake up brats, we're here," said Roy Mustang, getting the bags off the racks above.

Ed yawned, and stretched. "Uuugh… Jet laggggg-"

"You've had enough time sleeping on the train on the way," snapped Mustang, shrugging on his coat, "get up."

"At least _you'_ve had your coffee," grumbled Edward, gently shaking Alphonse awake.

"If you're feeling upset about it, drink it-"

"No thank you," snapped Ed, "that stuff almost tastes like _milk_," he shivered.

"Drink it without cream then-"

"Shut _up_."

Edward shook Alphonse harder. He received a limp slap on his cheek.

"Hey Al, wake up, we're here," scowled Edward.

Alphonse cracked open his eyes, then blinked, still not aware of what is going on. "Unh…"

Leaving the seat before his brother collapsed again, he took his own suitcase with a nod from Mustang. "It looks like we've got the whole office…" he commented, looking outside in the station. His eyes widened, "… and Hughes… and Armstrong… and Sheska?"

Mustang looked out at the smiling faces as well. "That's Louise, from the secretariat… and so is Macy, Belle, Catherine, Clarissa-"

Alphonse looked out the window as well, still half asleep.

His eyes snapped up. "Is that the _Fuhrer_?!"

"WHAT" both Roy and Ed shouted, searching quickly for King Bradley.

There he was.

Walking towards the train.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Alphonse shuddered. "I have a bad feeling about this… what happened?"

Roy shook his head. "I don't remember telling them to- oh."

Ed's eyes turned to Mustang, wide and glaring in accusation. "_'Oh'_?"

"It's nothing," muttered the man, avoiding the piercing stare.

"'_OH'_?"

"There was just this newspaper I sent them before the second task," he muttered, still not meeting the stare.

"_And?_"

Oh how Roy wished he was outside with more means of escape.

"Well, it talked about incest between you two-"

"WHAT?!"

"I knew it was impossible," said Mustang, trying to placate the angry teens, "I just thought it would be funny-"

Ed didn't find it funny at all. "And you _sent_ it to the _military?!_"

"I only sent it to Maes! But that's it! I swear!"

Ed's frown seemed to consider whether or not to punch his superior officer in the face. He sighed.

"Well we don't have a choice but to get off," said Alphonse, pushing Roy out of the compartment, "whatever it is, it's all _your_ fault, so go first and get rid of them- at least get rid of the _fuhrer!!_"

And Al slammed close the door.

Mustang sent a withering glare at the compartment, sighed, picked up his suitcase and exited the train.

He waited for the barrage of questioning from his friends and exes, but none came. Expecting the worst, he opened his eyes he didn't know he closed.

Yup, the worst.

He immediately saluted the fuhrer who was smiling and gesturing him to relax.

Roy mentally swore that he'd scorch Maes to the ground for telling this to the whole military.

"On behalf of the military," he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Nice catch, though I must say, there will be _many_ women in Central, if not the whole Amestris, cry over this loss."

Now he was confused. Wasn't this about Ed and Al's incest relationship that he'd broadcasted? "S…Sir?"

"Congratulations!" Bradley barked, laughing. "Though it's banned in the military, I'm sure I could tweak the rules here and there a bit."

Leaving Mustang stunned and confused, Bradley turned and walked away. "I expect good news, Colonel Roy Mustang!"

And then he was flocked by the Gossip Hyenas.

Maes slapped on his back. "Roy, you _sly_ dog!!"

"What?"

"Since when?!" boomed Armstrong.

"Uh-"

"Roy Mustang, you meanie!!" squealed Belle. "How could you lead us all on like that, when you had someone else all along?!"

"I do?"

"It was in your mail, Roy," smiled Riza.

"There was?"

"I know, _I _never expected it, not when you two fought like cat and dog every second of the day," laughed Maes.

"What?"

Clarissa giggled. "You two look so cute together!!"

"We do? Wait, who-"

Havoc patted him on the shoulder, and suddenly turned serious. "If you hurt him in any way, I will make your life as miserable as possible until I shoot you in the crotch."

"Wha-wait-wa-wha-_him_?"

Maes loomed in as well. "Yes, him! And if you tell me you were just playing with him, I swear by Gracia's Apple Pie that I will _never_ speak to you, _ever. _Again."

"But-"

"So, have you popped his cherry yet?"

"Who-!"

"Are you saving it for the wedding?"

"WHAT"

"Awww, Chief!! That's SO CUTE!!!"

"HAVOC"

"So it's only third base?"

"GODDAMNIT BREDA!!"

"Oh come _on_, you can't ditch him like that after you've come out on us?!"

"Wait, I don't-"

"And you've left him behind!" Maes shouted at the Elric brothers, who were just leaving the train by angry people behind them. "Hey Ed!"

"Whatever you've read about me and-"

"We know all about it already!" They all squealed.

"It's not true!! Mustang sent that article as a joke!!"

"You mean, you and he are not-"

"No!"

"But we thought…"

"Me and Al are just normal brothers!! I thought you guys, of all people, would know it was bogus!"

The crowd silenced. Roy Mustang didn't understand _wasn't _it what they were about?

"We weren't talking about that, Ed," said Maes, turning serious.

"Huh?"

The secretaries turned to him with accusing watery eyes.

"Oh my goodness Roy, he doesn't know?"

"Then it was true! You _were_ leading him on!!"

"What?!" Why was he the bad guy?!

_Click_

_Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang_

_Snap_

_KABOOM_

"That was uncalled for, Havoc!!" he yelled, panting wide-eyed at the hole right next to his foot. With Riza he could trust not to shoot him, but _Havoc_?

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?!"

"This!" Maes thrust in his face.

---

THE NEW 'IN' ELRIC BROTHERS: INCEST? OR JUST OVER-PROTECTION?

All NEW information about the brothers and …

---

Yes, it was the article he sent.

"…What about it?" asked Mustang, dubious as to what it could possibly mean for _him_.

Maes ignored his question and flipped a few pages in the newspaper before thrusting it back into Roy's hands.

---

THE NEW 'IN' ELRIC BROTHERS: INCEST? OR JUST OVER-PROTECTION?

The debated Elric 'brothers' face other potential lovers?

Candidate 1-

"What does this have to do with me?" asked Roy irritatedly.

"Just keep on reading the sub-headings, Roy," answered Maes.

Candidate 1: Gryffindor 'Cutie' Ronald Weasley

Roy's eyes went wide.

"What- that was during that class-" Then looked up at the crowd. "This still doesn't have anything to do with-"

"Keep reading," said Riza, placing the mouth of he gun at Roy's forehead.

He did.

Candidate 2: Slytherin 'Prince' Draco Malfoy

Candidate 3: Staff's 'Hottie'-

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Roy's eyes bugged out, as did Ed's, who was watching Roy's reaction.

"What?! What is it?!"

Roy strained his arms to get the newspaper out of Ed's reach, trying to read all the way so he could find out who the fuck wrote the article.

"It said something _very_ interesting in it, Roy," said Maes, his glasses twinkling.

Oh no.

"-And I couldn't help but research a bit more…"

_Oh no_.

Another newspaper was thrust in his face.

---

?!

EXCLUSIVE FLIRTING SCENE CAPTURED IN PHOTOGRAPH!!

Love polygon?

---

Roy's hands lost their grip, and the article fluttered down. Ed picked it up right away.

Alphonse looked over Ed's shoulder, his eyes getting colder by each line and ignoring Ed's indignant squawk.

"This had me really worried, Roy…" Maes shook his head. "But this showed us you really _did_ care about him!!"

---

ASSISTANT-PROFESSOR ASSISTS ALMOST-DROWNED!!

The passion – seen by other students

What about professors?

---

"And Ed thinks so too!!!"

---

SECOND TASK REVEALS THE ONE-AND-ONLY!!!

Roy Mustang x Edward Elric = OFFICIAL?!?!

Viktor Krum x Hermione Granger?!

---

Roy was shocked.

He was shell-shocked.

"After all this, are you _sure_ you didn't do anything to him?" asked Maes.

"What about the quote: 'I would call Edward, in one sentence, an angel personified'?" gushed Belle, swooning and giggling.

"It says that you've kissed!"

"Seen him half-naked in the changing room?!"

"Getting, for the first time I may say, envious stares from both boys _and_ girls?!"

"You were Ed's 'special someone' in the second task!!"

"Ed _blushed_ talking about you-"

"WHAT-" Ed interrupted, "I DON'T BLUSH!!"

"About the exchange of valentine sweets-"

"WE DIDN'T!!" shouted Roy.

"But you talked about it!" exclaimed Breda. "In PUBLIC! It SAID SO!"

Roy felt a migraine coming. "This is _not_ happening…"

Alphonse, who was reading the first article with an eerie calmness, gestured for the rest. "Can I see the newspapers?"

Roy felt his self-preservation alarm go off. "No Alphonse, this is-"

"You SHUT THE HELL UP!" shouted Alphonse, surprising everyone with his viciousness. "I'll see you _after_ I read about this, _Roy_." He turned towards Maes, leaving a cowering Roy Mustang bewildered on the floor. "Hand them over."

Maes Hughes did as he was told.

Ed felt _very _worried about his brother. "Alphonse-"

"You're grounded, Edward."

Ed gaped. "You can't ground your older brother-!!"

"When you obviously can't stay away from that pervert, _yes I can._" Al glared at Edward with such venom, it _burned_. "_One month._"

"Al-!!"

"I-I swear to whatever deity you believe in, that I have ab-so-lutely _no_ relationship with the shrimp," defended Roy, getting up on his trembling feet.

"I AM _NOT_ SHORT!!"

"I can _not_ believe that I trusted you with brother." Al frowned at the article at his hand. "Why did you go to _his _room to shower, anyways?!"

"ALPHONSE!!"

"Alphonse, please, _believe_ me. I prefer _curves_, not marinated shrimps," Roy begged.

"SHUT _UP,_ YOU BASTARD!!" yelled Edward at the top of his lungs. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HIS BODY IS SQUASHED SO MUCH THAT IT ALMOST LOOKS BAGGY AND FAT?!"

"Shut _up_, Bastard Colonel! How could you do this to Ed?!" shouted Alphonse. "I oppose of this relationship!!"

"THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP!!!"

Roy looked at the fuming brothers. "Just… just… argh!!"

He started to walk away quickly, planning to go straight to his house and drowning himself in alcohol.

Edward followed shortly behind. "STOP RIGHT THERE!!! YOU SOLVE THIS PROBLEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!!"

Alphonse ran after the two. "_You_ are _not_ going anywhere within 50 feet from _him_ without _me_, brother!!"

"ALPHONSE!!!"

"Leave me alone!!"

"You get back here!!"

"_You_ don't go anywhere _near_ _him_, _Brother!! Don't make me take off your limbs!!!_"

The military crowd stood silently, unsure what to do now that both Roy and Ed ran off.

"So… the bets are off?" asked Fuery tentatively.

No one answered.

"… No, actually, just keep them for now," said Maes suddenly.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? Ed didn't say no yet," he grinned.

* * *

**Yes, _ED didn't_.**

**WOOT!**

**I'm done!! XD Reviews are thanks!! **

**Mrawgirl09**

**Next up will be OPFMA One Piece and FMA.**

**After that will be me and my twisted sense of sadistic-ness, where I will go out of my way to make Ed's life as miserable as possible!! XD Will be AU.**

**After that will start of Dragonna's defi...... should... would... I really should...**


End file.
